To not get friend a wedding present?

[Whosamawotsits]

I am bridesmaid very soon for a close friend of mine, my Ds is page boy.

So far I have spent a fortune on the hen do, decorating my house, feeding 5 girls, drinks on a night out, paying for brides place on a spa day because maid of honor is useless forgot.

I have spent £90 on bridesmaid dress, £75 for suit hire for Ds for the day, £60 on shoes for the both of us, a bag and a shawl. £65 for a room for the night (venue is a fair distance away), I have refused to pay £100 to have hair and make up done by whoever is coming- I'll just do them myself, then I'm going to need money for drinks on the evening aswell.

Would I be unreasonable not to buy the happy couple a wedding gift or give money as requested in one of those cheesy wonderful poems in the invitation. I'm broke and the amount I could afford to give would be nothing less than an insult, but worried I'd be coming across as an awful friend if I got them nothing

expat you sound like my sister. I have told the MOH that the accomodation has blown my budget and so I can’t do the hen night (night! A single night!) in the desired location. We’ll wait to see what happens there, I know at least one other is expressing concerns about the cost. I have a rep of being a right Debbie-Downer IRL and I don’t want it to look like sour grapes when the other keen-bean BMs are happy to spunk money on someone else’s wedding like it’s going out of fashion and potentially drive a wedge in a 15yr + friendship.

I just don't get this. A mate of mine got married, hen do was £70 per person for entry to the venue, had to bring our own food and have posh outfits, bridesmaids were then asked to buy dresses and matching shoes, plus stay for 2 nights at the very expensive wedding venue. I dunno how people have the fucking cheek to ask this of people on minimum wage! I was seriously grateful to have people fork out for the hotel to stay at the night of our wedding!

'I have a rep of being a right Debbie-Downer IRL and I don’t want it to look like sour grapes when the other keen-bean BMs are happy to spunk money on someone else’s wedding like it’s going out of fashion and potentially drive a wedge in a 15yr + friendship.'

But you're not driving the wedge, she is! It's ripping the piss out of your friends to expect them to spunk that much money on your wedding, and if other mugs are happy to do it, more power to 'em. If you can afford it, that's one thing, but when you can't, and someone tries to order you into spending money on them, that's a shit thing to do. Seeing it that way puts a different spin on this.

I'm going to be doing my housework in this outfit for the rest of my life, it's beautiful- and rightly so for 90!! I would absolutely wear it again, only thing is (even shortened) it's too fancy for the local workmans club I manage to escape parenting get bladdered frequent.

Maybe a party for all of us scorned bridesmaids all wearing our unwanted buys

A lovely card with the message, "I really hope you enjoyed the spa day gift I got you. I hope you enjoyed this day with me and your other bridesmaids. It has been a wonderful wedding with you and your family. Thank you for letting me share in your special day"

I would be happy to receive this if I was the bride (especially as she has got away with paying zilch!) Btw it is customary for the wedding couple to buy the bridesmaids gifts so let's see what she gets you!

You can always pop out to the shops for a quick pre evening-do in your gorgeous dress if needs be! :)