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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband's painting

106 replies

restofthetimes · 26/10/2017 12:30

DH has been saying we can't afford to re-do our front garden for 9 years now. It has been tricky to get quotes in from reliable people, and its a massive space - about 1/2 acre. Its quite a wilderness and I want to basically pull it all up and grass it, and also re-cover the drive, which is quite long.
Well, he has quite a lot of assets eg wine, and today I found out that a small nude oil painting we have in our bedroom is by a rather famous artist (Bernard Dunstan) and worth around £10k.
This would probably pay for the front garden.
AIBU to get him to sell it? He's saying no way, as he is in love with the painting and he looks at it every day. I like it, but thinking about that money........ we could easily put up with a print or unknown artist instead.

OP posts:

AnnabellaH · 26/10/2017 13:36

Wine IS an asset are some people that ignorant they don't understand the cost and increasing value of certain wines? There's a reason some bottles go for hundreds and thousands.

Op get him to sell it. The selfish arse.

Namechangetempissue · 26/10/2017 13:36

www.frw.co.uk/

For those scoffing at wine being an asset . Of course it can be!

I wouldn't sell a painting I loved to do up a garden. I would only sell if it was essential like losing a home or similar.
Save up and do the garden.

pinkyredrose · 26/10/2017 13:38

Why would it take you years to save up aa a SAHM? Don't you share finances?

Tbh I'd much rather look at a wilderness than a field, much more interesting.

scroogem · 26/10/2017 13:47

Do the garden yourself. If it's hard work, reward yourself by drinking the wine.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/10/2017 13:48

In 9 years you could have put aside a fair chunk of money to tackle the garden with, assuming you're not on the breadline. I'm puzzled as to why you think you have to save for it on your own? Don't you share finances and discuss financial decisions together?

krustykittens · 26/10/2017 13:52

I have to confess, I also like wildernesses. But honestly OP, hire machinery and get stuck in, you might find it fun. Winter is the perfect time to be clearing it. I know you want it done quickly but have a bit of patience, do it yourself with your OH and in a year it will be lovely. We live rurally on land that has been neglected, including some rather lovely dry stone walls that are in a state. I was quoted £270 a metre for restoration work. I have instead signed up for a two day course at the local college for £170 and will be doing the work myself, one day a week, for the next two years (generous estimate). We've got a lot to do around here and little money to do it with, so we have to do it ourselves. And I like saving the money - we can buy more art with it! Keep the painting, it's handy dosh for a real emergency, you never know when you will need it.

Karatekittens - yep, I get it, she prefers a garden to the painting but she asked if she was AIBU asking her husband to sell a dearly loved personal possession for something she considered a priority and I was giving my opinion. No need to talk to me like I am stupid because you don't agree.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 26/10/2017 13:53

Could you put up photos of the front garden? We could make suggestions.

I'm sure you could do it yourselves. It's hard work but so satisfying!

SlightlyJaded · 26/10/2017 13:54

YANBU to want to put the garden right.
YABU to ask him to sell something that is cherished just because the value of the sale is about what you need.
YANBU to discuss selling the wine
YANBU to discuss other ways in which he and you can contribute towards the garden with a bit of effort from both of you as well.

krustykittens · 26/10/2017 13:56

Also, get advice from a really good gardener! Ours was a wilderness and I had to breathe into a paper bag every time I looked at it but I took some video for a friend of mine who is very green fingered and knows plants and she has given me loads of free advice. We have a plan now for next spring for a low maintenance garden and I am feeling a lot better about it. It's overwhelming when you don't know where to start!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 26/10/2017 13:58

Meant to add, we had a whole massive area of bamboo, when we moved here. It took 2 weeks of DH and I cutting it down, moving it and then burning it. We then had to spray each individual stem (there were hundreds) with weed killer, and repeat that twice. It took hours but and would have cost thousands to get someone to do it, but we decided we needed the exercise.
You can do it!

ShoesHaveSouls · 26/10/2017 14:01

I'd keep the painting. I might ask him to sell the wine. Are the painting and the wine the only choices? Do you not have any money anywhere else?

I would want the garden/driveway done and I'm v jealous you have half acre of it Mind you, rhodedendrons, holly etc sound lovely. Maybe you could compromise and just have the driveway resurfaced, and a gardener in for longer each week to keep control of it.

FunderAnna · 26/10/2017 14:02

A recent Bernard Dunston nude sold at Bonhams for £5,400 - most work by him has gone for considerably less. If there painting is a particularly good or rare example of his work, it's conceivably you get more but it's by no means a cert. Obviously, the auctioneers take their cut as well.

It seems to be that you're being rather enthusiastic and optimistic about selling something that isn't really yours to sell.

sirfredfredgeorge · 26/10/2017 14:03

NinonDeLenclos "Can people please stop with the scanning bollocks. It's absurd"

A million office parties would disagree

Primaryteach87 · 26/10/2017 14:07

Wine is an asset and investors make money from it...not the point of the thread but..

whiskyowl · 26/10/2017 14:19

You can do a lot in a garden yourself - if you want this done so much, why not grab a spade and get out there yourself? You can do something simple and low-maintenance really quite cheaply - you certainly don't need 10 grand.

SilverSpot · 26/10/2017 14:21

I'd sell the painting to fix the roof or to pay the mortgage, not to do the garden. he likes the painting!

Ttbb · 26/10/2017 14:23

YABU. You might as well ask him to take money out of his pension. Paintings (small movable ones in particular) are fantastic investments. Not only are they exempt from capital gains tax, they can also be easily taken with you as you flee a corbyn government

MothQuandary · 26/10/2017 14:25

I don’t know how she did it, but my friend has sold a lot of very valuable oil paintings —to fund her extravagant lifestyle— and had them replaced with near-perfect copies. You can just about tell if you look very closely, they are like a print laid over a slightly lumpy canvas background, to give the impression of genuine brushstrokes, but I would never have guessed if she hadn’t told me. It’s very clever.

Still, I don’t think your husband should sell his painting so that you can do up the garden. Instead, you should drink his expensive wine, so you forget about the garden. If he’s not planning to drink it or sell it, he won’t ever know.

DeadDeadDeadRose · 26/10/2017 14:27

Bernard Dunstan died literally 2 months ago. Hang on to the painting, its value might shoot up.

Slimthistime · 26/10/2017 14:37

You can't ask him to give up a painting he loves. I don't think I'll ever make enough to buy a painting but I've got £5 prints that I wouldn't part with ! I mean obviously if there was a fire I could buy them again...

but my point is, a painting is incredibly important, it could really get into your heart and he bought it with his own money and it really matters to him.

What would you sell?

YawningHippo · 26/10/2017 14:41

Would it be worth putting a shout out on FB for someone to help you plan how to do it/what to prioritise/put what where so you know exactly what you're after and they may even help you if it's something they do for pleasure.

Just a suggestion as a friend of mine had a large garden which needed bits doing and she found a retired chap who helped her and he has the end bit of her garden that she lets him use as a little allotment which saves her needing to deal with it. ( not suggesting you do that bit, but you'd be amazed how many people would have skill with this stuff and a little time to spare)

Failing that maybe someone in training already who would like the experience/challenge. Plenty of ways to keep costs down.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/10/2017 14:54

Things to arrange
So that's a digger, chickens, goats and...

blueshoes · 26/10/2017 14:56

Just googled Bernard Dunstan.

YABU

Oblomov17 · 26/10/2017 15:03

YABU
Why haven’t you Put some aside each month? if you have wanted it done for years?

or start now- put some aside each month. have it done, in stages, as soon as you have enough to do one part.

steff13 · 26/10/2017 15:20

My front yard is .72 acres. It's really not that big. Are you sure about the cost?

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