To ask what you absolutely do not tolerate when looking after toddler(s)?

[BernardBlacksHangover]

I have a nearly 3yo and she is quite high energy.

Just wondering what behaviour other parents / grandparents / other carers take a 'zero tolerance' approach to.

I guess for us it's anything immediately dangerous like running into the road, sticking things up nose, eating dangerous / very dirty stuff. Also hurting other children or adults.

Wonder if we're a little bit slack tbh? She is very bouncy and likes climbing everywhere, running around, (we do stop this if we're in a shop or cafe or something) and isn't a very good eater.

Would love to hear what others do.

Tia.

Thanks. That's a good idea hearthole. She loves helping with cooking / preparing meals for us, but just doesn't seem to want to eat them.

TBH my only non-neg with my friends' toddlers is that they must sit up at the table to eat or drink - but that's mainly because I have a dog who loves food and small children and I don't want to set him up to snatch food from them and so cause a fright.

Oh and if I get hit or something thrown I say 'no' very firmly and walk away from whatever game we're playing. But that's it really.

No grabbing the cat by the ears to kiss it on the lips.

Well in my ideal scenario she'd be a perfect angel at all times of course! Sadly, she has her own ideas. So I do what works for both of us as far as possible I guess. Until I watched that bloody tv program !

My main issue was was always that we don't climb on furniture or jump on sofas / pull the cushions off.

Other stuff was the same as others
-no walking round with food
-please and thank you
-hold hands when crossing roads
-no getting down from the table in restaurants / cafes
-no hitting and snatching

I should add that my kids are now older, youngest is 7 and my rules are still virtually the same including no food upstairs ever and I absolutely do not tolerate rudeness and will pick up on it each and every time. We have 2 mottos in our family 1) to every problem there's a solution and 2) think about how you would feel if someone did what you're about to do / say to you and if you don't like the answer then don't do it. These seem to nip most things in the bud

I have 2 DD's under 3

No hitting
I'm going to brush your hair regardless whether you have a tantrum
You have to either hold hands by roads or go in the buggy
You have to hold hands next to a river
No standing on the dining table

I don't like programmes like supernanny/3 day nanny etc. They're more for families who need remedial work rather than rules you need to apply to every child and every situation. I don't use any of the methods in those shows and I'm not strict and don't want to be either. Apart from safety and respect for me and others, I just deal with each behaviour on it's own merit. I don't get mad about toddler behaviour, nothing really bothers me that much. My eldest toddler who's nearly 3 has ASD anyway so most of the rules go out the window. It's mean't i'm calm by default, nothing else works!

You might need to introduce a few when the baby arrives. We've gone with
No licking your brother
No bashing your brother
No feeding the food you don't want to the baby

We have always just had no hurting people/animals or things. In other words no damaging the house or possessions. Or anything overtly dangerous obviously.

No hitting.
And especally no hitting with things.

No screaming or shouting. They can be loud when we are in outside spaces but I can’t tolerate it in the house and our neighbours shouldn’t have to either. For some reason they find it really difficult to keep the noise to a reasonable level.

No jumping off furniture

Leave the dog alone

No hitting or snatching

Speak nicely to each other

Unkindness and whinging.
Er, that's about it. Everything else is an explanation, some modelling of better behaviour, or whatever. They are only learning.
They are allowed to be sad or cross or tired and frustrated or all the happy ones too! But no whinging. However, there is no 'punishment' or anything - just 'could you say that in a better way, please?!' And then they do it.
I don't think it's slack, I think it's showing them how to do things a different way that hey don't know yet.
IMO, 'punishments' etc just escalate things for a lot of small children. Natural consequences and the reaction to it 'oh dear, it's broken now so we can't play with it' 'WAHHHH!' are just left to run their course as it is a child learning that action - consequence - not anything to do with anything else.
Pick your battles and remember they are making sense of a crazy world, is my approach.

No hitting.
No biting
No lying.
Only throw balls and only outside.
Only draw/paint/write on paper.
Help to clear up drinks if you spill them.
Teeth brushing, car seats, going to the loo before a journey and holding hands to cross the road are non negotiable.
You have to be quiet during church services, theatre and cinema trips.

No high pitched screams, no jumping on furniture, no throwing things.

I would say no to climbing TBH, there's a risk you could get kicked or trash your furniture.
My rules would be no fighting, kicking or shouting and always polite behaviour.

Please and thank you.
No running off.
Hold hands to cross over.
No picking up baby or cat.

No licking your brother

Yes, I was astounded that things like this needed to be said, but they did...regularly. Even now I have to tell them to not lick each other sometimes, at 5 and 3

According to my in laws, it’s non negotiable and my 3 and 2 year old to have to sit at the table for the entire 2 hour duration of the meal. So that goes well, obviously.

Haha mine have to be told not to lick each other too and also not to put their willies in each other faces.
They don’t like wearing clothes in the house which I don’t mind but I insist on a minimum of pants because otherwise there’s too much playing with willies going on.

Mine aren't toddlers anymore but my youngest has ASD and his understanding is that of a toddler. My rules have always been:

No hurting others (find a blanket no hurting anyone helps as that covers hitting pinching and biting)
Stop at roads and wait for an adult
No spitting (luckily DS has stopped that now)
Always remember to say please and thank you

I was shopping this morning and in the supermarket was a woman with a child aged around 2 in a backwards facing pram. All good so far but the child was standing in the seat, no strap or harness to be seen and leaning forward over the front of the pram whilst screaming its head off. The mum was unconcerned.
I judged and found her lacking.

There are little and not so little bare bums running around me constantly. Honestly I find it endearing. You don't get away with bare bums all your life. Enjoy it while you can is my motto!

Just thought of another From bitter experience only water to drink in the living room. Milk only to be consumed at the kitchen table.

I asked my children to come.up with a family motto....

"Flush the toilet after a runny poo"
"No naked bottoms on the sofa"

Other than that anything goes - although I am like OP in that safety issues are not tolerated, and I insist on good manners and eating sensibly.

I have lots of rules in my head.

Sadly 3 almost 4 year old ds is going through a particularly defiant phase. The only rule that I can actually enforce is be kind to the dog. Because he loves the dog more than me.

I have lots of conversations along the lines of 'here is lunch, lets sit at the table. No at the table please ds. Well don't eat it then. No you aren't taking the plate to the living room, put it down. No put your sandwich down please ds. Put it down please. Well sit nicely with it, no nicely. Well sit on the floor then but nicely. Ds will you please take your sandwich off your head'.

I am in awe of some of the other 3 year olds who actually do as they are told. Dd is 13 now and was definitely easier than ds. And I would say I am stricter now then when she was a small person.

Ds is very much his own man.