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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not make my children wear coats

79 replies

0utForAWalkBitch · 30/10/2017 19:08

They're 5 and 3.
I regularly meet up with another mum, she always insists her kids wear coats (hats scarves etc in October...). I ask my kids if they want their coats and if they say no I don't force it. Her kids constantly complain they don't want their coats and ask why they need theirs on if my kids don't have to wear their coats, which leads to her having to try and answer them without offfending me 😂
AIBU to not make them wear coats if they don't want?
You don't actually catch cold from being cold as far as I'm aware, so is there any reason to force it??

OP posts:

ProseccoMamam · 30/10/2017 20:44

Both my kids get hot so easily, as newborns they would get so uncomfortable so they were usually in thin shirts and jeans with a thin jacket (rarely a coat) in colder months-we live up north too

I’ve had sly remarks for not putting vests on under clothes (they got too warm anyway but I personally find it really babyish to have vests in under their clothes)
I’ve had a woman take a blanket from my pram basket and try to wrap DS2 up on the bus last summer because he ‘is only small and he will be freezing’ - he was hot, sweaty and on a crowded bus in a black pram
Also been given lots and lots of dirty looks from strangers when I’ve walked down the street in a fur coat and winter boots while DS1 was wearing shorts and a long sleeve shirt. I’m sure they all though I was neglecting him and only cared about my self

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2017 20:46

As the parent it’s my job to ensure they are taken care of, not to be their best friend.

And as part of my parenting I’m teaching DD that decisions have consequences. She doesn’t wear a coat, great, but there will be no whining. What’s she’s learned to do is go onto the porch, see how she feels, wear a coat if she’s cold. Much easier and better parenting than forcing her.

My laziness and lacklustre parenting causes learning.

littlecabbage · 30/10/2017 20:48

I like to treat my children like individuals who are able to decide whether or not they feel cold and therefore whether or not to wear a coat. They don't seem to feel the cold and have no underlying lung issues etc. I always take their coats so that they can change their minds later.

I agree - pick your battles. If you show your kids you respect their choices where it is safe and reasonable to do so, you ultimately have a better relationship.

Starlighter · 30/10/2017 20:48

I always have their coats with me in cold weather but I just end up carrying them around! They hate wearing them and I don’t force them too.

My kids are always on the go, always hot - just like their dad!

I’m currently sitting here in pyjamas, dressing gown and a blanket while my husband is in boxers and a t-shirt!!

BamburyFuriou3 · 30/10/2017 20:48

Dd1 is made to wear her coat as she comes out of school. Usually by the time she's crossed the courtyard to me her hair is actually plastered with sweat. Off comes the coat, cardigan and she is much happier in her short sleeved polo shirt even on frosty days. Strangely she will wear gloves though. She's the same at night - if we force pyjamas on her she gets all sweaty so she sleeps in just knickers unless it's freezing. And we don't run the heating overnight unless it drops below 12. And also she insists on just an empty duvet cover as the actual duvet makes her too hot - while I'm in fleeces PJ's, duvet, blanket, bed socks ....

Purplepixiedust · 30/10/2017 20:49

I never made my son wear a coat. Loads of school mums would insist. We had this all the time. From being about 3 they know if they are cold or not!

RavenWings · 30/10/2017 20:50

My class are divils for never putting on a coat - or even jumpers.

I don't push it, they know they can get their coats if they want and if they head out and immediately want to grab a jacket, I let them. I don't see the point in forcing someone into a coat they don't want.

BamburyFuriou3 · 30/10/2017 20:50

Starlighter - that's my household too! Kids like it about 16 and just wear short sleeves, DH in t shirt and shorts - me in tights, jeans, long sleeve t shirt, fleece, blanket .....

trinity0097 · 30/10/2017 20:56

It was about 2 degrees at the start of school today, even some of our hardy kids who don’t bring jumpers to school went and got their sport tracksuit tops!

MrsOverTheRoad · 30/10/2017 20:58

I have this with my friend who INSISTS her children wear slippers at all times indoors.

Poor kids never feel their feet on the ground except in bed or bath!

Original poster

0utForAWalkBitch · 30/10/2017 20:59

Oh yes, like other posters I always ensure they have access to a coat should they change their mind as they're still only wee. I have similar memories of being made to wear a coat and feeling hot and sick though so I don't generally make them carry it if it's been me insisted they bring it as I don't think that's fair.
For those posters saying if you are in a coat, your kid needs a coat - are you running around as much as they are?! I had a light jacket on in the park the other day, my 5yo was in a t shirt but running around everywhere whereas I was standing still. She was roasting!

OP posts:

Littleraincloud · 30/10/2017 21:02

I make mine because I'm of the "mum said so you do it camp". If I'm wearing a coat so are they. However - I don't drive so we are out a lot walking and its cold in Yorkshire ! It also means we need hands free to hold their hands to keep them safe, rather than staffing with coats. But... what I'm increasingly seeing is shoeless, sockless babies with no blanket. This I admit I judge. If they won't wear socks zip on a cosy toes ffs

3out · 30/10/2017 21:07

RavenWings, I love you. Please be my children’s teacher! Our school insists the kids wear coats when they go out to play. They do not, however, care if the coat is immediately removed and then left in the playground. The playground is at the back of the school, DD’s year is let out at the front. No one is allowed into the school once they are let out. There are 6 exits for the school kids (for congestion reasons) and DS is out at the opposite side. This means all waiting until we’re together before all traipsing around the entire school to check under every bush, swing and play hut in the playground in the great coat hunt. This happens several times a week. I’m considering supergluing the coat to my daughter.

SomeBananasAreStillGreen · 30/10/2017 21:11

The other day, I stood in the garden wearing jeans, jumper, boots and coat, while my two boys ran around barefoot in shorts and vests. I was freezing, and they both complained of being hot.

An hour later, we went to the park, and I insisted on them putting on trousers and taking coats. They didn't need them. .. truth is, I was afraid of being judged by other parents, and seen as neglecting them. I had to carry the coats the whole time.

Sara107 · 30/10/2017 21:14

I know some people don't feel the cold much, but I'm always amazed at the lack of warm outdoor clothing on children. Even little ones in buggies are often just in indoor clothes. When the school take the children out somewhere, they always feel the need to send a letter home asking for the children to have a coat. I don't think children always connect the feeling of being chilly with the need to put an extra layer on, it's something they learn ( or not!).

RavenWings · 30/10/2017 21:18

@3out - it's bonkers watching them running about happily in polo neck and shorts in October, while the teacher on yard shivers in a big puffy coat! But they're happy out.

Coats still go missing on yard but I'm used to that. I am however very impressed by the children who manage to lose shoes... especially as we don't do the English thing (I hear about anyway) of changing in school for PE. And it's always just one shoe...never the pair!

I've worked in places before where they insist on a coat for everyone before they go out...I don't get it tbh. 'Elf an Safety gone mad! Send them to Dublin and they can run about with no coat as much as they like.

BelligerentGardenPixies · 30/10/2017 21:31

I think it can be very difficult for people who feel the cold to understand what it feels like to be hot blooded and how oppressive extra layers can be.

Neither me or my kids need a coat very often as we just overheat very quickly but I have had a decade of people chastising me for not bundling up my children. I always bring coats but leave it to them to decide if they want it on and oddly, they always manage to make the "right" decision.

Trafalgarxxx · 30/10/2017 21:35

The TBH is, if children are running around then fair enough.
But they are not always running around at all.
They might be walking down the street with you, not running at all...
Or they might have to wait at a bus stop for a while and stay still.

toomuchtooold · 30/10/2017 22:05

Oh don't. We live in south Germany where it is considerably warmer than my native Scotland and my kids get the hairy eyeball all the time for not wearing the mandated coat, scarf and gloves from October to March. DD1 in particular runs hot like me. People are slowly getting used to us - I think they question DD1's clothing choices at kindergarten slightly less since they've seen me for the last three years, cutting about in shorts in temperatures of 15 degrees...

Having said all that, DD2 has mild sensory processing issues and has only this year (5) started to notice when she's too hot or too cold. I've seen her get blue lips at the swimming pool and swear blind that she didn't feel cold, not at all...

TheHungryDonkey · 30/10/2017 22:18

My child’s gone on camp for a week. He’s been provided with a coat, hat and gloves as requested. I would be extremely surprised if he wears the coat. I almost forgot to put one in I can’t remember the last time he wore it. None of us our big coat wearers. Too hot and annoying.

ProseccoMamam · 30/10/2017 22:21

@Trafalgarxxx I have a 7yo and a 1yo

7yo hasn’t worn a coat since last winter, and he hardly wears his jacket either even when stood still

My 1yo will be sat in the pram tugging at his jacket and he will also be sat in a pram not walking

Some people just are too hot, they do not like to have layers of clothes on because it makes them uncomfortable and that’s okay. I’m not wrapping my kids up in coats and hats and scarves and gloves and blankets just because it makes another person feel ‘bad’. I couldnt give a shit what a stranger thinks of how many layers my kids have on. They don’t like to be warm, whereas I am always cold, so I cannot possibly be the judge on their coat choices when I’m in 3 layers and shivering and they’re stood outside sweating in a summer t-shirt and shorts.

lalalalyra · 30/10/2017 22:29

As the parent it’s my job to ensure they are taken care of, not to be their best friend.

See, I just don't get that attitude. Not insisting that my child wears a coat doensn't make their best friend.

Nor does it, despite some of the snooty looks and opinions of some people (mainly you Queen Bee of the school gate), make me a bad mother.

It means I've made a specific decision that fits the needs of my child/children rather than insisting they follow some social rule of etiquette on outerwear. Surely that is a parent's job?

Nanny0gg · 30/10/2017 22:50

From being about 3 they know if they are cold or not!

Not sure I agree with that. I don't think toddlers always know what is best for them.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 30/10/2017 22:50

I don't but they all have hoodies and body warmers which suffice when it's this odd not very cold weather.

DH is the 'other mum' though!

Pandoraslastchance · 30/10/2017 22:58

I'm a hot person and so are my 13yo and my 2yo and we happily wear long sleeved top,jumper and body warmers for most of the year but on the other hand my 4yo and their dad are cold people who put their thick winter coats on despite vest,long sleeve top,thick jumper as well as hat scarves etc.

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