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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breast milk is the best thing for your baby...

302 replies

Starwhisperer · 03/11/2017 12:25

Please hear me out on this one.

I know that advertising regulations are in line with the WHO advice that breast milk is the best thing for a baby until at least 6 months of age.

My issue is with the specifics in what we see and read as soon to be and new mothers.

I combi fed my first child for 18m as my supply never seemed to be where I needed it to be. The first 2 months were a hellish cycle of pumping and formula milk. I firmly believe the failure to feed as I'd wanted led to my PND. I met other mothers struggling at the time who felt the same way and there has been research done which has confirmed this.

Everytime I formula fed my baby there in front of me was the message "breast milk is the best thing for your baby". Am I being unreasonable to think that this would do more harm than good. I know it made me feel rotten. I'd have thought that by the time a mother is preparing and giving formula feeds it's generally too late to be converted to the idea of BFing. The message is either going to women entirely happy with their decision to FF or women like me who see it as a kick in the teeth because they tried their hardest and didn't get the hang of it.

I feel that instead more effort should be put in before birth to get the facts out there, all i had was ony little leaflet with no opportunity promoted to ask aboit tjings in more detail. Perhaps a blanket ban on formula advertising. They use babies as close to 6m as possible for the pictures which does far more in the way of promoting FF than a little message promoting BF on a box.

Perhaps I'm getting my knickers in a twist over nothing bit I feel the formula manufacturers are doing way more harm than good here.

OP posts:
iniquity · 03/11/2017 17:15

I think the message has to be there on the tub because people don't actually know that breast milk is better. Even on this thread people are questioning the benefits of bf. If you look at the branding of the some formula products it's easy to think that they might be nutritionally superior, coupled with the fact most women don't breast feed.

RicottaPancakes · 03/11/2017 17:18

If BF was more common and normal most people wouldn't need support from the NHS. They would have parents, friends and siblings who had already breastfed and who would je able to support them. If breasts were not so sexualised that would help too. (My friend's DH told her not to BF as her breasts belonged to him)

Anatidae · 03/11/2017 17:18

But BF IS the best thing for your baby. It doesn't matter if it makes you feel like shit, and I am sorry you failed at bfing, but health organisations have a responsibility to promote the healthiest options.

You, as many others, are misunderstanding statistics and how public health works.

Public health give out recommendations on a population level. On a population level breast is best. On an individual level, what’s best is sometimes different.

It’s the same with any public health message - eat give a day fruit and veg. Great in general, but maybe a diabetic with poor control doesn’t need so much fruit or someone who has certain bowel issues can’t take that much vegetable matter.

What’s best for the population level isn’t always best for the individual.

Can I also say that formula saved breastfeeding for me? It was SO fucking painful at first and ds wouldn’t sleep at all. A bottle a night helped me get some rest and carry on. If I hadn’t been able to do that I’d have decided to stop bf. As it was at about ten weeks (far too long) it stopped hurting and we carried on bf to 18m.

If I have another I’ll be giving a bottle a day to allow me to rest and to make sure he won’t refuse a bottle later like ds did, which lead to me nearly breaking with sleep deprivation

hollowtree · 03/11/2017 17:28

If anybody tries their absolute best to breastfeed and isn't successful, they won't get upset by a message and feel guilt.However if its a half hearted effort and then and quick switch without persevering as much as they could then I can see why the message would be upsetting.

We'll this is just awful. Go pump every 2 hours round the clock while attempting skin to skin in between to boost your supply as well as drinking enough water to drown you, all while caring for a newborn who cries in frustration every time it so much as sees a nipple (while trying not to cry yourself).

You can't comment if you don't and won't understand.

kali110 · 03/11/2017 17:32

If anybody tries their absolute best to breastfeed and isn't successful, they won't get upset by a message and feel guilt.However if its a half hearted effort and then and quick switch without persevering as much as they could then I can see why the message would be upsetting.
Agree above, what an awful comment and clearly knows nothing.

ringle · 03/11/2017 19:48

"I for one won’t minimise or patronise anyone sharing their experiences by saying ‘well scientists say you can’ or ‘you just needed more support or information’. I believe women when they say they tried their best and Mother Nature didn’t work. "

Agree this

ringle · 03/11/2017 19:50

Agree this too (the second para, which disputes the first).

"But BF IS the best thing for your baby. It doesn't matter if it makes you feel like shit, and I am sorry you failed at bfing, but health organisations have a responsibility to promote the healthiest options.

You, as many others, are misunderstanding statistics and how public health works. "

Greyhorses · 03/11/2017 19:53

I didn't BF, neither did any of my friends and I didn't even give it a second thought.

Baby was fed, happy, growing and still is.

I don't know why people feel the need to criticise the choices of others constantly Confused

Gierg · 03/11/2017 20:06

Putting that notice on the box is definitely too little too late and can affect how a vulnerable mother feels.

I think it’s right that more support should be given to mums who want to BF but also more support to those with oversupply to donate their milk. I have a theory that if we averaged out production from all women we would have pretty much enough breast milk for all babies. We just need to create a culture that encourages sharing it! If breastmilk is best, why isn’t there work to encourage this sort of thing?

I bet when we lived in bigger family groups Breastfeeding was shared by the women of childbearing age, so this pressure to give your baby 100% if it’s milk need just wasn’t there as there were always a few other women feeding at the same time as to support each other.

HandbagKrabby · 03/11/2017 20:20

Tbh on baby two I hadn’t noticed it said that on the tub as I don’t give a shit. The NHS treats mothers like idiots who can’t possibly understand anything more complex than breast feeding is easy and everyone can do it. This message doesn’t work for the 17% of new mums that apparently live under a rock and are unaware of breast feeding benefits and is massively unhelpful to everyone else. There is no wonder pnd is rife as so much advice around pregnancy and birth does not present the full picture and leaves the impression that it is your personal failing as to why you had failure to progress/ failure to breastfeed etc etc

AMagdalena · 03/11/2017 20:57

As long as the baby is fed, the method is irrelevant.

I never felt pressured into BFing by the NHS.
I have been exclusively breastfeeding my DD for 13 weeks which I consider and achievement after a very tough start. DD was jaundiced, didn't latch on properly, lost a lot weight in the first few days, my milk didn't come in properly until day 7.
Having said that, I don't look down on those who FF. They have their reasons to do so as I did to BF.

Is the breast the best? I believe it is for my DD. It is so much more than a feeding method IMO.

And I really can't be bothered with bottles and sterilising.

nolongersurprised · 03/11/2017 21:53

The advertising rules are the knock on effect from infants dying in 3rd world countries after formula was aggressively promoted by reps dressed as nurses and the promises of fat, healthy babies. Babies died as the expensive formula was watered down, water quality was poor etc. So it’s no longer legal to advertise infant formula or to promote its qualities above and beyond breast milk.

They get around it by packaging toddler formula (marketed as a nutritional drink) the same as the formula.
amp.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/nestle-baby-milk-scandal-food-industry-standards

RicottaPancakes · 03/11/2017 22:06

Adverts like a recent one on TV that started out saying "breast milk is best for your baby, but if you choose to move on..........buy x formula". Choose to MOVE ON?! That's just saying that your baby will be left behind if you continue to BF! On the surface it's so supportive of BF, but it's really making you feel that if you don't switch to formula acfter six months you are not letting your baby develop to reach their full potential. Not helpful.

ChevalierTialys · 03/11/2017 22:12

It completely broke my heart when I was unable to breastfeed DS as I'd expected to. Completely. I know now that it's no ones fault, but everyone around me managed it fine with their little ones. The midwives and health visitors assured me I just needed to try harder. It really broke me and lead directly to PND.

2 years later a doctor noticed DS had tongue tie and that was why he couldn't latch.

To feel like such a failure at such a critical and emotional stage is incredibly unhelpful.

boatrace30 · 03/11/2017 22:16

My worry is that if formula companies weren’t forced to write this on the carton it would be a fine line before they started to imply that the formula is better than breast milk. (Which it isn’t - and I say that in a non judgy, purely scientific way). And I do know people who genuinely think formula is better (my DM for one). Ultimately at the moment advertising rules stop them doing that though they still try hard to make it look like it has all kinds of miraculous qualities (especially with follow on milk)

ethelfleda · 04/11/2017 00:17

If like to disagree with the comments about NHS not providing enough support for bf mothers. I gave birth on Monday just gone and have had so much support before and since. For me, confidence levels improved dramatically in just these few days which has helped me no end... my baby can tell when I am anxious and won't feed... since I have relaxed so has he and we have made huge progress.

JennyLane · 04/11/2017 00:22

Third kid in.. first kid traumatised myself for six months when he wouldn't latch. Pumping only for him to projectile vomit every bloody feed. Second kid I swore I'd try breast feeding but if it wasn't working I wasn't going to beat myself up about it. She fed like a dream (go figure)
Third kid I though "we've got this" I knew the techniques and had mastered it quite clearly. Moved to a bottle at 12 weeks due to her never being satisfied..
Every child is different. Our experiences are different. I hate the stigma with bottle feeding as much as I felt the stigma of breastfeeding.
Thankfully she'll be a toddler soon. Never again

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/11/2017 00:36

@ethelfleda I think that shows that it is very very variable and inconsistent, which is not good.

Atticusss · 04/11/2017 00:38

You are coming at this from a privileged position. A great deal of uneducated adults genuinely don't know the benefits of breastfeeding and don't ever consider to try. Perhaps if they see this message repeatedly with their first child they will consider breast next time. This isn't just about you. The offensive note on the tin is aimed at those people. Not people who tried as hard as they could and didn't receive the support they needed.

KittyWindbag · 04/11/2017 05:58

I had the same experience as you, mix-fed for three months because I had multiple problems with breastfeeding. Baby is 6 months now and is till feel guilty when I see breast milk is best printed on my tin of forumla. But what a miserable and exhausting time it was. Formula made me a better mum and that is the best thing for my baby.

IroningMountain · 04/11/2017 07:00

How patronising. Who are these uneducated UK adults who have been living in a bubble and had no interaction with the NHS,internet and media?

IroningMountain · 04/11/2017 07:07

If parents are unable to parent without patronising messages on everything that isn't the most perfect parenting choice there are sooooo many other things that could do with the same message written on it-any screen as exercise and books are better,anything with sugar in,red meat,processed meat packages.......

Increasinglymiddleaged · 04/11/2017 07:17

You are coming at this from a privileged position. A great deal of uneducated adults genuinely don't know the benefits of breastfeeding and don't ever consider to try.

But if they are that uneducated then they may not think that its important to give baby formula as a breast milk substitute. I think you are coming from a privileged place where all babies are properly fed on breast or formula milk. Putting a health warning on formula may have the effect of making people think it isn't actually worth buying.

Dsmummy · 04/11/2017 08:24

Yabu. It’s not done enough in this country and I’ve not received great support for breastfeeding.
While I do sympathise with the relatively small amount of people that genuinely can’t (and it is a tiny percentage) I see a huge need to promote breastfeeding.
It’s not right for something so beneficial to be hushed up or less promoted in case it upsets people.
It needs to be normalised

Dsmummy · 04/11/2017 08:26

And it’s printed on formula because they have a legal obligation to admit their product isn’t and can’t be as good. That’s why it’s illegal to advertise or have on sale before a child is 6 months