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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be finding it hard having husband at home all day ?

107 replies

Inkandbone · 03/11/2017 21:37

I probably am BU. But he does my head in.

He won't stay still. Constant prowling around and clearing up after me even if it's something I'm using Hmm throwing away drinks I haven't finished drinking, putting cardigans I've just taken off coz I'm hot into the wash. Talking to himself but me really, so a monologue of what's going on and then expecting a reaction from me. I can't do anything without him asking me questions.

I know it's partly irritation from being underneath each others feet but is this what i have to look forward go in my dotage?

OP posts:
milkchocolatx5 · 04/11/2017 07:57

can you find a job if staying at home with DH is so difficult?

CrabappleCake · 04/11/2017 07:57

Dh has been unemployed for a year. I really miss the odd day I'd take off work and have the house to myself and do what I wanted to do. Really miss.

Timmytoo · 04/11/2017 08:02

Ha ha I think you’re married to mine 😂 Mine doesn’t work often all and I work from home so he’s always make my me things massaging my shoulders which is nice but sometimes I’m doing something that requires precision which knocks me. He cooks a lot so constantly feeding me and calling me to see how cute my cat looks when it is lying down or has its tongue out. I try and be organised by taking clothes out the night before and go to put them but find them back in my cupboard again - Aahhhhh!

IDismyname · 04/11/2017 08:05

My heart sinks when DH works from home. Monopolising the phone. Then when my DM calls, he hops around in front of me jabbing at his watch, telling me he has a conference call... in half an hour.

Oh, and 'What's for lunch?'

I then have to leave the house , and can hear 'What time are you coming home...????' as I firmly shut the front door behind me.

StealthPolarBear · 04/11/2017 08:08

I don't mind being at home with dh if he has plans to do something most of the day. But home with him mooching is hell. Whereas my own mooching is fine of course :)
In fairness I do mooch productively

TheLuminaries · 04/11/2017 08:09

This makes me a bit sad. It is your DH's home as much as it is yours, it seems a shame you see him as an intruder in his own home. I would hate my DH to feel like that about me.

Therealslimshady1 · 04/11/2017 08:10

You just have to go out a lot! Find refuge in the leisure centre (take up swimming) or the gym, or the library (become an avid reader, or pretend and sit in the library cafe)

Oysterbabe · 04/11/2017 08:11

Mine's the same, he can't sit still for 5 minutes and is always tidying things away and trying to occupy the same space I'm in. I hate it when I'm cooking and he's trying to clean around me, I just walk away and sit down until he stops faffing. I encourage him to go out and take the toddler with him as much as possible.

Capricorn76 · 04/11/2017 08:19

I know this is supposed to be lighthearted but its a bit sad that so many feel resentful that the person working to pay for the house is spending more than a couple of hours in it a day.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/11/2017 08:21

I agree, TheLuminaries, but communication is the key here, and the two parties have to come to an understanding, which may be easier said than done. My husband is retired and I work part-time, so we spend a lot of time at home together. Works really well, but that's because we are on the same page when it comes to what needs doing and we don't spend the whole time in each other's company. That really would drive both of us mad!

Collaborate · 04/11/2017 08:23

Sounds like very few of you want to be married. If you can't even bring yourself to want to share the space in your home with your spouse time to separate surely?

Ceto · 04/11/2017 08:25

Can't you encourage him to do something that keeps him occupied? Anything, whether it's a DIY project, model making, jigsaws, knitting or whatever?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/11/2017 08:27

For better, for worse, but not for lunch!

Ropsleybunny · 04/11/2017 08:32

I know this is supposed to be lighthearted but its a bit sad that so many feel resentful that the person working to pay for the house is spending more than a couple of hours in it a day.

WTF? Are you living in the 50s?

ticklady · 04/11/2017 08:32

I wish mine would notice any cup and even find the dishwasher.
My DH loves popping in for a chat and a cuppa, (his office is next door) but how can one sit and MN all day with the prospect of him popping in for a chat? how dare he

grasspigeons · 04/11/2017 08:33

its what hobbies are for. I don't know why he is signed off, but is going for a walk in the fresh air together a possibility. Then, on returning home, can he get on with something he enjoys, like reading, or sorting out the shed, or a really specific thing like cleaning the fridge. He's presumably used to being busy and talking to colleagues.

converseandjeans · 04/11/2017 08:37

I agree with theluminaries why should you get the house to yourself all week while he works? It's his home too. Maybe he finds it annoying that you're untidy.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/11/2017 08:37

YANBU.
My DH has a home office but I prefer him not to work from home the only days that I don't have both DSs (one at school, one at preschool) because he can't seem to leave me alone. He's always coming out to "see what I'm doing" or asking me if I want to go out for lunch, or suggesting we go and "do something" (generally go to the nearest sports shop to buy stuff for him) - no. I have my day usually fairly well planned, so it's a wee bit intrusive when he decides to disrupt it!

He doesn't stay at home so much on my "days off" now. Grin

mydogisthebest · 04/11/2017 08:39

I hope most of you are joking. If not this is a very sad thread.

What are you all going to do when you are retired and home together all the time?

I love my DH being home. I don't work and I wish we could afford for him to give up too. He won't retire for another 5 years unless we win the lottery.

We have worked together in the past and there was never any problems.

JaneEyre70 · 04/11/2017 08:45

My DH works 6 days a week, and on his day off he's so busy playing golf and getting stuff done that we only really sit and chat in the evenings. I am so intolerant of him being at home in the day - he is like a toddler in that he needs constant interaction. And the questions........ I swear that every sentence that comes out of his mouth is a question that needs a reaction or answer. And then he says I'm very irritable - no shit, Sherlock Hmm

KathArtic · 04/11/2017 08:48

Argh! Same here.

A few years ago we made the downstairs open plan......Dh now wfh in the dining room. I can't go in the kitchen for anything without disturbing him, a conversation, a conference call (that I can hear all round the house).

Not forgetting the mess, the cables and paperwork everywhere.

AgathaRaisonDetra · 04/11/2017 08:53

Everyone should LTB. Then you'll have a quiet house.

formerbabe · 04/11/2017 08:53

Mine used to work from home. It was really tough. I love my own space and time alone pottering in the house. Plus, he'd feel the need to comment on everything I did! Ahhh!

Mrsknackered · 04/11/2017 08:58

I agree. 2 days off in a row are lovely, he had 4 off in a row the other week, and it drove me mad.
I wish he obsessively tidied up after me though, I hate having him here because of the mess he generates and the classical line "it's my day off"

He's stupidly slobbish on his days off, it's easy to forget his laziness when he's at work.

ClaryFray · 04/11/2017 08:59

YANBU - mine does all those things and when I try to escape in the bedroom or lounge with a book and wine the bastard follows me.