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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a friend not to allow her dd to behave like a complete unruly spoilt brat in my house

93 replies

thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 15:46

Met someone a while ago who I really hit it off with. She has two children a baby and a 2.6 year old. Anyhow we met up at their house a while ago and 2.6 yr old wouldn't share toys was pretty mean to ds etc, but I thought maybe it was an off day. They came to ours today, first of all she played with all of ds toys but screamed if he touched a teddy she brought with her. She also gave ds a crafty smack a couple of times.
Her mum had the cheek to say oh you can tell she's used to the rough and tumble of nursery and your ds isn't. So I pointed out he's a fairly easy going, happy little chap and didn't feel the need to fight usually. Eventually he'd had enough and took a swipe back and she started screaming and pointing at ds. Must admit I said well I thoght she was used to the rough and tumble of life etc etc
On the way out her mum said we must do it again. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Am I being unreasonable to expect her mum to pick her up on her behaviour??
Don't think I'll be repeating the experience tbh.

OP posts:
Lact8 · 13/04/2007 16:46

Aw thirdwisemonkey, we do seem to have pounced on you don't we?

Don't cry, go give your boy a big cwtch and find some Easter egg

handlemecarefully · 13/04/2007 16:47

We've all done it Greensleeves!

Sorry you're upset Thethirdwise.... remember, there are very many postives in being an only child

robin3 · 13/04/2007 16:49

We face this situation quite a lot at the moment with a group of 3 year old boys. You can never tell which one of them is going to be the main offender on any given day and it only takes one of them to be tired, hunger or ill to end in an embarrassing tantrum.

My personal beef is the Mum that constantly threatens her DS with silly punishments....she's just hyper with him and he's learnt to ignore her completely. This ends up spiralling the whole thing and all the boys wade in then and winge and tell tales. Ignore it (within reason) and they soon stop and get on with playing.

3andnomore · 13/04/2007 16:49

Lact8...you welsh then, eh...

Blu · 13/04/2007 16:50

ttwm - look, it sound as if you have had a very hard afternoon, and were offloading. Trying to socialise with 2 year olds in the background is a constant strain.

I am a bit suspicu=ious of the nursery comment - she is either feeling a bit embarrassed about her dd and making excuses or is being a bit, I can't quite put my findger on it, but 'observational' about your ds. I would keep a watching brief on that, but otherwise, try again, but with expectations of chaos in the background.

You can hever her as YOUR friend you know, even if the children fight like mad!

FoghornLeghorn · 13/04/2007 16:51

Haven't read the whole thread but I can only sympathise with this other woman who is juggling a baby and a 2.6 year old. I am juggling a 4 months old and a 2.9 year old am finding alot of it very hard atm, and I would really hope no-one would judge me or my DD1 on 2 experiences.

All children are different, my DD2 is v. rough and tumbly, she doesn't go to nursery but has lots of cousins/friends around her all the time. She has days where she is an angel, shares lovely and is absolutely lovely to be around - she also has days where she is a little sod, I could quite easily walk out of the back door and just leave her for 5 minutes to scream the house down because she hasn't got her own way and generally extremely hard work.
CONSIDERABLY HARDER WITH A BABY TOO

Blu · 13/04/2007 16:51

And reaslly sorry to hear that an only child would not be your preference - must be bloody tough.

Manictigger · 13/04/2007 16:53

hoola girl - I completely agree with your technique.

I don't think you should get upset with all (or any) disputes and where poss children should be allowed to sort it out for themselves but I think that hitting, scratching, biting etc. should be addressed. But then my views have been coloured by a nephew who was allowed to get away with everything when younger and now at the age of 6 apparently still thinks it's acceptable to hit grandma (and even worse a SIL who neither stops him nor tells him off for it)

FoghornLeghorn · 13/04/2007 16:54

Sorry, should have read first. about DS being an only child

Philly · 13/04/2007 16:56

I do feel for you these situations are never easy but on the subject of sharing ,the poor little girl has already had to share her mummy with new baby and now with new friend,my ds2 was perfectly OK with just me but if I tried to establish any sort of conversation with another adult after ds3 was born he was a complete nightmare and all sharing skills awent out of the window for 6 months ..just a thought that sometimes these things have more to them than just staight forward behaviour issues

Lact8 · 13/04/2007 16:56

No, 3andnomore I'm English but I live in Wales now. My mum's Welsh and we were brought up with cwtch's Sooo much better than a plain old hug

Blu · 13/04/2007 16:58

could subsequent posters read the thread first please?

vimfuego · 13/04/2007 16:59

Another one of these threads where someone has another child in their house, child does normal childish bad behaviour things, person reaches all sorts of conclusions about the parent's lack of discipline etc.

Kitsilano · 13/04/2007 16:59

This thread could have been written by me 6 months ago. My duaghter was happy to share and beautifully mannered while spoilt screaming toddlers belonging to a couple of my friends wouldn't even let her play with a single toy. I smuggly congratulated myself on what a content, secure child she obviously was and how well I was teaching her to behave....

....then one day she woke up and starting being just as bad. It was as if a switch had been flicked and she simply couldn't share a single toy any more. Tantrums on the floor too. And impossible to rationalise with.

I must admit I feel more than slightly embarrassed.

So all I can say is...wait before you judge!

Lact8 · 13/04/2007 17:01

READ THE WHOLE THREAD!!

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 17:04

Ok thanks ladies and please do read the whole thread before commenting. however, I'm going to see if I can get rid of the thread as I'm not judging anyone. Also, it's taken a turn I didn't want it to and I'm incredibly upset now and it's thrown up a lot of stuff I simply didn't want to have to revisit.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 13/04/2007 17:06

Really sorry you're so upset

Am sure that was nobody's intention.

FoghornLeghorn · 13/04/2007 17:06

Can I just say, although I am extremely sorry for TTWM awful situation, it wouldn't change what I had posted - the basis of what i had written would still have been the same

3andnomore · 13/04/2007 17:12

oh right Lact8....I lived for 4 years in Chepstow,and got used to say cwtch there...sort of worked well for me, as kuscheln (german term for cuddle) is pronounced similar

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 17:12

foghorn - I appreciate your comments i just wanted a few different viewpoints, which is what you and many other have given, end of as far as I'm concerned. I did not however come on to be slagged off. As I've said I really don't want to revisit a lot of this stuff and it's v.distressing, thanks for your help and constructive comments

OP posts:
FoghornLeghorn · 13/04/2007 17:13

Fair do's TTWM. Sorry you have been so upset by this.

Greenleeves · 13/04/2007 19:22

I think slagged off is a bit strong , I didn't think I had done that. It certainly wasn't my intention at all.

Once again, I am genuinely sorry I upset you so much. I was horrified when I realised that I had. I won't be making the same remark on here again unless I know there aren't similar issues involved.

harpsichordcarrier · 13/04/2007 19:32

are you serious? flipping heck.
her two year old played like a, erm, two year old.
hold the front page

harpsichordcarrier · 13/04/2007 19:35

oops sorry didn't read the whole thread.
no doubt there are extenuating circs in the rest of the thread.
apols if I was flippant but in my defence (And anyone else who posted after reading it) that is a pretty jaw dropping op.

elasticbandstand · 13/04/2007 19:36

can i say something??

have read thread, almost, but ime as soon as you make friends with another adult and your children "play" together, it is fraught... they seem to have antennae to say, our parent are friends, let's make it difficult.
bit like fighting when you are on the telphone, the drama when you are on the loo.

phew