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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neurotic new mother

102 replies

SilverBirchTree · 01/11/2017 09:06

My baby is 5 weeks old, and this weekend my husband wants to bring him to a family party. There will be about 40-50 people there and they are all excited to meet the baby. It starts at 10am and will go until 5pm.

I'm concerned as the baby hasn't been vaccinated, and I know it will be a full day of people wanting to hold the baby, touch his hands, & basically pass him around like a joint at Woodstock! People have already texted me saying they are dying for a cuddle and if we're there I will feel obligated to let everyone 'have a go' (a phrase I've come to hate!) There will be kids there who are in childcare and often sick, and although I love them to pieces I am worried about them bringing germs to my newborn.

We've also had dramas establishing breastfeeding. We're now 80% of the way there but I'm still not comfortable feeding in front of people, and when the baby is constantly held he tends to get too cosy and sleep through his feeds and get thrown off the fragile rhythm we've established.

Id really rather not go, or just to go for an hour or so. But I would feel so mean telling my husband that, as he is excited to show off the baby.

Am I being a neurotic new mother? Are my fears ridiculous? Anyone else had to make a similar decision?

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 01/11/2017 09:45

No way would I take a 5 week baby to a big party in flu season. It’s not neurotic it’s just practical. It would be the same with kittens and puppies.

BarbarianMum · 01/11/2017 09:48

Um, it's not normal to take your pets to parties at any age or time of year is it? If it is our tortoises have definitely been missing put.

littlebird7 · 01/11/2017 09:49

Go for one hour when the baby is likely to be asleep and don't have the baby passed around. A good compromise but one that has limits so that it does not stress you out.

Myheartbelongsto · 01/11/2017 09:55

What little bird says.

reachforthestarseveryday · 01/11/2017 09:57

Well, having vaccinations won't stop your baby from catching colds and germs - he's not being vaccinated against colds or germs, is he? So is your more important issue the fatc that he might catch a cold?

If you're bfing you're increaing his immune system anyway.

Could you go for a short time, not the whole day?

VladmirsPoutine · 01/11/2017 09:58

Tbh, if you feel you'll be overwhelmed then I wouldn't go at all.

Even if you plan to just be there for an hour or 2 at the most, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

Not worth it. I'd rather let them think me to be neurotic than attend the party actually feel 'neurotic' by all the touching and cuddling.

Slimthistime · 01/11/2017 09:59

sounds like you don't want to go at all

i don't blame you

don't go.

reachforthestarseveryday · 01/11/2017 09:59

Annabelle -

younger kids who might be shedding if they've had the nasal vaccine.

The flu vaccine is not live. You can't catch flu from it.

BarbarianMum · 01/11/2017 10:00

The nasal spray is live isn't it?

RaeCJ82 · 01/11/2017 10:00

OP, go with your gut. If it’s telling you that you really don’t want to go to the party then don’t. You’re recovering from a c section, you’re establishing breastfeeding and your bubba is only 5 weeks old. Do what you want to do and if people don’t understand then sod them.
I wouldn’t have wanted my DD passing round to that many people at that age and I said no (and still say no now she’s 5 months old) to any children holding her, for hygiene reasons and just because children can be careless, even when you tell them to be careful.

TatianaLarina · 01/11/2017 10:02

Funnily enough barbarianmum I’m not referring to taking pets to parties, but the practice of limiting kittens and puppies’ exposure to external gems until they’ve had vaccinations and are old enough to be homed. With pedigrees that’s common practice.

moomoo222 · 01/11/2017 10:03

You aren't being neurotic at all, I would have been the same with my first. You could just tell your DH on the day that you are really sorry you aren't up to it and he should go without you, they can meet the baby next time.

As for germs/flu etc, if you do go - you will be providing the baby with immunity through breastfeeding so if you are exposed to germs the baby is unlikely to get ill (also even if your baby has come in contact with something which you have not, they will pass these germs to you at the next feed - during that feeding, your body will start to manufacture antibodies for that particular germ). This is a good article about that:

www.llli.org/faq/prevention.html

& the chances of them being exposed to the diseases that they will be immunised against are very small. Lastly if you do go you can ask anyone who is going to hold your baby to wash their hands (& make sure you don't care what they think because they'll just have to deal with it!).

If you have the baby in a sling and only give him to people who you feel comfortable with then hopefully it'll lessen your perfectly valid anxiety about it. Also don't be fooled into thinking everyone has got their shit together with a 5 week old, that really isn't true I promise (certainly wasn't for me!)

Good luck!

KarateKitten · 01/11/2017 10:04

With my PFB I didn't leave the house for 8 days at all and on the 8th day my friends baby was being christened and we'd said we'd go. I was not able for it, we were late, it was raining, I got in an argument with DH on the train, we nearly dropped the baby down the stairs, I cried half the way there. I was still sick with 3 different wound infections and not able to walk well. And then we arrived to a full blown party in a pub.

I'm smiling now because I had a great time. My friends big Irish family took baby for very compentent cuddles. I was like a celeb with my little baby that everyone wanted to see and it made me feel so proud. I found a dark corner to practice my badly going breastfeeding. I had a few sips of wine which took the edge off massively. And I was able to see my baby as part of the world for the first time rather than the screaming thing commanding my every moment locked up at home.

It's actually a good memory but was utterly loaded with unnecessary anxiety beforehand.

mirime · 01/11/2017 10:07

I wasn't back to normal at 5 weeks - no section but I had preeclampsia and my blood pressure didn't go down after the birth so I was on medication that made me feel quite ill. I couldn't have managed a party like that.

YANBU to be worried about it at all.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 01/11/2017 10:08

You've done extremely well to breastfeed after a section as its so hard to lift the baby etc.
you are not being neurotic, you are simply seeking the day from your own and your baby's viewpoint. It's important to take care of yourself, and your baby. So you need to plan how to do that without worrying anpbout what others think
Options are
----Don't go- u might miss out

- go for 1 to two hrs - sounds good to me, then you all leave and rest.
go all day - sounds way too long

See how you feel, any of them are ok, but it's what you feel is comfortable xx

Aintgotnosoapbox · 01/11/2017 10:09

Seeing the day
About

kaytee87 · 01/11/2017 10:13

You’re still recovering from surgery op, just say you don’t feel up to it. Your dh should understand.

kaytee87 · 01/11/2017 10:15

If you do want to go somewhere then I highly recommend mum&baby cinema especially at this age when they’re sleepy and happy to feed. It’s so relaxing getting to see a film and get out the house and it’s dark so if you’re shy about feeding it’s the perfect place.

lurkingnotlurking · 01/11/2017 10:15

You've given enough reasons not to go. The fact is, young babies are delicate and are best not exposed to lots of germs if you can avoid it. Plus my goodness that's a late time to stay up with a new born. Stay home.

bottlesandcans · 01/11/2017 10:16

Put baby in a sling and baby will fall asleep (usually) for as long as baby is in the sling (my 6 week old does anyway!).
Leave after a little while, you've got a newborn you are still recovering and can't be at a day long party.

JaniceBattersby · 01/11/2017 10:17

It’s fine to not go. It’s very early days and it can just generally be very overwhelming just leaving the house.

I’m worried about you saying you’re struggling to lose weight. You shouldn’t even be thinking such things at five weeks post-section. There’s plenty of time for that.

Lethaldrizzle · 01/11/2017 10:18

I'd never heard of keeping new borns away from people till I joined mumsnet

kaytee87 · 01/11/2017 10:19

@JaniceBattersby I think op meant the baby had lost weight

lurkingnotlurking · 01/11/2017 10:21

@lethaldrizzle one of my children almost died at 8 weeks old from a usually-mild virus. So I would agree that in cold-season, delicate newborns should be best only held by well people.

HoppityHopHop · 01/11/2017 10:23

You poor thing op that would be my nightmare. My DD is 5 months now but I remember the days of well meaning family wanting cuddles, feeds (she is FF). It actually got me really down because we had so many people coming from day 1, I had a really rough birth and it genuinely felt like she wasn’t my baby. The day we got home from hospital the in laws stayed til 11pm!! Everyone thinks they have a “right” to basically take baby off you and have cuddles and think they are doing you a favour...
honestly in your position op I would grudgingly go to keep the other half happy but I would put my foot down and say max 2 hour stay

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