Me and ex broke up about a month ago because he wasn't ready for the commitment (convenient after nearly a year). Breakup was awful, drunk and aggressive etc. But we still said we loved each other and that he wanted to be in my life. So we tried. But every time we hang out, he always tells me he loves me, wants to cuddle, keeps telling me that he is sorry about what happened, texts or calls me daily, tells me he misses me - but that "it had to end". He keeps saying it's because he treated me so badly and he can't see me hurt anymore (bullshit).
So anyway yesterday he had a big presentation at work which I was always going to in the relationship. He texts me and asks me to go on Monday. I'm unsure but end up going in the end. It was alright, but i could see he was making and effort not to talk to me as much. Anyway he got really really drunk and thanked me for coming. Kept cuddling me. He nearly kissed me and so he text me to say he was leaving the pub and that he was sorry. He reappears 40 minutes later and said he came back because he wanted to see me. Said he's still in love with me, that he was sorry again, that I was most beautiful girl etc. But we weren't together anymore. It's was my last night in the flat we shared as I am moving out (memories too painful), so he suggested he stayed with me so it wasn't too sad. I said okay - spoke on the couch for about an hour and said memories of us were so good and that he had fucked it, tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. He told me no one was anything compared to me. Anyway we basically ended up having sex. This man is literally so confusing, he doesn't want a relationship but he constantly tells me he loves me. I know I am to blame for letting him stay but why would he do that after this amount of time ? I am really close to him and would hate to lose him from my life but I just don't know where i stand