I'm going to put this in bullet form. It's easier. This is a moan. I'd like to find positives if I possibly can through power of thought not at bottom of gin glass.
DISCLAIMER: many of these problems are 'first world'. It will probably come across as a self pitying rant. Sorry. Am frustrated and would like to vent...
. I am 31. Nearly 32. I would dearly love to have a baby, get married, have a house (two up two down in a shite area is ok- am in no position to be fussy. Up until a month ago I rented a poky but bohemian shabby flat in a lovely area of London that'd had been my home for five years. Because my partner and I would like all the above stuff and I am fairly time-conscious with regards to my reproductive system, we have moved to Essex and in with his Dad to save money for a deposit, hopefully, though of course no gaurentee on that as we would literally have to save at least £30,000 to get a mortgage (on a two bed in zone 5) and fuck only knows how long that's going to take. Both our jobs are frustratingly 'london' jobs or i'd suggest getting the fuck out of here so we can crack on, even though I love it.
. Our letting agent who was always a total bellend is withholding £650 of our £1500 deposit for the repaintin of a shit paint job anyway on a tiny wall and changing two lightbulbs that never worked. He's refusing to use the deposit protection argument process so we'll have to do small claims. Yes we will win but what a ball ache.
.My lovely grandma died two weeks ago and I still can't think of her without wanting to sob, it was sudden and I loved her and she always stood up for me when my mum was horrible, which was often, and filled the praise/compliment/encouragement gaps that I lacked from my parents. I'm speaking at her funeral next week and I want to do it but am terrified, and my mother will obviously be there and we've been NC for months because, she is fucking horrible. And even at my grandma's funeral, she will probably try and make me feel horrible.
. I got a new job for a lot more money than I was on before in a fairly accessible location from where I now live but I'm rubbish at it. I try and try but for every thing I do really well I seem to get about three things horribly wrong, and I get told off, and it makes me feel shit, and I feel bad they are paying me so much.
.I successfully recovered from anorexia at 24 and I never thought it would darken my door again (despite what they tell you but I was cocky) but now I'm thinking being thin is the only thing I've ever been good at 
.My Dad frequently texts about his latest property/holiday/investment/car/extension and yes I KNOW he shouldn't have to give us anything and I'd never ever ask but he sees us struggling to afford even a fraction of what he has. And yes he was in our position once but was able to pay a tiny deposit for a family house on an average wage and he got to start a family. I would never ask but he has funded both my brother's football season tickets for the last decade and I haven't had a penny because I 'don't like football'.
Christ. I apologise for sounding so bloody self indulgent. I just remember the easy breezy twenties and the reckless abandon and thinking shit would never get real...