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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to move abroad with a newborn baby?

15 replies

newbie202020 · 03/11/2017 13:54

First time poster but long time lurker who's looking for some Mumsnet wisdom.

I've recently had my first baby and have been offered an amazing role with my current employer in a different country which is the other side of the world to where I currently live. At the point of relocating my baby will be around 6 months old.

My question is, has anyone undertaken a similar move with such a small baby and am I being unreasonable/ selfish to uproot my baby and take him away from his loving grandparents and extended family? We plan to be away for around 2 years but appreciate this may be longer once we get used to the ex-pat lifestyle in a warm climate.

Another concern is that my partner will also need to start a business in the new country and (although I am the breadwinner so therefore it doesn't need to be a financial success to begin with) this will also be an added stress for him.

I'm really excited but just feeling a bit uncertain. Any advice gratefully received!

OP posts:

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 03/11/2017 13:59

Treat life as an opportunity, an adventure to be lived. Go and dont look back! Presumably your extended family can visit?

Original poster

newbie202020 · 03/11/2017 14:04

Thanks @DunkMeInTomatoSoup. Extended family can visit but my mother is terrified of flying and other close family members will struggle to pay for the trip.

OP posts:

tinypop4 · 03/11/2017 16:47

We did 2 years abroad when Dd was 3 and ds a baby or around 7 months.
It was amazing- we both worked, earnt loads, travelled with the kids and had cheap and good quality home help (Asia). Life is an adventure and if you're In a position to go and Dh doesn't mind trailing then you should def go for it!

ButchyRestingFace · 03/11/2017 16:53

I would go. This may be the best opportunity you ever get for a few years ago.

And it would presumably still be hard (if not harder) to leave your family when your child is older.

LondonGirl83 · 03/11/2017 17:09

Go for it. Its two years which is noting. If you love it then you'll stay longer so there is nothing to lose!

toomuchtooold · 03/11/2017 17:56

Checks out what the childcare situation is like. Despite what people sometimes think, the UK is actually quite good in terms of cost and availability so make sure you're not going to have bother finding childcare.

But otherwise it sounds great. Kids don't really make friends until they're about 3-4 anyway so you have plenty of time to decide whether you want to stay or return to the UK.

Dragongirl10 · 03/11/2017 18:19

Do your research but then go and enjoy...life is short!

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 03/11/2017 18:54

If you go and hate it you can always come back but if you don't take this opportunity now there may not be another chance! Good luck op.

TidyDancer · 03/11/2017 18:57

It would depend on the country in question. There are some that I wouldn’t move to for any reason. You need to do shit loads of research before making a final decision.

PotteringAlong · 03/11/2017 18:58

Will your partner be able to start a business? What will his visa situation be?

Original poster

newbie202020 · 03/11/2017 20:13

Thanks all for your generally supportive comments (I'd have been thankful if comments were unsupportive too!) It's a developed country in Asia and I understand the childcare is good and affordable. DH is able to set up a business there too so no probs on that front.

I feel like a couple of the grandparents will be devastated as my son is their first grandchild, but as lots have commented, life is so short!

OP posts:

tinypop4 · 04/11/2017 06:52

Is it Singapore op?! Please go if it is,
You'll have an amazing time.
Even if grandparents are sad, it's not likely to be forever, it's an easy (if a bit of a long) flight- if you're both working you might be able to afford to go home a couple of times a year or help a grandparent pay for their flight.

BrandNewHouse · 04/11/2017 06:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K · 04/11/2017 07:09

My Dsis moved (Malaysia) with a one year old, but it was for her DHs job, not hers.

Beautiful country. Lots of low cost domestic help.

Great weather, shops just like in the UK.

Does the package include any visits home? Healthcare etc.

Maybe you can help with the cost of flying your parents/in-laws out to visit when your settled after a while.

Once you get used to the lifestyle ... you won't want to return to the UK.... except for missing family.

Phryne · 04/11/2017 14:38

We moved twice within Europe before my DD was 2 and are now considering moving much further after #2 arrives. I think it's the easiest time to do it as they really don't care when they're tiny! The 2yo is just starting to care about seeing friends again, so we need to settle down a bit more from here...and then there'll be school of course! It's also worth being realistic about how much you'd see people if you stayed put or went away. DP's siblings will visit us about once a year but only if it's less than an hour's drive while my mum will come see us anywhere.

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