Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, broken nights

[Turkkadin]

There are regularly threads started on MN about months of broken nights, breastfeeding and having babies sleeping in bed with you.
I'm not trying to be goads or unsympathetic, just trying to compare styles of parenting young babies. Maybe it's a generational thing as I'm 52. All 3 of mine were breastfed from birth for 3 weeks then bottle fed.
They weren't rocked to sleep and were often put to bed at night awake.
None ever co slept with us. They all went through the night from a matter of weeks old and all were good settled sleepers. I'm not saying our way was better but it seemed a lot simpler.

" If I was exhausted from lack of sleep I wouldnt mind hearing about other mums experiences who arnt exhausted from lack of sleep."

Yes, just what an exhausted mum wants to hear at 11pm. Some smug drivel about how you did it right and how we are doing it wrong. Tactless, goady and completely unhelpful.

"I just said I didn't long term breastfeed, co sleep or rock them to sleep and they all got into the swing of it quickly. "

@Turkkadin the mistake you're making here is linking the fact that you formula fed/didn't co sleep/didn't rock to the fact that they were able to be put down and left to sleep. Another mother could have done the same as you and had a non-sleeping baby. Or they could have done completely different things and had the same result as you. It's not helpful to anyone else to list what you did and then link that to the type of sleep that you got from your babies.

Plus the other big mistake you're making is thinking that the posts you see on here are the full picture. Nearly all posts will be from people looking for help. For each one of those there will be dozens of women doing the same without having any problems. In any case, you also see plenty of posts from formula feeding mothers who are having lots of night time wakings and feedings.

You honestly think exhausted mums haven’t tried your glorious secret of ‘put them down and see if they fall asleep’

REALLY? Are you an idiot?

Sorry Star. I just think the OP is trying to say she got it “just right”.. when clearly everyone is just doing their best.

If I was exhausted from lack of sleep I wouldnt mind hearing about other mums experiences who arnt exhausted from lack of sleep.

Really? Really? So that's a complete empathy bypass then.....

I can see the ops point. I know a lady who was signed off sick from work for weeks as she was so exchausted and sleep deprived from her co sleeping BG toddler. To be honest had I been that persons colleague and picking up the workload I may have been unimpressed.

I don't (genuinely) understand the point of your post?
What is the AIBU?
It feels like you're telling us all how to 'parent' and criticising us OP

@AnnabelFan I think op just wanted to publicly congratulate herself on her parenting skills

Simpler doesn't mean better. No-one claims that the benefits of breastfeeding include sleeping through the night at 3 weeks in their own room.

Breastfeeding, cosleeping and being responsive to your baby aren't new, faddish things. They are how the human race has survived and thrived. My mother is a quarter century older than you, OP, and do it all 3 times over.

I have two children. The first I breastfed and coslept with til she was nearly 3. She was a terrible sleeper, and I was exhausted.

The second is a toddler. I'm still BF, and sometimes cosleeping. She is a good sleeper. I'm not exhausted.

Sometimes it's just luck of the draw.

My mother is 72 she breastfed me for 8 months.

My baby is ebf and we co sleep. I’d love to see you try to give him a bottle ( clue he refuses them) and put him in his crib awake.. he would be screaming for hours.

As is he wakes very briefly once a night and as is next to me we can do a night feed and be back to sleep in 10 mins.

Do you think we haven’t tried other things?

You sound smug and idiotic. I feel sorry for your children.

I don't understand the point of the OP then. If I'd have been able to put DD down without her crying hysterically I would have done. I didn't feed her to sleep or get up to feed her in the night because I'm of a generation for whom it's fun or because I wanted to be a martyr, I did it because she woke up hungry and crying.

Maybe if she'd have been ff she'd have slept through earlier but I'm not sure it would have made any difference and for me it was simpler to breastfeed her because we were lucky that both of us took to it easily so I didn't have to faff about with bottles and sterilising.

Belle 1616

My children are 30 and nearly 13 and 14. Please don't feel sorry for them. They have done very well so far without your pity and none of them screamed constantly when put down???

So none of yours screamed when put down. Do you think that's because of your parenting or just luck?

Some real undeserved nastiness to the op here.
FWIW I was FF. I imagine I was in my own room and fed by routine but I obviously don’t remember. Same for my DH. Both v v close to our mums.

Oh come on OP, you thought telling us to put the baby down awake may help some sleep felt Really???

Gah that was meant to read... sleep deprived mum

Surely if mums could put their baby down awake and said baby falls asleep happily without crying then they'd already be doing that?!

No-one wants a non sleeping baby. But a lot of us get them.

Gotta say this thread pissed me off at 3am and 5am.

Nothing wrong with your methods, OP. Mine were similar, though as I said earlier, I didn't breastfeed at all. They had formula from birth.

Everyone finds a method to suit them. No need for all of the nastiness on this thread. I thought it would descend into this, but did originally interpret the OP as an attempt to simply start a discussion rather than criticise.

I too was formula fed from birth, and slept in my cot in my own room from day one etc. I have no memory of it until I was about 18 months old or so. I am close to my parents too.

I did the same with my kids because I liked it. They were rarely awake when put down, and if they were they were very tired and nodded almost straight off. All slept through from just a few weeks old, and on the occasions when they did wake were never left to cry.

I guess we may have been lucky (three times over), and it doesn't work out that way for everyone.

I see no need for anyone to feel sorry for OP's children,for for mine. Several of them are adults now (mine are 22, 19 and 15) and we are close.

Love how the mumsnet army all come out in force and get offended. I put my son to sleep awake in his cot and he goes down from 7pm until 6am doesn't even cry do I get a medal too

My mum bf all three of us stopping 12-18months. My parents said we all slept through but I recall crying alone and distraught as a young child in bed. They are good parents generally but I don’t want to copy them in everything. Times change. I’m sure my children will feel the same.

Well, lucky you.

I'm in my sixties. I co-slept with two. Paced the floor with one and breastfed all.

They did not sleep well.

IM_not-so-humble-O it is luck. Or nature.

So today, you will get babies that sleep and babies that don't.

And it isn't for one second 'generational' as my friends had mixed experiences too.

So none of your babies screamed, and screamed and screamed when you put them down? Goodo. You were very lucky.

I battled with dd's sleep for my whole maternity leave and waaaay past. She can cry longer than me (or the neighbours) can tolerate without needing sleep. We're talking hours not minutes. Cry it out does not and never will work on her.

Go ahead and think it was your skill over good fortune but it's not. Just laying the baby down is the first thing everyone tries fgs (did you really think that was some amazing tip? It's hardly a lemon in the microwave is it?)

Dd may not be one of life's sleepers but we have had no problems yet with walking, talking, eating a variety of foods, medically or behaviourally so that must all be down to my superior parenting rather than dumb luck (emphasis on the dumb)

My mum's 71, co-slept for 2 yrs, BF for 3.

If it's a generational thing then your generation is the odd one out