To want to know the stupidest thing you've done?

[Babababababybel23]

Just finished the ironing, went to turn the iron off and knocked into the board. Instead of letting the iron fall to the ground like any normal person I tried to bloody catch it with the plate coming straight for my hand.
Now I'm a bit frazzled and in a bad mood because of my stupidity.

Microwaved a boiled egg. I’d done it soft boiled and DD wanted hard boiled. I’d already shelled it so I thought it would be ok.

It wasn’t. When I tried to cut it, it exploded. I had to change my clothes, went to work with flecks of yolk in my hair, and the kitchen ceiling will have to be replastered if we ever want to get rid of the welded-on splats of hardened albumin.

Microwaved a boiled egg

I did that too! Spent days cleaning the kitchen.

Locked myself out of my flat twice leaving my baby inside. First time I ran barefoot through the streets of London to my DH's office to get a key. Second time I stole my neighbour's shoes.

On the plus side I didn't know I could run that fast.

When I was a lazy 17 year old I needed to iron a black shirt, and in my wisdom thought I’d do it on the floor instead of having to get the ironing board out. I ironed my shirt on too high a setting, and when I went to pick it up I realised I had heat bonded my shirt to the carpet. About a 6” square of light blue carpet pile patterned the back of it. Being a selfish teenager I was of course more gutted about my shirt!

Again in my teens, I liberally sprayed myself with hairspray, only it was aerosol deodorant and I had white hair (which totally spoiled my Goth image!).

When I was 11 I used any old pair of scissors I could find to cut some white material and they turned out to be incredibly sharp wallpaper scissors. I didn’t know that anything was amiss until the material went red, they were so sharp I didn’t realise until I saw the blood that I’d cut the tip of my finger off.

Pulling a flex out of a fan aged 5. Bzzzt!
Trying a bootleg turn on my bike aged 11. Clang, crunch, ouch ouch ouch.
Believing London cabbies give a shit, aged 26. Bang, crack, hello house deposit.
Closing roller shutters on my fingers, two thumbnails, two broken indexes.
Doing E1 5a two stone overweight with a duff tendon, aged 42. Pop goes the tibia! Free ride in chopper, poster idiot for Edale MRT.

Ok peel some potatoes and put the skins on the burn, Google it, it's incredible

Ok peel some potatoes and put the skins on the burn, Google it, it's incredible

Switched on the kettle for a cup of tea. Got a jar of mayonnaise out of the fridge. Unscrewed the lid, dropped a teabag inside the jar.

Waited for a while.

Knocked over a lamp and smashed the glass of the bulb.

The only part left was the metal screw in neck and the elements. Put my hand on them and tried to twist the remaining part out whilst it was still plugged in and switched on.

Huge, huge shock through my arm. I’m sure it’s the reason for my premature grey hairs in my 20‘s.