Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a friend not to allow her dd to behave like a complete unruly spoilt brat in my house

93 replies

thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 15:46

Met someone a while ago who I really hit it off with. She has two children a baby and a 2.6 year old. Anyhow we met up at their house a while ago and 2.6 yr old wouldn't share toys was pretty mean to ds etc, but I thought maybe it was an off day. They came to ours today, first of all she played with all of ds toys but screamed if he touched a teddy she brought with her. She also gave ds a crafty smack a couple of times.
Her mum had the cheek to say oh you can tell she's used to the rough and tumble of nursery and your ds isn't. So I pointed out he's a fairly easy going, happy little chap and didn't feel the need to fight usually. Eventually he'd had enough and took a swipe back and she started screaming and pointing at ds. Must admit I said well I thoght she was used to the rough and tumble of life etc etc
On the way out her mum said we must do it again. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Am I being unreasonable to expect her mum to pick her up on her behaviour??
Don't think I'll be repeating the experience tbh.

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 13/04/2007 16:00

Oh dear, just sounds like normal kids to be honest!

FlossALump · 13/04/2007 16:04

My DS dosen't push or slap as much as other children. But he will still do it. Some days he shares beautifully, others they are all his. If you like the mum then try to look past it as I have known much worse behaviour!

juuule · 13/04/2007 16:07

Agree it sounds like normal behaviour but I would expect the mother to have a word with her dd to point out that it's not nice to smack someone and not just shrug it off. She probably now thinks you are okay with it as you shrugged off her dd getting a swipe off your ds.

Greenleeves · 13/04/2007 16:07

Is your ds an only child?

Kaz33 · 13/04/2007 16:09

My DS2 can be a PITA, often when he is in an unusual situation and is getting no attention from ME, because I am nattering. But it really takes time for kids to settle which each other. Its very easy to point the finger and say my son doesn't behave like that, but he will and worse - just wait till he hits 4 .

If you like the mum, focus on that - arrange to meet up at a playground and have a picnic afterwards. Time for them to suss each other out and hopefully for you to have a natter.

custy · 13/04/2007 16:10

if you dont like it - dont do these dates - i dont understand it myself - the expectation that toddlers play nicely and have perfect social skills.

they are 2 fgs.

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:10

thought someone might ask if he's an only child - why do you ask?
I think what finally did it for me tbh was when she lay on the kitchen floor for 10 mins and screamed cos she didn't want to put her shoes on.

OP posts:
FlossALump · 13/04/2007 16:11

you won't want to be my friend either then.

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:11

You're right custy - I suppose I'm quick to say something if ds plays up, but everyone is different. Like you say if you're not happy why do it. Guess I won't bother again.

OP posts:
SpawnChorus · 13/04/2007 16:11

Oh gosh - I've been that mum on a couple of occasions. I bet she was actually quite embarrassed, and your (smug?) retort when her DD was upset probably didn't help.

It's difficult to know what to do sometimes when your child is misbehaving at a new friend's house. I've tried the 'constantly reprimanding' approach, and tbh is is extremely stressful when you're also trying to have a conversation with a new friend. I now mostly gloss over minor bad behaviour and hope that the friend will be understanding and gracious.

There but for the grace of God and all that, eh?

SpawnChorus · 13/04/2007 16:13

Oh, and it is particularly tense-making when you're also juggling a baby!

How old is your DS?

PinkTulips · 13/04/2007 16:13

sounds like a normal 2 year old tbh... how old is your ds?

juuule · 13/04/2007 16:14

"she lay on the kitchen floor for 10 mins and screamed cos she didn't want to put her shoes on."

Yep, perfectly normal. Your turn will come

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:14

I didn't mean to be smug but tbh she actually said to me first oh your ds isn't used to rough and tumble cos he doesn't go to nursery (think meaning her dd is - isn't that pretty smug?) It's not fair to let her dd batter ds and then expect me to apologise when he finally retaliated.

OP posts:
Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:14

He's 23 months

OP posts:
Blu · 13/04/2007 16:14

Every gathering of 2.6 year-olds I went to included a few good old barneys over disputed property or custody of toys, and generally some violence between them. Some learn co-operative social skills much much earlier than others, some have more easy going personalities than others. DS, like yours, learned to take turns at an early age and was easy going. One of his best friends was tumultously territorial about everything until she was nearly 5 - but her Mum and I stayed v good friends, and DS counts her as one of his best freinds, too.

Don't take it personally, and don't judge all children for ever by a particluar developmental stage.

PinkTulips · 13/04/2007 16:15

pmsl..... talk to you in 3 months and see how you feel about tantruming toddlers them TTWM

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:15

tell me about it spawnchorus we have our moments, usually in the middle of supermarkets for maximum effect

OP posts:
donnie · 13/04/2007 16:16

yes, pretty normal - plus the constant biting, in my dd1's case!! oh lovely stuff!

Blu · 13/04/2007 16:16

But did she expect you to apologise when your ds swiped back? That wasn't clear in the OP - or sorry if i missed it.

MerryMarigold · 13/04/2007 16:18

i think juule had a good point about shrugging off his behaviour. if you find hitting unacceptable then you should have said something to him and done a whole 'sorry' etc. scenario. maybe this mum would have realised that you take it seriously. you either find something acceptable or you don't. you can't find acceptable just because your child does it, whether it is provoked or not.

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:18

juule - we already have the tantrums, been having them since oooh about a year maybe , time to put your coat on, time for dinner, eat your peas, blah blah blah - TANTRUM!!! My son can tantrum for England when he wants to. I think it's the fighting and not sharing I'm not used to but I thought you'd give me another persepctive on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:19

I did apologise when ds had a pop, yes.

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 13/04/2007 16:21

Unfortunately this really is how kids behave, especially at this age.
My DS is an only child and its all a bit of a suprise to me as well.
I do tell him off when he hits other kids though, not that it stops him.
They ain't called the terrible twos for nothing

Original poster
thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 16:22

Tell me about it hoolagirl no one tells you though that it starts a long long time before they're two - the buggers

OP posts: