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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be finding it hard having husband at home all day ?

107 replies

Inkandbone · 03/11/2017 21:37

I probably am BU. But he does my head in.

He won't stay still. Constant prowling around and clearing up after me even if it's something I'm using Hmm throwing away drinks I haven't finished drinking, putting cardigans I've just taken off coz I'm hot into the wash. Talking to himself but me really, so a monologue of what's going on and then expecting a reaction from me. I can't do anything without him asking me questions.

I know it's partly irritation from being underneath each others feet but is this what i have to look forward go in my dotage?

OP posts:
BellyBean · 04/11/2017 09:01

Is there a diy project or something he could do? Research your summer holiday??

MayFayner · 04/11/2017 09:07

Mine was on leave all week and the DC were on their mid-term (Ireland).

Suffice to say the house is a smouldering crater in the ground and things like routine and order are a distant memory.

Roll on Monday, please.

ZippyCameBack · 04/11/2017 09:08

My husband retired early this year. At first it was lovely, he brought me tea at regular intervals, he did the housework and there was someone to chat to when I took a break. Nice.
I work from home and the money to keep a roof over our heads depends on me, not him. So when he started to get bored and wanted to treat every day like a holiday it really grated on my nerves. Now it's almost like I have to manage him as if he was my employee. He has no initiative and chatters at me constantly, wanting to know what to do next, how to do y, or if I want to ditch work and go to z. Long term this can't work. Either he has to get at least a part time job, or I have to find work outside the home. Sometimes I can invent errands that require him to be out of the house for most of the day, but mostly he resists going because he wants us to spend more time together.
If we were both retired it would be fine, but we are both on different "settings" and it's driving me mad. Last week I had to work until 4am twice, because during the day he wouldn't just piss off and let me work. I'm shattered!

engineersthumb · 04/11/2017 09:09

Does nobody thing that you may be as annoying to your husband as he is to you? Perhaps he wonders why you are untidy, in his space? I recently spent 5 months at home with my wife following the birth of dc no2 , we adjusted and made a point to develop a common routine so we knew what each of us was doing (not the same things but two routines combined ). If I'd been expected to exist in someone else's routine I'd have struggled too!

Discotits · 04/11/2017 09:13

Go out for the day?

h0rsewithn0name · 04/11/2017 09:17

This could be a best seller - 5 minutes peace (for couples).

I can relate to all of the above. Love him dearly and look forward to spending time together at the end of each day, but I need some time alone too.

Capricorn76 · 04/11/2017 09:21

How am I living in the 50s? Clearly the OP isn't working (at least out of the home) if she's at home all day everyday and clearly her DH usually works out of home if this has just become an issue. He should feel free to do what he wants and spend as much time in the house he's working to pay for whilst he's off or should he just send cheques from his hotel room?

I do get irritated when some women act as though their husbands are annoying kids in the way and under their feet and IRL the women with this attitude are always the ones with too much time on their hands themselves.

StealthPolarBear · 04/11/2017 09:24

I'm usually trying to get on with stuff which is why I find it annoying

IrritatedUser1960 · 04/11/2017 09:29

I'm divorced, it's much better, no mess, no moaning, no wittering. My female lodger is home rarely and when she is she is good company and keeps her room tidy.
I don't miss having a man around at all.

trinitybleu · 04/11/2017 10:02

This thread makes me sad. I love being with OH and I'm badly missing the 3 wfh days I did in my old job because he'd come home for lunch nearly every day, at my request and because he wanted to. Can't wait for us to retire.

User452734838 · 04/11/2017 10:13

Fast forward to retirement and this is what it looks like!

Original poster
Inkandbone · 04/11/2017 10:14

Few points - firstly, it is technically MY house, although it's OUR house because we are married for better for worse and all that.

I did say at the start I was BU but i cannot help how i feel. Mother theresa herself would get fed up with vanishing drinks, the cardigan I took off seconds ago being bundled into a wardrobe, what are you doing / where are you going questions whenever i go for a wee.

I'm sure I am annoying but I don't take over every single room in the house, is the difference.

OP posts:
Oddmanout · 04/11/2017 10:17

Haha this made me laugh - when someone says their DH sits down and does no clearing/cleaning he gets torn apart. Now we have your DH who cleans up after you and doesn't see through jobs and he's just as bad!

Men can't win... Grin

Original poster
Inkandbone · 04/11/2017 10:29

He could win by NOT being so fucking ANNOYING!

OP posts:
SomethingNewToday · 04/11/2017 10:43

I find this thread sad tbh. All this itching for dh's to be out and not being able to deal with more than 2 days at home Hmm

Do you not take annual leave together? How do you 'cope' with that? How will you with retirement?

Original poster
Inkandbone · 04/11/2017 10:44

I am wondering that myself, something and it is sad

OP posts:
reflexfaith · 04/11/2017 10:54

This is why I live alone and I always will do
For me it's just much more enjoyable
why choose to live with someone when you clearly prefer to live alone?

Allthewaves · 04/11/2017 11:05

My mum and dad are glued at the hip and even she found his retirement bloody awful. After 6 months she told him to go and get a job so he went back to his line of work pt and self employed. So he could work some but for it around things they wanted to do.

He started driving her everywhere before this, it drove her insane that she was never alone and couldn't even nip.to supermarket by herself. She also signed him up for the gym lol

Original poster
Inkandbone · 04/11/2017 11:12

I don't think I do prefer to live alone. Its a very conflicting feeling. Obviously a big part of it is that he is signed off with stress, but I don't think being at home is actually helping because there is a clever and capable man in there. Unfortunately, that intelligence is being turned to fussiness which is very irritating.

OP posts:
MycatsaPirate · 04/11/2017 11:27

My dp had an accident in December 2013 and was at home for TWO YEARS!! He was bored, restless, unable to do much and started to drive me insane. I often tell him now that if he hadn't recovered enough to go back to work I'd probably have put him back in hospital.

He is now at home again, week 3 of 4 after a hernia op. Thankfully he has mostly be consigned to the sofa, I keep telling him to just lay there and cuddle a cat and watch tv. It stops him getting under my feet.

He's a good guy but the 'what's for lunch?' thing drives me mad.

Imfinehowareyou · 04/11/2017 11:31

I love my DH and my DC with all my heart but it doesn't mean I want to be with them every minute of every day. We all need our space and a chance to be somewhere else with other people. DH and I have found ourselves both working from home and I do find it gets too much. There isn't that lovely moment when we meet up in the evening and catch up on our days as we have had the same day.

formerbabe · 04/11/2017 12:02

It's hard to be around anyone 24 hours a day, especially if you're an introvert.

museumum · 04/11/2017 12:19

I’m sick at the moment and really bloody annoying around the house.

It’s the being totally unable to do anything useful and cabin fever.

If I’m off for leisure then great but off sick is awful. I’m currently watching midsomer murders and washing old potties to give to the charity shop (and mumsnetting).

Sit down with your dh and sympathise with him being at a loose end and out of sorts and work together to find a project for him - photobooks? Christmas planning? House/garden project? Or even just him getting out for long walks for his health.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 04/11/2017 12:20

Thank God and praise the Lord that I am single.

It's Saturday lunchtime and I'm on the sofa in my dressing gown with cat and laptop.

I'm going for a snooze now. Then I will go to the gym.

I don't have to listen to anyone jabbering and I can do whatever I like without explaining myself!

Sometimes I feel like a dodged a bullet.

MerryMarigold · 04/11/2017 12:28

Oh my! You are married to my dh. He was signed off for 6 weeks recently. He actually worked from home for most of that time, but he still huffed around about everything, watched what I did (and commented), watched what I ate (and commented). It was hideous. When we retire we definitely need some SEPARATE hobbies. My mum and dad take in turns to come and stay with us every week (one comes one week, one the next...'to help out with the kids' ). I've always been very grateful, but now I understand why!! They must drive each other up the wall (my dfather can never do anything right, poor chap, and my dmother has no problem pointing this out). I think absence does make the heart grow fonder, and they do miss one another when they're here a bit so that they're more appreciative when they are back in the same house again.

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