To think you wouldn’t leave this child at a party

[peachy94]

DS (4) went to a birthday party and one boy was dropped off and the parent left (all the other parents stayed) he refused to join in, he kept running off on his own and hiding, he wouldn’t sit down with everyone to eat, wouldn’t eat anything (mum hosting had even bought different food especially for him knowing he is extremely fussy) he was clearly distressed the whole time and he kept hitting himself in the head. He doesn’t talk much and struggles with interacting. AIBU to think as a parent you wouldn’t leave this child to be dealt with by the host and other parents? I don’t know them very well because DS has only just started school but parents who’s kids went to the nursery said he’s always like this at parties, outings, play dates etc.

Poor kid, awful parents.

Yanbu.

The poor child clearly has some problems.

I wouldn't no. But could it have already been prearranged with the host?

YANBU. Not only is it unfair to the the party host. Its also unfair to him.
He seemed very nervous and frightened.

YADNBU, OP. It was very wrong of the boys’ parents to leave him at the party, he was obviously frightened, poor thing. And it was unfair on the hosting parents as well.

It depends. It doesn't sound like he was bothering anyone other than himself. It sounds as though he may have some additional needs. If the parents know the host mum well and trusted her and she was happy for them to leave then why not?
Presimably the mum knows him a bit if she knows he's fussy.

Personally I wouldn't but he may well have behaved in the same way even if a parent was there. Did he require intervention from the adults that were there?

I’ve seen this happen before. There was a child in one of my dc’s foundation class who needed a 1:1 LSA in school yet his parents thought he’d be fine to be left alone at a bouncy castle party. If he needed help at school why did they think he’d be fine a party? Sadly people didn’t invite him to other parties because of that. Conversely I did 1:1 with a child whose mum would always accompany her to parties therefore parents felt confident to invite her.

Totally unacceptable, poor kid.

When DD had her 3yo party almost all the parents dropped and run which came as a huge shock to me. One dad left a little boy while he was sobbing, just gave him a little push and told him to get on with it! Even worse another family dropped off an older sibling without even asking. He was 6 or 7yo and he was very badly behaved. He hit the younger children, stole the toys they had won at the various games, etc. I ended up having one adult deal just with that sibling to keep him under control. His parents must have known he was going through a difficult stage when they dumped him at a party he wasn't even invited at.

. People still never cease to amaze do they, Booboo.

YANBU but as the host, I would have phoned his parents and told them someone needed to either come and stay with him, or take him home.

Poor thing.

Yanbu

We had something similar at my dd’s party. Poor kid has speech delay and basically couldn’t really interact with the other children. He got incredibly upset quite easily.

I was pretty pissed off because his mum clearly wanted to dump and run and she didn’t warn me that her son couldn’t talk! So I was left trying to a) understand him and b) try and work out what upset him and avoid it. This child had never met me before and was left to it!!!

Wow. He seems a bit young to dump and run without clear prior agreement. Surely parents check first?

BooBoosTwo - that sounds like madness! Surely parents should check beforehand whether they can dump kids that young. If only to check the level of adult supervision. And dumping an uninvited older sibling without asking. Words fail me!

No I don’t think leaving any child under 6 is a good idea. Some parents just run off!

It's rare for people to dump and run at that age irrespective of the personality of the child. If you genuinely can't stay, you ask another parent (not the host) to supervise your DC.

Do we know it wasn't arranged with the host though? The op hasn't said.

We did agree to this at a party with DC2's good friend with various SEND going on. DC2 was desperate for friend to be there but friend's mum had 3 other kids with other SEND and single mum to boot, so we said he could come without her.

He was bloody hard work and I did spend a lot of time helping the friend, but we have SEN DCs too so tried to be understanding/inclusive.

I'd say it's tough from both sides.

Are you the host Mum?
If not, how do you know this wasn't agreed?

Not saying it was the right thing to do for the child, and i always stayed with my SN DS long after the other parents had started dropping and running, but as a SN parent it's quite possible the Mum saw this as a chance for a break.

I'm lucky that I've always coped with my DS but other SN parents I know really struggle - on antidepressants, heavy drinking, completely trapped by their child, unable to work/socialise/leave the house etc.

As much as I feel for the child, i don't want to judge the Mum either. He could be like that all the time and far from being a bad parent, she could be at breaking point and really suffering herself.

Unfortunately because SN children can be such hard work, often no one wants to help out. It's not right to leave him in that state, but perhaps she needed to sp she can cope with him later.

Other than hiding and what was likely stimming behaviour (hitting himself in the head) I can't see what he did that was that bad?
I've had parents drop and run at parties and their kids have been an actual nightmare - damaging stuff, hitting other kids etc.

Most parents stay until around age 5/6 at the parties we've been to/held. Poor little thing.

Poor little thing! It sounds like it was a very stressful situation for him.

I once went to a party for 3yos where the parents of the birthday child TOLD all the other parents to leave as there wasn't space in their flat. I stayed though as my DD was very clingy and refused to stay without me. A couple of other parents did the same. We ended up looking after loads of tearful 3yos :(

I wasn’t the host no, the host might have agreed to it in advance but she’s a really lovely lady and would probably have agreed even if she didn’t feel comfortable. It was at a bowling alley and it’s half term so very busy. When he ran off he could have easily got out of the building and into a busy car park. The host was incredibly stressed over making sure he was ok and we (the other parents) had to keep leaving our own kids to run after him. I get she probably needs a break and the parent seems like a really nice person I’m truing not to judge as I don’t know her situation I just thought it was abit off

So we don't know if it was unreasonable. Maybe the parents had to work and lovely host encouraged them to drop the child. Or maybe they were cfs or neglectful.