To ask what you absolutely do not tolerate when looking after toddler(s)?

[BernardBlacksHangover]

I have a nearly 3yo and she is quite high energy.

Just wondering what behaviour other parents / grandparents / other carers take a 'zero tolerance' approach to.

I guess for us it's anything immediately dangerous like running into the road, sticking things up nose, eating dangerous / very dirty stuff. Also hurting other children or adults.

Wonder if we're a little bit slack tbh? She is very bouncy and likes climbing everywhere, running around, (we do stop this if we're in a shop or cafe or something) and isn't a very good eater.

Would love to hear what others do.

Tia.

No biting the cat. No putting things inside your bottom. No throwing toys at the telly.

Pretty slack here too TBH. Can't remember the last time we ate somewhere that didn't have a play area attached.

We’re slack here with our 3 year old. No kicking your brother, hold hands when crossing the road, you must take your wet leggings off and sit on the potty when you’ve had one of many accidents.

No bare bums or fighting. That’s it.

When I was nannying my absolute ‘no’ behaviours were:
Fighting or violence (twins, so there was a lot!)
Snatching (as this usually led to fighting or meltdowns)
Running off (unless in a safe area and I had said okay)
Destruction (eg. Drawing on things, emptying the cupboards... stuff that is hard to tidy up)

Other than that, I was very easy going. There isn’t really a lot else that toddlers can do that is particularly naughty in my opinion!

No messing with TV /consoles or remotes.
No ransacking sofa /cushions /throws.
No annoying ddogs or dcats.

No playing with willies on the sofa.

At home non negotiable include:

• no hurting each other.

-no throwing things inside -no rudeness towards me. I won't be shouted at, ordered around and definitely not hurt in any way

• behave nicely when dealing with nappies/potty
• I expect them to sit nicely at the table and wait until everyone has finished to get up. I try to get them to use cutlery nicely but not there yet.
• I brush their teeth and expect them to behave whilst I do it.

When we're put and about:

• be polite towards other people. If someone says 'hello' you say hello back, say please and thank you- that sort of thing.
• no running off. Ever.
• no racing around shops/cafes etc. No touching things on shelves unless I say it's ok.
• If we go to a cafe I expect them to be polite, eat nicely and sit nicely

I think in general my children are well behaved considering they're only still quite little.

Pretty much what has already been said, but also must sit down when eating or drinking - more of a safety/mess thing, really.

No hitting/biting
No throwing toys/food
No climbing on the TV unit/tables/windowsills...
Holding hands to cross the road
No running away in shops

Think that's it really. Although any of these result in being told off/taken home if running away while out. We don't do naughty step/time out or anything like that.

Hitting
Climbing on things they shouldn’t
Ditto bouncing
Tantrums get ignored (even when my DSis tells me to tickle my 3yo DNephew if he’s having a gas trim to cheer him up )
Nastiness to adults or children

I don’t like to micro manage their play though, and won’t get involved with things like snatching unless the snatching has caused harm

Reassuring to hear we're not unusually relaxed then? I watched an episode of three day nanny last night which was inevitably going to throw me into a shame / self-doubt spiral really.

When we are out, for instance at a play group, no throwing things or damaging things otherwise and no grabbing toys from other kids. My toddler doesn't steal toys, but other kids try to take it out of his hands sometimes and if their parents don't step in I do!

No bare bums? Whatever not? Surely running round naked is part and parcel of being a toddler?

InDubiousBattle it sounds like you have very compliant children!

I think we're probably at our best at toddler groups where DD plays with other children. Although we go to fewer of those now she's at pre-school.

It's at home she can go a bit ott. Climbing is one I'd love to tackle (especially since she likes to use me as a climbing frame which is becoming increasingly difficult as I'm 6 months pregnant) and sitting at the table. She isn't great with mealtimes. But then I don't think she really enjoys meals with just the two or three of us, (DD, DH and me). She eats more when we go out or eat with friends or family. Maybe it's my cooking !

Indubiousbattle how do you get them to let you clean their teeth properly? I haven’t mastered that with any of mine til they’re well over two, until that point I only manage a very quick brush in between them biting down on the brush.

Drawing on walls and reading books. My neighbour has crayon and felt tip pens scribbles on every single wall.
Hitting and biting.
Picking the cat up (we had big problems with this when DD was about 3).
Mucking around in restaurants and cafe areas.

No excessive fiddling down the trousers, no biting, no snatching. I didn’t take either child out to eat until they’d stopped being feral. Don’t watch the experts. It’ll just make you feel bad. Carry on with enthusiastic amateur efforts and it’ll all turn out ok.

No putting things inside your bottom
I love that this has to be a rule

Be kind is my big rule, covers a myriad of behaviours
No running off unless I have ok’d it, no violence, and indoor voices inside.
No messing with the remotes unless they do not want to watch tv (if the remote gets lost or broken I am not replacing it)
That's it really, not much that they can do which is awful tbh.

No bare bums on the sofa or at the table. YY to bare bums running around.

We did have our first drawing on walls incident today. She genuinely didn't know that was a bad idea though. She cleaned it off herself and was very sweet about it, so hopefully she won't do that again too soon.

You could start making a picture or pattern with her food. I used to make a mountain with cutted up pear or apple, faces with sausages, mash and peas, Jenga tower with slices of sandwiches. Maybe ask if she wants to direct the arranging or apply her own ketchup and so on. Mealtimes were a ball ache.

• kind hands
• be kind to the pets

They don't really play up (at the moment) so we haven't had to do a big list of rules but my absolute zero tolerance things are people or animals being hurt.

TBH don’t even think about deciding if what you are doing with your dd is ok from the aswers on this thread.
Whatever you do needs to be in.ine with what YOU think is ok to do.
I would also advise you to think ahead and think what sort of nehaviour/quality you want to nurture in your child (ie what are your ethical principles) and then decide what you will do according to that.

I was much more strict than with my own dcs because that’s what is important for me.
Even now they are teens, these principles still hold and they still inform my choices when I ask the dcs to do something.

So think about what is important for you rather than comparing yourself with the Jones and deciding if you need to adapt just to be like everyone else.