...to think you would sack an agent who can't even spell your location

[PickAChew]

It's Ushaw Moor, FFS!

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-51336084.html

It's not even one of those online agents.

Cute house if you can see past the orange pine, mind.

We put our house on the market.

Apparently it was ‘continently’ places for city centre links, they didn’t bother changing photos when I sent updated ones as we had windows replaced, and they didn’t notice when we took the sign down.

Absolute shower they were.

Mind you, whoever owns it was possibly blinded by the language used in the sales pitch? There are such beauties in there as:

"The property ...is laid to solid oak flooring...and gas central heating throughout."

"The bathroom benefits from being beautifully tiled and includes both shower and bath facilities."

"Bedrooms one and two are suitable doubles with solid oak flooring within and indeed throughout the main accommodation."

And the clincher: "In total, the property benefits from...external onsite parking and private communal gardens."

I love Estate Agent speak!

The do talk TOTAL BOLLOCKS, though, don't they? Often in ALL CAPS for effect.

OUTSTANDING.

‘Usher’ Moor! Hahahahahaha! Fuckwits.

"We are delighted to bring to the market offer for sale this quirky..."

"is available for sale strictly appointment"

They really haven't proof read this at all have they? Between the gobbledygook and poor punctuation it's incredibly amateurish.

I think this is my favourite nonsense:
"There is access to the attic which fully functions as a storage or teenage space"

Also, needs photos of the second bedroom and teenage space :-)

I think I'd sack 'em.

Where I live, most places are fairly simple to spell... But the number of agents that put Harbourne instead of Harborne, and Bourneville instead of Bournville... Grrr

And what is this trend for "formally a "?
No, you fuckwits- "formerly" is what you're meaning

Kings I was Shelly Oak myself ;)

Saw a house my way 'Open House! 24th April 2017. By appointment only'

Er?

They do, although I do have to except Roy Brooks from that. He's long gone now (some of his original adverts are worth a google, but looks like the ethos still lives on.

Now off to look for more dodgy EA-speak on Rightmove...

Kings maybe your lot are just following the Tudor style? All the Johnny-Jump-Ups back then used to 'frenchify' names (e.g. Bullen became Boleyn, Fanshawe ->Featherstonehaugh, Chumley ->Cholomondely etc.,)

private communal gardens - eh?

My favourite is when they specify ‘Must be viewed’. As opposed to all the houses people are queuing up to buy sight unseen?

I love the space that functions “as a storage or teenage space”
A space to store your teenager?? 🤣

*attic I meant

"benefits from 562sqft of gross internal accommodation"
Not a gross total, but your accommodation is gross, OP.

"external onsite parking" Wow....oh wait, that's a drive isn't it?

"retreatful living" Not a word.

Roy Brooks was a legend in SE London.

Why do estate agents get away with such rubbish? I corrected our particulars and sent them back.

What I also find annoying is when the estate agents put the wrong location.
When I was looking it was amazing how many agents would advertise a house as being in a certain area of a town (normally a really nice part) when in reality it was situated in not very nice area over a mile away.
Or making up an imaginary location ie: Upper Slough instead of just Slough (just made this up as an example)

Estate agents are useless in general, in my opinion and speaking from long experience. So many of them are unable to use correct English, and I have spent many hours over the years proofreading their crappy descriptions. It's high time that this industry was regulated and minimum standards adhered to, given the money they make for essentially just advertising and passing on messages.

Our local optician can’t spell the area their shop is in on my paperwork. Mind boggles.

I saw one the other day that said houghton of spring.

I'd happily store my teen in the attic. Leave enough snacks and he'd never want to leave.

That's pretty poor, juney!

Then again, the person writing that one could have been from Burnmoor/Bournmoor. An entire village that can't work out how to sell itself.

I was bemused by an "executive" 4 bed house that was merely a not particularly large newbuild. I think it was the 3 toilets that made it an "executive" home.

I had an argument with my agent who tried to insist that my living room was 15 foot wide. The 2' of it that overlaps with the corner of the dining room might be but no one is going to look at it and think, yeah, 15'.

Spell itself. I don't get paid for my keyboard ineptitude, though.

Plenty of "executive" houses down at Elba Park but first you got to drive through Shiney Row to get there!

I live a few miles away from Ushaw Moor, I see loads of people who live there who can't even spell it right!