Left alone with two childrens whilst DH is visiting his mother with HIS DCs..

[Vanessatiger]

Background: his mother is ailing, she lives in another country. His teenage DCs lives in the UK, whilst we live abroad.
DH missed seeing his DCs because of work, he

It would help to know where you are. If he wants to stay there and you don't and the country is signed up to The Hague Convention, you'll struggle. Ditto if it's the Middle East where men's rights carry more weight.

There are countries who forbid spouses (women) to work you know

It's a VISA thing. Just because a country grants a work VISA to one person, it doesn't necessary mean that their spouse can also legally work.

The US goes back and forth. It isn't because of keeping women from working. It is because of how many immigrants want to come, attitude toward immigration, etc.

Don’t worry he wouldn’t fight over the children. It’s too much work for him. He would fight over money. He wouldn’t try to make me stay either if I didn’t want to. We had a rough patch some years ago, I left for a while while he still paid for my upkeep. Stupidly I went back coz I loved him then.

I have everything I need to get out but somehow I don’t manage to. I feel so foolish. And suicidal because I feel stuck. What if noone would ever want me again?

It's a VISA thing. Just because a country grants a work VISA to one person, it doesn't necessary mean that their spouse can also legally work

But she's since said she only just moved there, so it doesn't answer why she hasn't worked in 8 years?

OP, I started off feeling little sympathy for you. I felt you were being unreasonable. But the more you post, the more apparent it is that you are feeling helpless and isolated. Do you have friends you can trust? Your own family who can support you?
It sounds very tough for you. But with help and support, you can create a happier future for yourself.

You feel suicidal because you fear that you won't be able to get another man?

We have moved around in countries not so friendly with women working outside of the home unless you are a doctor.

I feel isolated yes. He’s very critical of me, of what I do and don’t do. Always complaining about the house not clean enough or orderly enough (the housekeeper cleans but it’s my fault as I didn’t tell her to put things in a certain way or inspect it good enough)

I'd be really upset that you were not included in the holiday bit and that the exclusion from the time with the MiL wasn't an agreed thing. Obviously your DH needs to see his family and it's very tricky if you don't all get along but just seems so short sighted of your DH not to try and include all this children and encourage them to bond and form relationships.

So nice of you to kick someone when they are down

You won't be at home alone, the housekeeper will be company

I don’t see it as company. I can hardly communicate with her. But I guess yes if you see it that way.

Wow your dh lets your mother treat your children like that? Why are you with him??

Lottie, I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over. Apparently I’m the selfish one according to some poster above

I dont think you are selfish, the holiday is the least of your worries he lets his mother treat your kids terribly actively excluding them, I would leave if I were you, Pack all your stuff and dont be there for when he gets back.

I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over

he still paid for my upkeep

I didn’t say I dislike his children, I don’t. I just don’t want to take care of them full time. They are not my children. They are welcome here just as I welcome my nieces and nephews but I don’t want to take care of them either. We have fun together when we do meet.
That’s why I asked to go as well.

Do you have enough money to go back to where you are from? Do u have family who can help you?

Lottie, and then what? Still let him see the children?

Mumof56, I’m not in it for the money. Fyi. I’ve made great sacrifices to be with him. I left my job, my family and friends. And now my sanity.

Just get out of there, It isnt any kind of family you have with him at all if he can let his mum treat your kids so poorly, Its disgusting!
Just get away from him and sort contact out later.
Your kids deserve better

Lottie, yes I do. But emotionally I’m unable to. So if I really needed to I could get out and still doing ok. But I don’t know why I can’t. I’m ashamed to say but I’m a willing victim.

Still let him see the children?

Seriously? You would consider taking the children away and not letting him see them? Wow.

No I’m down because it’s happened so many times. And he’s a critical husband who has no sympathy for me. Who’s never let me sleep in during the weekend, who never woken once for a night feed. Who’s never taken my “thing” into consideration. It’s all about him and his whatever. Not because of ONLY this particular fight.

Coyote. Yes I would if I left him because of how he treat the children appallingly. Then he doesn’t deserve to see them.