To except more from my OH..

[Poppy67Fox]

We have just had a baby and had just started to live together a few months ago. He goes to work and leaves the house at 8am and comes home at 6.30pm. He cooks dinner most nights as this is something he enjoys and likes to spend time doing. Apart from this, he does absolutely nothing. No household chores (since we’ve moved in I don’t think he’s ever picked up a hoover or a duster). In regards to our baby, I spend all day and night with her as I’m on matertnity leave. He will get in from work, make dinner (30 mins tops) and then sit on the sofa in front of the TV with his phone until he goes to bed. I will feed and settle the baby and then I’ll ask him if he wants a cuddle. He will go “oh but she’s really comfortable on you” and I say to him that he needs to spend more time with her so she becomes used to him and will settle with him if I’m ever out. He will cuddle her for 10/15 minutes and then often she wakes and starts wriggling around/whinging and he will go “I don’t know why she’s crying, can you take her?” And hand her straight back to me. Instantly back on his phone. When I ask him if he can help, he says he just wants to chill out as he’s had a long, hard day at work (he is a manager in sales and it is a knackering job I do know this as we used to work together) and seems to think that my days aren’t knackering too running around to keep the place half tidy and also look after a 5 week old baby. AIBU to think I could expect just a little bit more from him in the evenings? I don’t think it’s unreasonable but being at home all day should I just be expected to take care of the chores too and not expect anything from him in the evening? I mentioned this to him this morning and he said “no worries I’ll take her tonight but you can cook the dinner”. Why does it have to be a swap? Why can’t he just offer to do more?
Nail in the coffin for me today was waking up to his dirty clothes from the day before just on the floor of our bedroom and not even put in the laundry basket! I would love to know if I’m being unfair or if this is just the way my life is now!

My dh doesn't even make dinner, doesn't do any washing but does bath our twins. He also has a floordrobe

So you're content with a partner who ignores his own baby?

I have a month old baby and 2 others. My DH interacts more with the baby than yours and also helps see to his other DC. He usually makes dinner and he does some clothes washing as needed and clears up dishes stacks/unstacks dishwasher. At weekends he helps in the night by doing nappies if needed and he gives me both lie ins at the weekend for the time being while i am up feeding loads in the night. (She is BF)

Please speak to him about his behaviour now. It is not acceptable to have that small amount of interaction with your own child who you live with. He should be her main carer from 6.30 until she goes to bed as you are her main carer for thw other 20 hrs per day imo.

"By the way, DH, I've agreed to go out on a day trip with X on Saturday. While I'm out, would you mind doing this, that and the other?"

I also think there's an element of him not understanding just how hard it is to look after a baby because he hasn't done anything.

I think what you really need is a very important event that you must go to for the day while he looks after the baby. Leave him a list of all the things you usually get done during the day. Write him a schedule. Then see how blasé he is about how much work you're doing every day.

I would be much more upset by his lack of interest in our beautiful new baby. Sod the chores what about the baby you have spent the last 9 months lovingly growing and bringing into the world? It's really heartbreaking to read about men where the novelty where's off so quick. Its not like he's even doing any of the hard bits. Doesn't he look at her with any love in his eyes? OP you must be very disappointed.