I've been up all night, he knows why can't he get up

[CompletelyUnknown]

My sinuses have gone to hell. I’ve had a cold for 9 days and last night the sinus headache hit. I actually considered pulling my teeth out with pliers even though I know it’s my sinuses. I googled pressure point, Neti pots etc. If I could have driven somewhere to buy something I would have. I was coughing all night and blowing my nose all night. Don’t even get me started on the clocks changing. Anyway up rolls 6am and DD (13months) wakes and I’m already awake waiting for DH to rouse. When he does I explain I’m on deaths door (exaggeration I know) and haven’t slept. His immediate response is “I haven’t slept and I’ve a sore head”. I swear I went batshit crazy!!! I watched him sleep all night bHe never lets me be unwell without him telling me he’s not well also. I don’t think he even realises it.

On to the AIBU bit. DH does have MS and does suffer, not majorly and for that we are extremely lucky but there are times where it is bad. I make sure he eats, sleeps, takes medication and that DD and DSS give him piece. AIBU for just a little sympathy for a killer cold when he has an incurable disease? I’d take a patronising “there there” a lemsip, anything. He’s now up with DD but I had to guilt him a little. I’m now trying weird pressure points on my face. Argh

*The truth is that males generally do not give a shit when faced with a situation that calls for them to put someone other than themselves first.

Poor you, if your only experience of 'males' is that. Perhaps you need to raise your standards?*

This.

I wouldn't have married my husband if he was like that. Simples.

Pathetic to hear a barrage of "not all men" excuses. The truth is that males generally do not give a shit when faced with a situation that calls for them to put someone other than themselves first

Bollocks. ‘Not all men’ isn’t an excuse. It’s fact. DH does not behave like this when I’m ill. If he did, I’m not sure he’d have become my DH.
I’m sorry you have only met crap men.

I use a nasal spray called Otrivine for my sinus problems, it's a miracle worker!!! You can get it in most supermarkets and Boots.

I've got MS. I can still 'do it all by myself'. I have even during what I now know were relapses before I was diagnosed.

Another saying not all men. I'm currently tucked up in bed with porridge and a Lemsip when dh occupies the dc. I'm not even that Ill but have been up coughing.

Don't feel guilty rest.

"how can you possibly think this is true?".

Because that's my experience of a) my husband and b) the husbands/partners of nearly everyone I know- friends, relatives, work colleagues, clients (and I'm not a marriage counsellor).

If the types of men you know (lazydailymailjournos)populated the earth then maybe we wouldn't have a divorce rate of nearly 50%. (Most divorces I know are ppt by either an unhelpful husband or a philandering one......both of which are essentially selfish).

My DH had MS too and I take the brunt of the sleep deprivation.... except when I'm ill!

In terms of sinus pain ...I get this loads. You need to make a warm salt water solution and get yourself a syringe ..... finger closing one nostril ... And then squirt solution and let it drop down into mouth and spit!!! I once had sinusitis for 3 weeks and doing this daily helped and was the only thing is sorted it !!!
Good luck fellow sufferer!

Pathetic to hear a barrage of "not all men" excuses

Yes how pathetic to counter lazy gender stereotyping

The truth is that males generally do not give a shit when faced with a situation that calls for them to put someone other than themselves first

I'm sorry the males in your life are so useless - how are you sorting that?

OP - hope you get some relief soon

@TyrionLannistersShadow my DH isn’t terrible he just struggles sometimes. He hadn’t been ill himself at all until his dx. He most definitely doesn’t use it as an excuse. The problem is he doesn’t stop until he collapses. Everything else in the house is done by both of us together. We’re a team. I just feel he struggles to cope with the thought of me not being unwell.

On my way to boots now.

DD decided she wanted to join me in the steamy shower. Oh the joys.

@IceBearRocks I really try to take as much of the sleep deprivation as possible as he will power through unless I force him to rest. I think he refuses to accept his dx too.

But sinus pain is like no other. I just phoned my DDad to blame him for this blight. He got a hip replacement yesterday so I had a cheek. I did ask him how he was doing and offered to visit him. He doesn’t want me bring my lurgie to him though. 😞

I suffer from chronic sinusitis and for me the only thing that really works is to put Olbas oil in a diffuser by your bed and run it every night. I have one on a timer that runs for 3 hours. I'm not a fan of the Neti pot as the relief seems so temporary, and lastly, don't blow your nose, you should 'sniff' to try to clear your sinuses.

My dh is great in many ways but I always have to remind him to "do" sympathy when myself or the kids are ill.

The only thing that cleared my chronic sinusitis was a couple of courses of strong antibiotics. I feel your pain OP it is completely debilitating.

All men do not do this. That's a myth people with selfish DHs tell themselves to make themselves feel better. No you are not BU to expect a bit of sympathy and to have a rest. Hope you feel better soon.

Sinus pain is awful, had it for 6 weeks solid once before going to the doctors. Quick course of antibiotics and it was sorted. I'm never going to let it drag on like that again.

My DP cannot allow anyone in the house to be more ill that he is. I don't know why he behaves like it but it sends me mad. First night at home after a c-section he leaves me on the top floor with newborn DS all night as he 'had a cold' and didn't want to pass it on. Fair enough in some ways but it's not very nice trying to get up out of bed unaided after an op and I was a bit faint.

Apart from being competitively ill he is pretty good in all other ways!

If he hasn't already been to Boots, get him to pick up some of their own brand decongestant tablets as well. They're easily the best, far better than Sinutab.

Olbas oil can help a bit, but not if it's really congested. I got given a great tip some years ago: make an infusion by boiling up chopped fresh ginger in a pan of water for 20 mins or so, and add the infusion to your bath water, then have a good soak. Ginger is, apparently, a natural anti-viral and the steam helps it get right into the sinuses. It's also a rubefacient, so dilates all the tiny blood superficial blood vessels and makes you feel all warm. Very pleasant when you have a cold!

I feel your pain: I've had chronic sinus trouble for 30 years or more. I had sinus surgery in 2003, and it was a lot better for a few years, but then got bad again. It's surprisingly painful.

If the types of men you know (lazydailymailjournos)populated the earth then maybe we wouldn't have a divorce rate of nearly 50%. (Most divorces I know are ppt by either an unhelpful husband or a philandering one......both of which are essentially selfish).

Well we can only go by our own experience, can't we? I'm not trying to claim that every man on earth is a selfless beacon of humanity. But your post said that you felt that males were essentially selfish - which I have pointed out is impossible, because you are simply not in a position to speak for every bloke currently walking the earth!! It's lazy gender stereotyping.

FWIW Most of the divorces for people I know were caused fairly evenly between growing apart and infidelity. And in the cases of infidelity it was a fairly even split between men and woman as to who was the 'cheater'. Remember that "unfaithful husbands" need someone to have the affair with - and whilst I agree it's selfish, doesn't it take two to tango. So what does that make the OW? Hardly saintly behaviour from her, is it?

[whispers] rather more than one gin.
Perhaps not to be advised if you have a young dd to look after

@ferrier I’m a total lightweight more than 1 gin will floor me. I think I’ve only 1 measure left 😞

We have NeilMed sinus rinse and I’m waiting for the boiled water to cool. The pharmacist at boots said I took sinutab for too long. I took 1 almost full packet over 3 days. I don’t think that’s too long but she’s the pharmacist. I’ve to only take pain killers, the rinse and their charts lozenges which are pretty good. She also told me to see the Dr if it doesn’t clear in a couple days.

Ok I’m away to use the rinse.. wish me luck!!!

Oh and DH isn’t a saint but either am I. I’m sure he has plenty of reasonable gripes about me too. To err is human to forgive is divine.

I didn’t want to start a gender battle. There are male personality traits and female ones but that doesn’t define us down to gender of how we react to things. Have we been taught these behaviours through society. We should challenge these stereotypes instead of accepting them. Yes there may be a large proportion of men who can’t deal with their DW being ill, it doesn’t mean it can’t be challenged. I need to know he will look after me no matter what and he will. A big conversation happened as a result of today.

Anyway I’ll update on sinus rinse

Well that was weird but oddly satisfying. DH wanted a go too. I recommend it if even just for a laugh!!!

Oh OP, I feel your pain!
One thing I’ve found useful is to not blow my nose - I see you’ve been doing this a lot overnight.
Apparently it can drive the accumulated matter further (or sth) into the cavities and the action/vibration itself can set off an inflammatory reaction, which just makes the intense crushing-from-the-inside-please-just-kill-me-now pain even worse.

As I said: Snot funny .

Good to hear the sinus rinse helped a bit. At least, you can repeat as often as required if only for a laugh.

A swift kick course of anti-biotics may be what you need to shift the gunk.

OP, are you a city dweller? I find that a couple of days away in a place stashed full of fresh air & minimal traffic related pollutants offers packed sinuses an opportunity to drain. Universal Aunt recommends long weekend in St Ives 😉.

Haha if only. I live in a lovely quiet town outside Glasgow with plenty of fresh air. I’m strangely looking forward to my next rinse. Think DH will have a rinse too if not just for giggles. I’ll call the Doctor tomo in the hope of an appointment but you know what Mondays are like. Thanks for your help.

I have a couple of chronic illnesses but always make sure I look after my husband if he's unwell with a cold or whatever he has. Just because I'm sick all the time doesn't mean he doesn't suffer sometimes

How are you feeling today?