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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rehoming dog- the welfare centre surely being U

55 replies

Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:30

This is my second AIbu of the day.... had a bit of thinking time.

I saw a dog, who was listed as being whole, he had a fear of loud noises, but quite young at 9 months.

Nothing I can't deal with, so happily I made enquiries into making him mine.

Home check done, all ok.

The information about him was very scarce.
We did hear that there was something about his ear- we gathered an ear infection and all would be ok by the time we collected him.

The day came to meet him, and we were told the dog was cryptorchid and that they would reimburse part of the costs of his operation. They couldn't confirm how much. And we needed a vet appointment for his ears.

Its ok, no problem.

when we're home his behaviour isn't what we expected (I worked for 18 months boarding dogs in our home, so I'm not exactly inexperienced with settling in dogs)
He's ripped up our kitchen floor, broke out of his crate, he's started to go to the toilet on DDs carpet when we go on the school run despite having access to outdoors (usually a walk) just before we leave.

There are a lot of problems. I speak with the place that he came from a few times.

First few times just as discussion about how he's settling in. I'm ashamed to say the 3rd time I spoke with them i was on the verge of telling them that he could no longer live here. I'm so ashamed at that.

They came back to me and told me that they didn't see it, but it was on their notes that he suffered with anxiety.

At that moment I felt like, actually I couldn't send him back there, he's not well, and they put him with us not explaining his issues, and all I could think of was, many people would have taken him not knowing and with the behaviour would have sent him back because they are unable to deal with this.

I feel like they let him down because this would have been just another home in the long list, therefore making his issues worse. He was 9 months, it's unclear whether this is his 3rd or 4th home.

He's now 10 months old, and we think he's finally getting some meat on his bones. We wanted to see the post they put up of him before we got him, to compare then and now, they've deleted every shred of information about him. The post, the pictures, as if he's never been one of theirs.

Am I expecting too much or have they failed him? I feel really upset about this.

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 30/10/2017 17:32

By "whole" you mean not castrated? If so, they're very unlikely to be a reputable welfare centre.

Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:36

Yes, not castrated. Sorry I think they termed him intact instead of whole!

He was only 9 months though... so I didn't know if they were holding off until he reached a year old or so.

OP posts:
teaandakitkat · 30/10/2017 17:36

You'd think he must have shown at least some of that behaviour at the rehoming centre, and they should have told you. I can't believe they had no real concerns about him, apart from a fear of loud noises.

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/10/2017 17:37

DailyMailReadersAreThick thank you for explaining that, I was trying to work out what it meant. Visions of flat packed dogs sprang to mind.

Op if he wasn't castrated as above, this probably wasn't the most reputable of homing centres.

Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:40

Teaandkitkay- this is my view. Even without reading the paperwork I'm sure they'd have known.

It just feels like there was no care in trying to ensure we were a good match.
for all they knew we wouldn't be able to deal with his anxiety and could have sent him back a week later, further traumatising him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:41

Stickthatinyourpipe-sorryBlush

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 30/10/2017 17:41

If you have had him for month , I wouldn’t expect to still find pictures of him / details , and if he’s had a disrupted life it’s perfectly reasonable that he is not house trained properly and if they had him in kennels not foster that’s hard to assess . Are they willing to take him back , if so I don’t see what else they could do , it’s very difficult if rescues use kennels not fosters to assess what a dog will be like in a home situation .

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/10/2017 17:43

Givemeallthechocolate No apology necessary, I have a sick sick mind so chuckled at the idea Grin

I hope everything calms down for you with your new puppy. You may find having him 'done' will level out his temper a little bit.

Booboostwo · 30/10/2017 17:43

The OP explains the dog was cryptorchid which means a proper operation to locate the testicle and remove it. That is regularly done a little bit later, partly in the hopes that the testicle will descend , and partly because it is a more serious OP.

The lack of information about this dog is terrible though. Well done OP for persevering with this dog, he's lucky to have found you.

HoneyBoo269 · 30/10/2017 17:44

I have a rescue dog, that had/has pretty serious behavioural problems due to her start in life. I think in regards to the rescue not fully disclosing his behaviour, sometimes this type of behaviour does not show until the dog is settled & feels 'secure' enough to display it. In our experience, our rescue was passed around so much from foster house to foster house, she didn't show the behaviour because she was more than likely frightened by continuous new surroundings. Now she's settled in a happy home, she knows she's not going to get beaten for doing something wrong, so is more likely to do something wrong if that makes sense. Obviously it might be completely different in your case but this is what we've experienced

I can sympathise with you though. We've had ours for 6 months, there's been times when I've been in tears because of her behaviour, it feels impossible to change at times & I have at times questioned why we got her. We spend hours and hours each week training her, god knows how much money on behaviourists, it's hard. All our family have said they don't know how we have got the patience & I know that the chances are if she got adopted by someone else, she would have been returned by now. This is why I'm not a huge advocates of you should always rescue not buy puppies, as it's damn hard work & sometimes impossible to predict what behavioural problems are going to come about. Sorry for the long message, but you'll get there with him, ours is improving every day & is a real sweetheart

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 30/10/2017 17:45

He was only 9 months though... so I didn't know if they were holding off until he reached a year old or so.

Nine months is plenty old enough, and no reputable centre would adopt out a dog or cat who hadn't been neutered. I think this is a place to avoid. Sad With your experience, do you think you can work with the dog to train him properly and ease his anxiety? You shouldn't have been put in this position but it sounds like if you give him back, there's a good chance they'll give him to someone less responsible than you.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 30/10/2017 17:46

Cross-posted with Booboostwo. I assumed the cryptorchid was to do with his ear from the OP, oops Grin

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/10/2017 17:47

Booboostwo ah apologies i didn't know what that meant.

Floralnomad · 30/10/2017 17:48

Actually 9 months if he’s a large dog is way too soon to have done him and with a nervous dog could make it worse , it’s even a bit too young for a small breed .

grannysmiff · 30/10/2017 17:51

Shelters are under huge amounts of pressure and sometimes behave dishonourably as a consequence. Lying, basically.

I wanted to get 2 cats. I got my first one who I chose and who is an absolute sweetheart, very docile and mild and submissive. She was being fostered with the actual shelter manager, so the manager knew her very well.

I agreed to shelter a second cat and if it worked out, afopt him/her. The shelter manager literally pulled up outside my house and dropped off a cage with my second cat in it. It was dark and i just saw these glowing eyes. The manager sped off saying "hes a sweetheart" and I brought this new cat in.

He was an absolute demon, ripping around the place, out of control, extremely dominant. He had been kicked out of 3 homes previously it later emerged, for having been overly aggressive with all the other foster homes' cats.

10 months later and it has worked out fine. I managed to get him under control, he grew up (was 9 months when he arrived) and weirdly enough he actually now works well with my own cat. They're lovely together actually. And yep, I ended up adopting him too! But it took months of him attacking her, attacking me, and basically a lot of very stressful work. But like you, I just didnt want to see him shuttled off yet again. I knew I wanted to try and fix the problem.

Alls well that ends well, but my point is the shelter gave me what they knew to be a big problem cat, despite the fact that they knew all too well I already had a very scaredy jumpy submissive cat.

Wow that was a ramble. In short YANBU - but what are you going to do?

Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:53

Floralnomad- they have the pictures up of all their other dogs. Upto 18 months ago, so why not him?
They will take him back, but they aren't having him. My ask is if it's unreasonable they didn't give me information that they had. They confirmed to me they had paperwork relating to the behaviours and anxiety in his last home.

I also think it was unreasonable of them to have not had that in mind when pairing him with a home.
I thought these places tried to pair dogs with their forever homes, not pair a dog with new owners not prepared for their new dogs behavioural issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:55

Stickthatinyourpipe- I'm terrible, I never explain myself very well! Thank you! With his new behaviourist (who is amazing!) he will be set in no time.

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 30/10/2017 17:56

I agree with Floral all the evidence says that we should wait to castrate dogs till they are at least 12 months old with two fully descended testicles.
Large breed cryptorchid I would give till at least 12 months particular if the dog is nervous. Nervous dogs in general the advice is try to avoid castrating them as removing their testosterone can make them more nervous.

Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 17:57

Booboostwo- thank you! That's it, a bit more information would have changed this whole situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 18:01

Honey boo- they had the information though which is my big problem. They knew and didn't tell us. Your poor baby will get there, just like ours will.

I'm really angry at the whole situation, the rehomers and all the feckless animal owners who pass dogs along like sweeties.

My dog has me feeling pretty helpless a lot recently because one behaviour gets worked through (past few days no accidents) but the poor boys scratching himself to pieces and the behaviourist thinks he has OCD.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 18:04

Dailymailreadersarethick- no way he's going anywhere else. We've got to work through this with him. Someone needs to do right by him. He is going to be so worth the work. He's a gorgeous thing. He gives the best cuddles and his temperament is the best I've seenSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 18:08

Floralnomad- that's good to read. I've been under pressure to have this operation for him as quickly as possible, I have however spoken with the behaviourist today about holding off and I'm awaiting a call from our vet about holding off too.... he was supposed to be having his op later this week, I've just felt that since finding out that his behaviours are anxiety induced, plus this scratching he's doing which is supposed to be related I don't really want to put him through this until he's calmer.
I will feel far less guilty. ThanksFlowers

OP posts:
HoneyBoo269 · 30/10/2017 18:09

Oh if they knew & didn't say then that is disgusting, all it'll cause is the dogs to be passed on even more & cause more behavioural problems. I get your frustration, I'm not even sure how you would go about an effective complaint that will change their whole system, as it seems they just don't care. Very frustrating

I understand your anger, when I see my dog in distress I get so so angry that it was humans & their mistreatment that has made her this way. Your poor boy, it's a long road, but he's lucky he's now got such a caring owner

Original poster
Givemeallthechocolate · 30/10/2017 18:13

Oh grannysmith! I'm really sorry to read that. I'm glad it's ended up well, but until you reach the point where it's good, it's really scary isn't it.
Trying to make it work, not knowing what's gonna get it next.
To be fair, I think I may have it slightly easier because my boy is actually very affectionate to the family- just overly so.

OP posts:
grannysmiff · 30/10/2017 18:16

You should be glad you have so much empathy and are prepared to work through it. Good on you!