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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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WHBU ? (Wheelchair vs. Buggy)

326 replies

DisabilityIsALifestyleChoice · 29/10/2017 17:36

(NC'd but old hand here)

DH tends to chat in various discussion groups, and yesterday, in a discussion about roads told someone to fuck off.

Here's the conversation which started around using buses and how everyone should do it to relieve road congestion,

DH:
And wheelchair users can wait all day, and still not get a bus if there are people refusing to move their baby buggies.

POSTER:
What are parents to do if they have a child in a buggy, some shopping
underneath, so it cannot be folded and cannot relinquish their position and get a later bus, because they have to be at school for a particular time to pick up their 5 year-old child?

DH:
That's choice, compared to the necessity to use a wheelchair.

POSTER:
It's not choice if you have to do the shopping so as to have an evening meal, have a young child that you have to bring with you and need to pick up the other child from school. The wheelchair user may well have much more choice, as many can walk short distances and chairs
can fold. In some cases, their journey may be purely frivolous, unlike the example parent.

It was at this point DH suggested the poster "Go f* themselves".

I should add that obviously DH is sensitive to wheelchair users (which is what I am) and tries to be polite where he can (as befits his age, and maturity). But he's fretting now whether he was too abrupt Hmm.

I wonder what the vipers of AIBU think ? (For the record, I am 100% on his side, here ...)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
GrumpyInsomniac · 29/10/2017 20:37

I don't have a chip on my shoulder. But what I do have is a lot of pain, physical conditions that can be appreciably worsened by being forced by a selfish buggy owner to wait for another bus, and dealing with people who see my need to exercise my right to my wheelchair space as primarily an inconvenience to themselves.

Why should I have to apologise for my existence, or for the fact that the only thing that permits me to get the bus is the wheelchair space? I thank people for vacating it, because there have been too many times when they haven't, or when I have received verbal and/or physical abuse for daring to suggest that I need it.

I will always try to find a way to fit in so a buggy owner can fit behind my chair, but when some entitled person with a tank that won't fold Huff's and moans and grumbles and calls me names in a stage whisper about how cripples don't need to get anywhere fast and they should stay at home instead of travelling at the times good parents need the space, I tend to lose my equanimity.

Every fucking day is hard. Every journey is a struggle. I am in constant pain, I can suffer a sudden drop in body temperature that could be dangerous, and if I sense an attack coming on then yes, I really need that space and to get home pronto, and I really don't need someone telling me I don't get to use my space, or trying to make me feel guilty about wanting so to do.

I am terribly sorry if my existence and that of others like me so inconveniences you, but it is our collective experience and years of campaigning that mean you even have a wheelchair space to use when a wheelchair user doesn't need it.

So no, I don't have a chip on my shoulder. I have pain. I'm tired. I'm unwell. And if you're being a dick about moving from the wheelchair space then you are the one with a problem, not me.

AnnabellaH · 29/10/2017 20:39

19lottie82 do you get out much? Hmm

Fuck off is generally an accepted turn of phrase these days even in general conversation.

As in "Oh please do fuck off..." Grin

AcademicOwl · 29/10/2017 20:42

Not wanting to get caught up in a row over some (very) challenging language...
...I have a genuine query. I do very occasionally take a bus with a buggy. I'd always make way for someone in more need than me, but I do generally need to sit down: I had severe spd and struggle to stand for long/walk any distance sometimes, compounded by dyspraxia and a strong possibility of falling over on a bus. It'd be funny if if I was a webble. Smile
So the only time I ever tried folding buggy with baby to make a space, he ended up on the floor (no one would hold him); I fell over; but we did just about manage to get to school for pick up!

What does happen to protect those of us with 'hidden disability'? Does anyone know?

Oswin · 29/10/2017 20:44

Wouldn't move if you didn't have to?! So much I want to say but what's the betting I'll be banned while you will be free to spout your vile shit all over.

AcademicOwl · 29/10/2017 20:46

grumpy Flowers
Not because you need them (you're warrior), but just because it's crap being in pain.
And everyone should be able to travel.

Misspollyhadadollie · 29/10/2017 20:51

Why would I move unless I had to? I have things I need to do aswell. I was on my way to a drs appointment (emergeny one) for my ill baby and had to get off for a wheelchair user. If I didn't have to that day then no I wouldn't have.

TammyswansonTwo · 29/10/2017 20:52

It's impossible to ask for help with an invisible disability in my experience, even before I was trying to wrangle double buggies on buses. People's automatic assumption is you're full of shit. I have so much anxiety about taking my twins on the bus between their buggy, my son's health issues and my own pain / fatigue. It's just a really stressful experience all round. And I don't liken my health issues to needing a wheelchair - not even slightly. Pushing a double buggy around, which is the same width as a standard wheelchair, makes you quickly realise how inaccessible things are in this country for wheelchair users, and one day my boys won't need it any more. I've always, always prioritised the needs of those who require a chair or walking aids, but now I do also have to be able to deal with my son's health issues and get him to appointments (about 5 times a month at the moment) and in for treatment. His illness is really serious and unpredictable, it's massively stressful at the best of times but weirdly enough the thought of battling with the bus is always one of the most stressful parts!

Gilead · 29/10/2017 20:54

Because there are other spaces available to you Misspolly. Because I, and a good many others fought for that ONE space. Because society should be equitable and fair which means those using wheelchairs have a fair chance of being able to use public transport. Which bit don't you get about the one space being the only option for a wheelchair user whilst you have other options available?

Why are you continuing this, you've already had your first post deleted and I suspect the others won't be far behind. Doesn't that tell you something about your posting?

Misspollyhadadollie · 29/10/2017 20:57

*This is from CAB

What if there is a pushchair or pram in the wheelchair space

Wheelchair users should be given priority over pushchair users. If there is a pushchair in the wheelchair space, when you try to board the bus, the driver should ask the pushchair user to move. However if the pushchair user refuses to move the driver can not force them to do so.

I am shocked that this is the case.*

^ why are you shocked by this? Do you expect the driver to physically remove someone?

Misspollyhadadollie · 29/10/2017 20:58

I already said I do get off. All I said was a polite acknowledgment wouldn't go amiss. I don't think that's an outrageous thing to say.

meltingmarshmallows · 29/10/2017 20:59

@Misspollyhadadollie obviously not but he could refuse to continue the journey. What do you think the driver would do if someone got on without paying?

Storminateapot · 29/10/2017 20:59

I'm a wheelchair user and was recently on a bus in Leeds city centre, whilst visiting for University open day for DD.

I had to sit in great pain on a seat with my DH with my chair folded up and shoved in front of us because 2 hard-faced cowbags were taking up the wheelchair space with their massive buggies. N

Gilead · 29/10/2017 21:00
Misspollyhadadollie · 29/10/2017 21:02

Well I don't think refusing to continue the journey is reasonable since a lot of people have paid to use the bus.

Storminateapot · 29/10/2017 21:02

They just stood there staring at me as if I was an alien while I sat uncomfortably right in front of them. They refused to move because 'they were there first'.

Didn't give us a great impression of Leeds I must say.

FlissMumsnet · 29/10/2017 21:10

Ahem........

Can we appeal for some calm and compassion (or peace and love)
We'll take either frankly Smile

Flowers
sashh · 29/10/2017 21:10

Err if someone gets of the bus for you it's polite to apologise!! Same way if someone got off their seat for you you would say thanks! Surely you wouldn't just sit down in it and glare at them. Sorry/thanks either will do.

No it isn't, you should not be in that space in the first place.

If you come home and a car is parked in your drive because they are visiting your neighbour do you appologise to them if they move their car?

No you would probably glare at them.

What if you went to he theatre and found someone in your seat?

Misspollyhadadollie · 29/10/2017 21:13

Yes actually I would say "sorry could you move your car please" because I have manners.

FreudianSlurp · 29/10/2017 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMags · 29/10/2017 21:17

If you want to be a doormat who apologises for no reason, that's your lookout. But other people aren't rude or horrible or anything else for not doing so.

19lottie82 · 29/10/2017 21:19

Annabella yeah I do get out much, why wouldn’t I? Confused

And “fuck off” is a usual and accepted turn of phrase????

Not where I come from it isn’t. Shock

Try saying that to your boss or someone on the street and let me know how they react!

Misspollyhadadollie · 29/10/2017 21:19

No the onus is on the wheel chair user to apologies I would only apologise if I wasn't moving from the space. Whilst the space is empty it is free to use so no apology needed. And giving someone. Dirty look is rude. Again it feels like just not being polite to 'make a point'.

19lottie82 · 29/10/2017 21:19

Isn’t!!!!! A usual phrase!

Goddamn iPhone and stupid fat fingers Blush

FreudianSlurp · 29/10/2017 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HouseholdWords · 29/10/2017 21:35

The other poster was making a valid point insofar as it's a widely held opinion and not wrong per se.

Yes it is wrong. And an invalid point. It's a wheelchair space.

OP your DH was NBU. Whatsoever. The other poster is an idiot.