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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want Ex to drive the DC this morning? Involves drunken injury.

65 replies

Endofmyfeckingrope · 28/10/2017 10:00

Ex is due to pick the kids up in an hour. He was at a party at a climbing lab last night and text me this morning to say he climbed somewhere he shouldn't (more like in a state he shouldn't) fell and broke his heel. Spent the night in A+E and has a pot on.

His car is parked outside my house. He still wants to come and take the DC and the car. His argument is that because his car is automatic it's fine. He sounded really hungover on the phone.

The poor DC will have a shit weekend of doing nothing as he is in pain, in a pot and has a hangover.

I've told him he can't take them in the car? Am I right? I'd rather they stayed with me but presume that's me being unreasonable Sad. Should I let him take them in a taxi/on the bus?

He has form for being a selfish, irresponsible wanker who takes for granted that I'll do the lion's share of the childcare, cover his weekends when he fancies a jolly etc so I'm not feeling remotely sympathetic at the moment.

Advice would really help.

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 28/10/2017 10:02

Yes you're right. Your kids won't be safe.

What a fucking twat. How horrible.

LolaTheDarkerdestroyer · 28/10/2017 10:04

Say he isn’t having them this week he is obviously in no fit state.

Rainyboooooo · 28/10/2017 10:05

They let drunk people climb???

But that aside, yes, just tell him no.

mummymeister · 28/10/2017 10:05

You have to set aside how cross you feel about this twat and think only of your kids - because he doesn't you have to I'm afraid.

he shouldn't be driving at all with a pot on his foot whether its and automatic or not. minimum 6 weeks. if you are feeling really mean towards him ring his car insurance company and tell them.

plus the alcohol will still be in his system so he is really doubly unsafe to drive.

what a total twat.

Original poster
Endofmyfeckingrope · 28/10/2017 10:07

He's asked if I'm seriously going to block his access and where is my empathy Hmm Angry.

I've replied that he isn't having them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Endofmyfeckingrope · 28/10/2017 10:07

I'm so angry.

OP posts:
WhooooAmI24601 · 28/10/2017 10:09

What? You're not blocking access, you're simply putting their safety needs first so tell him to piss off with his self-absorbed bullshit.

LB1982 · 28/10/2017 10:11

Yes he probably shouldn't drive but YWBVVVVVU to block his access, in my opinion.

MyNewBearTotoro · 28/10/2017 10:11

How often does he have them?

Can you say he can’t have them this weekend but let him have them on another weekend where he wouldn’t normally have them so that neither he or the kids are missing out on time?

mummymeister · 28/10/2017 10:11

tell him he cant drive for 6 weeks with a pot on. end of. so he cant drive anywhere with them.

stop engaging with him now.

"Can I have the kids"
"No"

that's the end of it. turn your phone off don't speak to him and don't reply to his text. he is winding you up and making you angry because he can/he wants to and you are allowing it by giving him access to you and by responding.

Forget about him now for the rest of the weekend and discuss it again when he has sobered up and you feel that YOU are ready to talk about it.

don't let him continue to piss you off even when you aren't together.

Ginmakesitallok · 28/10/2017 10:12

Which heel is it? If it's his left then it shouldn't affect him driving an automatic?

mummymeister · 28/10/2017 10:13

Sorry LB1982 but how is it unreasonable to stop your kids seeing someone who is still drunk and therefore not capable of looking after them?

he wants the rights, he has to step up and take the responsibility that goes with it.

mummymeister · 28/10/2017 10:14

Gin your insurer will tell you if they think you can still drive an automatic or your doctor. They will say he cant be in control of the vehicle - it will restrict him - and say he cant drive. have a look at your own policy and you will see it says the same thing.

Original poster
Endofmyfeckingrope · 28/10/2017 10:15

I'm not blocking his access to spite him. I'm putting the needs of my DC first. Am happy for him to have them as normal as soon as he isn't hungover/on strong painkillers etc and once I have proof from his insurer that he's fit to drive. Until then he can get taxis/the bus.

The most annoying thing is that we had been doing really well with sharing access etc lately and then he goes and does something like this. I could cry.

OP posts:
planetclom · 28/10/2017 10:18

Sorry but you can’t block his access you are using your feelings about him to colour your decision. what you can do is tell him to get a taxi otherwise you will report him to his insurance company and the police if he attempts to drive and you feel he is over the limit, get one of those breathalysers if you can.

All you are doing here is ensuring he never tells you if he has injured himself or been out the night before making it harder to protect your children.

If you children has a bad weekend so be it, it will help them realise what a twat he is. And obviously if you are unwell or incapacitated then the same will happen with you, they will have a bad week or weekend but that is life.

ShellyBoobs · 28/10/2017 10:21

What if it's his left leg? You don't need a left leg to drive an automatic.

How do you think amputees manage?

They don't usually need further adaptations to the car if it's their left leg which is missing.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 28/10/2017 10:22

It depends which leg it is as to if he can drive his car. You only use one leg for an automatic. Seeing as he spent the night in A&are and not drinking, I doubt he’s still drunk but he is probably very tired.

Original poster
Endofmyfeckingrope · 28/10/2017 10:23

I don't want to over-react planet. I admit I do get wound up by his behaviour. I just think the DC will be safer and happier here with me for today at least. He is adamant he's fine to drive because people with only one leg drive automatics all the time.

I don't know his insurer. Could I ring DVLA or anyone else for advice?

Just want the DC to be safe.

OP posts:
NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 28/10/2017 10:25

People can look after their children on painkillers OP, how do you think millions of people around the world manage? I think you are just looking for excuses.

sabbath84 · 28/10/2017 10:25

Yanbu to tell him to get a taxi/bus etc but yabvu to deny access.

LB1982 · 28/10/2017 10:26

Most kids adore their dad's and I hope these children love theirs too. I loved my dad whether we were out doing fun stuff or cuddling on the sofa watching cartoons.

Kids from separated parents feel pressured to say they had a rubbish time, even though they didn't. They worry about upsetting the other parent.

I think you're all mean calling him a twat just because he went out, had a drink and injured himself. It sounds like speculation.

BamburyFuriou3 · 28/10/2017 10:26

Just report him as soon as he sets off

43percentburnt · 28/10/2017 10:27

Report him for drink driving. Presumably he drove to your house. If it's legal to drive in a cast (presumably on pain killers) whilst still pissed from yesterday the police will set you straight. If it's illegal then it will potentially stop him killing an innocent pedestrian or motorist.

Original poster
Endofmyfeckingrope · 28/10/2017 10:28

No I'm not looking for excuses.

I had plans of my own for this weekend that I was looking forward to as it happens.

I just don't feel like it would be fulfilling my parental duty to hand over two children to be driven away in a car by a parent who is sleep deprived/hungover/has a freshly broken bone/is on strong medication. If anything happened to them I would never forgive myself.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 28/10/2017 10:29

If the pot is on his left leg then he will be fine to drive an automatic car. I guess you don't know if he is hungover/unfit to drive or if he is in pain. Only he would know that. Could you ask him to come back later for them?

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