Left alone with two childrens whilst DH is visiting his mother with HIS DCs..

[Vanessatiger]

Background: his mother is ailing, she lives in another country. His teenage DCs lives in the UK, whilst we live abroad.
DH missed seeing his DCs because of work, he

I seriously think all of the posters goading the op who herself has said she feels suicidal need to take a hard look at themselves! Op has written some of her problems down on here you dont know her and you dont know all about her life from a few paragraphs on the internet, I find it disgusting after someone confessing they feel suicidal for a load of posters to be picking at her. You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Oh boy... it sounds to me as the relationship is over and you’re just gathering your strength to leave. I’m sure you can get vack to work if you go back home ( where you’ll probably feel settled a lot more straight away.)
But your children have a father and you can’t just take them away from him, you’ll probably need a solicitor.

My £ says she's claiming to be suicidal to get sympathy. There was zero mention on that earlier. I'd be sympathetic if I thought it was true but the way she's talked about everyone sounds hostile and full of contempt & this sounds like a ploy to try and gain some sympathy. Her DH is making the effort to see his other DC despite his ex making it difficult, and the effort to see his DM who is obviously not well & who he knows can't stand OP (and vice versa). Why would he want to take OP along given the hostility? If he didn't see his other kids people would be saying he was a crap father.

Hi OP, you are getting plenty of mean and unhelpful replies here! It's no ones business if you work or not!

I think you need to find the strength to leave him. He doesn't care about you and he clearly doesn't care about the children you have with him.

Would it be easy for you to go back to your country?
Do you have any family back home that could help you?

You don't need a man and that should be the last thing on your mind. Make sure you leave him, go back home and focus on yourself and your children.

Best of luck to you and your children

Its funny how you are leaving out parts of ops story nike, Because the story isnt as simple as that is it. HIS MOTHER LEAVES OUT THE CHILDREN HE HAS WITH HER NOT WANTING THEM TO COME. HER HUSBAND ALSO SOUNDS LIKE A NARC.
Also you are not a detective, Just because op didnt write stuff down in a certain order of how you want her to explain things doesnt make it not true! If someone confesses on the internet they are suicidal you do not try and goad them you were out of order along with your minions.

Op, You are better being single than being with someone who sucks the life out of you. Get some help on board family or friends and tell them how you feel, You need people to lift you up in real life as you clearly dont have much fight left in you after being married to your husband.

You can do it, Tomorrow get the ball rolling.

OP I think a lot of your problems wouldn't seem as big if you were in a position to feel as though you were standing on your own feet. It is the worst feeling to be dependent on someone, and you can really feel like your relationship is doomed forever when in reality it might only be for your children's youngest years. Is there a way you can plan to return somewhere where you can work, even if it is some time in the future when your children are at school?

About your OH, his attitude's not great, but to some extent I think you must have known what he would be like from your years with him without children. Some men are only going to make very slow steps. About your MIL I think you need to grit your teeth, withdraw from all discussion in a dignified way and just wait it out.

So your husband is a total dick to you, doesn't look after yours/his children, treats everyone like crap...but you're still beleiving and repeating to others his lines about his ex? She's bitter and unreasonable is she? You realise that is what he'll be telling the next one about you I hope.

Take a look at how he treats his first family, OP, because he'll be treating you even worse as soon as you split. Which you will.

Hi all,

Just a reminder of our Talk Guidelines, folks. If there's anything we could all do with, it's some more support. We've removed a few posts that we felt weren't in the spirit - and we don't want to have to pull the thread.

Thanks

He has never and never will look after the children alone while I go on holiday

So how come you booked a child-free holiday away with your friend that he had no problem with?
You would still have been going on that holiday with your friend if step-dc plans hadn't been changed.

You've spent at least 8 years with this person and judge him to be selfish, abusive and controlling - yet you decided to have TWO dc with him - a 2 yr old and a 6 month old!

Who’s never let me sleep in during the weekend, who never woken once for a night feed
So why did you choose to have another child with him?

There comes a point where we have to stop the pity-me-party and take personal responsibility for our own lives.
My feeling is that you are attracted to his money and the lifestyle it affords you, and have actually been rather manipulative in ensuring you still have some claim on his money via the dc.

YOU are in control of your life OP - not anybody else.
You're in the position you are today - no job/career/financial independence and an un-supportive partner because of the choices YOU made and are STILL making.

I suggest you seek professional therapy/help for the mental health issues that are obviously playing a part in your decision-making/cognitive abilities.
EMPOWER your self so that you are able to make the right/best decisions for you and your dc.