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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make my children wear coats

79 replies

0utForAWalkBitch · 30/10/2017 19:08

They're 5 and 3.
I regularly meet up with another mum, she always insists her kids wear coats (hats scarves etc in October...). I ask my kids if they want their coats and if they say no I don't force it. Her kids constantly complain they don't want their coats and ask why they need theirs on if my kids don't have to wear their coats, which leads to her having to try and answer them without offfending me 😂
AIBU to not make them wear coats if they don't want?
You don't actually catch cold from being cold as far as I'm aware, so is there any reason to force it??

OP posts:
NapQueen · 30/10/2017 19:11

My dd runs very hot. She would happily run around in a tshirt all weathers. I insist on sleeves of whatever fashion once we are into these months. And if she asks to remove her coat I say yes but insist she carries it.

Ds on the other hand feels the cold so he is always properly bundled up.

As long as they have the option to add layers, fine imo.

CMOTDibbler · 30/10/2017 19:13

My ds has always been a warm blooded child, and as soon as he could talk and understand that if he chose not to have a fleece/coat, then I wouldn't magic one up later if he changed his mind, I let him choose. He's 11 now, and happily cycled to school and back today in a polo shirt

Gretia · 30/10/2017 19:13

I don't make mine wear coats either but I encounter a lot of your "other mum"😂

HoHoHoHo · 30/10/2017 19:16

I remember being forced to wear costs and jumpers as a child when I wasn't cold. I hated it.

nuttyknitter · 30/10/2017 19:16

I’ve never understood why parents insist on coats etc. If children are cold they’ll wear them.

peachy94 · 30/10/2017 19:16

DS is hot blooded like his dad, forever stripping his coats and jumpers off as im shivering away in 500 layers. I only force him if he’s visibly cold

ZoeWashburne · 30/10/2017 19:17

You can’t catch colds from being cold alone, but being cold does lower your immune system, so when there’s lots of bugs going around you are more likely to catch them.

I like pp suggestion: they don’t have to wear it but they have to carry it if not.

Right now in the Uk, kids should have coats on. Not necessarily hats and gloves, but at least a light outerwear layer like a denim jacket.

Fruitcorner123 · 30/10/2017 19:18

Had a similar thing the other day with another mum and it is a bit awkward. People still think you can catch a cold from being cold. I always take a coat for my DCs so they can put it on if they want. I ask them regularly "are you warm enough?" They will tell me if they are cold.

MaisyPops · 30/10/2017 19:18

In these months I'd have them take one with them. The weather is so changeable that they could get soaking wet if it throws it down.
I wouldn't insist on them wearing it though

LuchiMangsho · 30/10/2017 19:19

No, you don't have to force them. But. Being cold or exposed to the cold can be harmful for some kids. My older one has asthma. The younger one was born at 26 weeks so has the lungs of a premature baby. I insist on coats for both and that they are warmly wrapped up. To be fair the older one knows how much he suffers in winter so willingly wraps up.

SandyDenny · 30/10/2017 19:20

How did people manage to dress their children before the internet? Grin

Seriously, you don't need to ask strangers, dress them however you like.

CakesRUs · 30/10/2017 19:20

“Some” mums like their kids to look the part - need to show off cute hats/scarves, for show. We all know those mums...

Frustratedboarder · 30/10/2017 19:23

I have this with my 4½yr old DD, and although I've come to terms with her not wanting to wear her coat when it's chilly (Altho like others I insist she carries it), I do struggle when she refuses to wear a coat when it's drizzling.... Surely being damp can't be good for anyone??! We usually compromise on get wearing it not done up - I still feel really judged by other passing parents tho!

LittleGreyBear · 30/10/2017 19:25

I don't make my children wear coats but I always take them with me and they will tell me if they are cold.

Courgettekatie · 30/10/2017 19:25

I once had my daughters best friends Mum phone me to ask that I insisted my 13 year old daughter wore a coat and then her daughter would. I replied they were teenagers and none of them wore coats and I picked my battles.

BarbarianMum · 30/10/2017 19:28

Being cold makes you susceptible to a whole range of viruses so its not a complete old wives tale. YANBU to parent your way but YABU to judge your friend.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2017 19:31

I feel the need to loud parent the hell out of this. "YES DD YOU DIDN'T WANT YOUR COAT DID YOU?" so that I don't get judged. DD never stops moving and sweats in minus 20.

thecatsthecats · 30/10/2017 19:32

It doesn't end. My MIL persistently buys me scarves and gloves and slippers because she thinks I look cold. I think her house is a blooming sauna.

iwishihadmorehoursintheday · 30/10/2017 19:34

I remember another child's mum telling me off for not wearing a coat when I was about 12!!! Some people r just really funny about insisting kids wrap up! Personally I think it's worse kids to be too hot than too cold! If they don't want their coat on, that probably means they don't need it! If mine are cold, they will say!

Undies1990 · 30/10/2017 19:37

I'd agree with you - if they don't want to wear a coat, don't worry about it! There will be bigger things to worry about as they get older! If they are cold, ask them to tell you - it teaches independent thinking early on. Well done you - ignore others and their views.

Phillipa12 · 30/10/2017 19:42

I do giggle a bit when i see children togged up in everything in October, they are going to be knackered in Jan when it really is cold!

Original poster
0utForAWalkBitch · 30/10/2017 19:46

BarbarianMum I don't think I did judge my friend thanks very much Hmm - it's always just a bit awkward when her kids start whining and I wondered if I was BU (I.e if there was a reason I should make my kids wear coats that I hadn't considered..), I don't think she judges me either. There's no judginess on either side as far as I'm aware just a bit of British awkwardness!

Glad so many of you agree!

OP posts:
Thebookswereherfriends · 30/10/2017 19:46

My daughter doesn't seem to feel the cold and I'm forever double checking that she's warm enough. I've also encountered mum's who insist on coats although, they haven't seemed visibly upset! I also cause trouble in summer by letting my dd take her shoes off in the playground!

DNAwrangler · 30/10/2017 19:47

I live in Germany and people are totally obsessed with wrapping kids up here. I once picked DD up from nursery (aged 3) when it was twenty degrees. She was wearing everything she owned. Ridiculous.
FIL drives me mad telling me my two are too cold/hot.

BamburyFuriou3 · 30/10/2017 19:48

I gave up insisting dd2 wore coats when age 18 months she would not only angrily strip the offending coat off and throw it, but also continue to strip off ENTIRELY including nappy. After it happened on the school run for the third time in front of a load of judgy mums who had been tutting me for months I loudly called "anyone want to try to get this child to wear a coat?!" And just made sure I ostentatiously carried a coat for her from then.
I'm just happy with clothes Grin if she's getting cold we limit outdoor time if she is still refusing. The child has more coats and gilets and fleeces than the rest of the family put together- all totally pristine Grin