Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, bitter and being ridiculous.

[Mascarawandlady]

I'll try to keep it brief, I got married last year. We were really pleased to learn that a few weeks before our day that Dh's best man and partner had become engaged.

They mentioned to us about using the same venue. We told them to go for it and a week before our wedding they booked it for the following year. I appreciate we don't own the venue therefore it's free to anybody else to use.

They've booked the same photographer as us. Again I appreciate anyone can use him.

I'm then asked about the makeup lady I used, in the hope she can be booked to.

These are just a few examples won't mention shoes, suits or food

What's annoyed me the most though, is comments that were made on our day just after we had walked out of the ceremony like 'oh this time next year, we'll all be back doing it again'. Is it too much to ask to have one day?
I've also learnt Dh's best man asked another guest at our wedding (a friend) to be his best man whilst still at our wedding. (Dh is also best man, Groom is having 2 best men).

I'd like to just make it clear I wasn't a bridezilla, I was a very relaxed bride to be, it was a small wedding, no frills and it is very much about the marriage and not the wedding for us. We didn't make it all about us, and didn't want a fussy day just special. Having said that, I don't know why I feel so bitter regarding all of this. I think they acted disrespectfully and felt they used the day as an opportunity to suss out the running of their day.
I asked to see her engagement ring, offered my congratulations and we chatted about their wedding. I don't think we even got a congratulations for just getting married.

Anyway the wedding is approaching and I'm even more bitter about it than ever.
I wouldn't say anything as that would cause trouble within the family (Dh's best man also a relation). I'm not really one for confrontation and bite my tongue a lot. A lot of guests will be the same as ours as it's a family wedding so I wouldn't want to rock the boat.

Additionally, the date of the wedding would have been my due date of our first baby, which sadly at the 12 week scan we discovered the pregnancy wasn't to be. This is obviously adding to my emotions.

Do I just need a shake or would anyone else feel the same? Or anyone else care to share their 'I'm bitter about' stories?

I was a bit taken aback that friends of ours used our reading at their wedding (it was a very unusual reading and our wedding was special to them so it was intentional and they did mention that), but can see how it was a compliment and had a new special meaning to them. If more elements had been the same I think it would have got to me. Especially with the loss of your baby (which I am so sorry about) you are understandably feeling emotional.

I think things will settle for you a bit and it will feel less annoying when it actually happens and is inevitably very different as well as having inspiration from yours.

My husband and I like to spend weddings silently comparing them with our far superior one (lighthearted!) so maybe you can do this in your head on the day to make you feel better if need be?

YANBU.

Many others have said they’d never be upset - but I think MNers seem to have a much higher threshold for being annoyed by little things than normal people.

The copying is fine - whatever. Walking around on your wedding day continually talking about how things will be during their wedding, that’s quite irksome. Just let us have one day to enjoy a mini spotlight from our friends and family.

But, deep breath, let it go. As you can see even from this thread, vocalising some upsets can just make you sound petty even if it isn’t actually petty. And think of their wedding day as a lovely way to reminisce about yours with your DH and your close family. You don’t have to do it aloud - it’s not about paying them back or anything, but you can absorb in the details, remember how you felt that day, and enjoy it!

Sorry about your loss

YANBU - does it feel a bit like they’ve used your wedding as a template wedding. Sort of editing you out of it and saying ‘this time in a year it will be the same but about us’ without really acknowledging that actually right now it’s about you? I do get it OP, I think it is tactless. Some people di

Whoops - some people do always think that whatever is going on with them right now trumps everyone else’s news, and it sounds as if they’ve been a bit like that.

I’m sorry about the baby.

I haven't had the opportunity to read everybodies responses yet as I'm supposed to be working. They seemed to be mixed so will take all on board.
Some of the comments have made me a bit teary and actually ring true- I think I'm trying to detract from my due date by putting my emotions onto something else.
Dh does see how I feel but is far more relaxed than me. I'm a massive over thinker at the best of times. He also says once it's all over, i won't give it a second thought.
I'm going to go along and try and enjoy it from a guests perspective as it's hard to do so when you are the ones getting married.
I'm also going to think of it as a compliment.
Thanks for all of your comments.

These people do sound a bit annoying and very self-centred. I think I'd be ill on the day of the wedding and not go if I felt like you. Why go and cause yourself angst. Even if you are being oversensitive you are entitled to be under the circumstances.

Cross post. Hope everything goes well. Do what feels best for you.

I think your due date being the same day as the wedding is massive, really. Your inclination will probably be to be quiet, grieve and reflect, and you're being asked to celebrate and party. My suggestion is to take really, really good care of yourself, and if that means taking a less up front role in this wedding than you might have done, so be it.

ladygrey the couple I'm talking about also don't live in the local area (although one half of the couple was originally from the local area)
I'm glad you enjoyed the wedding the wedding. I hope I do to.
'wear your wedding dress' sadly I don't think it would fit me now. I've enjoyed most of the last year a bit too much.
At least they won't be cornering our poor photographer and asking about his availability while he is taking some group shots, as this time they will be in front of the camera

vivenne I would love to not go. (As you can probably guess) But I can't let somebody down who has planned for me to be there and has paid for me to be there.
I also want to go for Dh.
You've all made me feel a lot better though and I must admit I was a little scared posting in Aibu for the first time

From your post, Mascara

"I'm going to go along and try and enjoy it from a guests perspective as it's hard to do so when you are the ones getting married.

I mean this kindly but they are the ones getting married, not you. You're already married.

I would have been annoyed at the time of my wedding, but not 1y later when they have theirs.
Also, I imagine the guests will all remember your wedding while at theirs, so in a way their copying just meant their big day will be a little bit about yours

I would think, Lying, that the OP meant she would enjoy the venue etc. of this couple's wedding more as a guest than she could when she was the bride and getting married, presumably because she was somewhat preoccupied at her own wedding.

Yes thumb thanks. You've explained it better than me and that exactly what I meant.

Sorry Mascara, I've obviously misinterpreted what you wrote there, thanks Thumb.

Sorry about your loss, OP.

I recently got engaged a couple of weeks before a friend. The groom congratulated us in his speech, and it was really lovely. She was honestly radiant the whole day for other people and so excited for us. It didn't steal her enjoyment, it added to it.

And of course my fiance and I talked weddings, at a wedding - we're planning! Not in a judgemental way, but mostly, 'ooh, I love that'. Don't forget they would have been super hyped for themselves (before the buzz wears off!).

The one thing I'm glad I didn't do (after taking advice from the Weddings board here) was to ask the bride to be my bridesmaid. Having been there on the day, and been on the receiving end of more excited hugs from her than I could count, I think she might have exploded with overflowing excitement. I'm sending her a card to arrive after her minimoon instead (there could have been slight issues because I wasn't her bridesmaid, but I think any feelings about that were extinguished on both sides at the wedding). And the old rule of you can never have too many nice occasions apply here.

I suspect a lot of people at the forthcoming wedding will be saying/thinking “isn’t this just like Mascara’s wedding? How odd”.

:)

Of course it's a bit weird they are doing this. However it might end up being a really nice day reminiscing with your oh and any cross over guests about your wedding. I can just imagine a MN post afterwards: AIBU I copied my friends wedding and all the guests kept on talking about was Mascaras wedding day!

Sorry about your mc, they really really suck. In my experience the build up to the due date was far worse than the date itself. Although I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to go to the wedding

I think it’s totally weird. I actually know a couple doing a similar thing, only the bride was terminally ill at the wedding and has now sadly passed away, so the whole family have to go to what will be essentially a carbon-copy of this poor girl’s wedding almost exactly a year later. Completely crass.

I’d be annoyed too OP.

Oh and so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby at around the same stage and dreaded my due date. In the end it wasn’t so bad but I was able to spend a quiet day with DH which really helped. Sympathies.

Greet her on the day -

'Hello! Oh you look lovely! Isn't it strange to be back? I remember it looking so much nicer here, hasn't it changed in a year?! Wow. Oh there's Aunty Hacksaw, I'll see you later. Enjoy!'

I think you should go to the wedding.

When you see the bride and groom at the reception, give them a gushing thanks for their wonderful wedding - wax lyrical about how it is particularly special for you as it's like revisiting your own perfect day. Not just the lovely venue either; it's the food, the photographer, even the dress and make-up! So special, thank you and thank you again

I think that in general, nobody is ever wrong or unreasonable for what they FEEL. It's how they act on those feelings that counts. As long as you dont cause a scene etc you have every right to be annoyed and bitter.

I would love to go to a wedding at our venue. I haven’t been back since we got married. Can you think of it as a great opportunity to go back and the other stuff as a compliment?

I know how hard missed miscarriage is, look after yourself and try not to focus on their wedding