Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, bitter and being ridiculous.

[Mascarawandlady]

I'll try to keep it brief, I got married last year. We were really pleased to learn that a few weeks before our day that Dh's best man and partner had become engaged.

They mentioned to us about using the same venue. We told them to go for it and a week before our wedding they booked it for the following year. I appreciate we don't own the venue therefore it's free to anybody else to use.

They've booked the same photographer as us. Again I appreciate anyone can use him.

I'm then asked about the makeup lady I used, in the hope she can be booked to.

These are just a few examples won't mention shoes, suits or food

What's annoyed me the most though, is comments that were made on our day just after we had walked out of the ceremony like 'oh this time next year, we'll all be back doing it again'. Is it too much to ask to have one day?
I've also learnt Dh's best man asked another guest at our wedding (a friend) to be his best man whilst still at our wedding. (Dh is also best man, Groom is having 2 best men).

I'd like to just make it clear I wasn't a bridezilla, I was a very relaxed bride to be, it was a small wedding, no frills and it is very much about the marriage and not the wedding for us. We didn't make it all about us, and didn't want a fussy day just special. Having said that, I don't know why I feel so bitter regarding all of this. I think they acted disrespectfully and felt they used the day as an opportunity to suss out the running of their day.
I asked to see her engagement ring, offered my congratulations and we chatted about their wedding. I don't think we even got a congratulations for just getting married.

Anyway the wedding is approaching and I'm even more bitter about it than ever.
I wouldn't say anything as that would cause trouble within the family (Dh's best man also a relation). I'm not really one for confrontation and bite my tongue a lot. A lot of guests will be the same as ours as it's a family wedding so I wouldn't want to rock the boat.

Additionally, the date of the wedding would have been my due date of our first baby, which sadly at the 12 week scan we discovered the pregnancy wasn't to be. This is obviously adding to my emotions.

Do I just need a shake or would anyone else feel the same? Or anyone else care to share their 'I'm bitter about' stories?

'Memorial aspic'. I can tell you almost 10 years after my own I remember very little of the things I obsessed over. Asking for vendor recommendations isn't copying, it normal. It doesn't mean they'll get the same flowers, food options, suit etc just that they want to use a company people they know we're happy with. The only thing it's clear they are copying is the venue which again, is pretty normal

I got married at the same venue as my best friend, not even a year after her. Admittedly different reception location but the wedding itself in exactly the same place. She's just got divorced, so here's hoping that we don't replicate that!
The only thing I think is a bit off, is if they were just yapping on about their wedding plans throughout your day. Saying that, I was talking to so many different people at my reception I'd barely notice what one couple were going on about.
I'd actually like to go back to a wedding where I got married so guess I feel differently altogether.
Are they a bit copy cat in all ways? Is this about more than the wedding?
Very sorry about your miscarriage, but I'd let the getting wound up over the wedding go.

I too am sorry for your loss.

I also agree that there are really no 'original' weddings - there are thousands of websites and Pinterest pages to attest to that.

And it's completely normal for people to talk about their wedding or other weddings when they're at a wedding! That's the context, they're at a wedding so it'll spark thoughts or conversations about weddings!

The same as Christenings, funerals, hen dos, work nights out etc.

I think it would be strange to e.g have a 40th birthday party and get annoyed when people remember other 40th parties or say 'this is great, I'll do this at my 40th' or similar.

YANBU.
So strange that they other couple don't have the initiative to make their wedding their own.
Just keep smiling and nodding, and if they ask for any more details ('like where did you get your cake/flowers/namecards done?') feign memory loss.
Try and hang on to the idea that it won't change your wedding at all, even for those who attend the next one.

@WigglySquid

I agree with you, it’s creepy and weird to copy aspects of someone else’s wedding, especially that of a family member given that many guests will attend both weddings. I’m sure people will notice and think them quite odd or, at least, unimaginative.

This ^

And IMO calling every woman a BRIDEZILLA, who wants her OWN WEDDING DAY to be about her and her husband, is utter bollocks.

The behaviour of the couple (who are copying everything the OP and her husband did,) is a special kind of weird.

It smacks of stalking actually. And it also suggests a lack of imagination, and a lack of intellect, because it shows they can't come up their own ideas.

It's not 'stalking''; what a ridiculous comment.

Where did OP get the idea of the venue for her wedding? It's been a wedding venue before, I can guarantee it.

Nobody cares what other people's weddings are like, they only care about their own. Some want the day to go on forever and some, (like me) want the wedding-bit over and done with asap.

We're all different but we're not original, nobody is that when it comes to weddings.

Absolutely Sun, calling the OP a Bridezilla given her quite reasonable comments seems a huge exaggeration to me too.

Wear your wedding dress, OP

Contact her and ask where she got her outfit as you are going to wear it to her wedding

YANBU in the sense that this 'friend' owes you commission for doing all the hard work and testing out the suppliers. I would be cheesed off too.

I'd be really pleased if someone used our wedding venue and actually all the other details too, because it would give me a chance to re-live my day (without the stress of being a bride)! I'd only be re-living it in my head though, although I'd probably mention it a couple of times if I'm honest.
Who cares if other people copy you? I really couldn't care if someone copied everything I did (although no one ever has except my friend who bought the same carpet and lightshades). Just enjoy your things/activities/children's names and don't worry about what anyone else is doing.

Mumsnut .

I doubt most guests will notice, apart from it being the same venue. I mean this kindly, but the things brides and grooms care about, are rarely the things guests remember.
What I remember from weddings I have been to is not the venue (unless they choose somewhere unusual, most wedding venues are fairly similar), the photographer (unless they were rude I wouldn't even notice if the same photographer was at a wedding a year later), and other things the couple think a lot about.

What I remember is - did the couple look genuinely happy to be married and in love - sadly not all do. Was it a fun day catching up with friends and family. Did the family seem happy the couple were getting married. Was the food okay. Was there lots of waiting around for hours while photos were taken. Did people get up and dance.

Every wedding is different, even if the superficial things were the same.

Personally I suspect that your understandable grief at the loss of your baby, is finding an outlet in being unhappy about this wedding. That is something nearly everyone does. When life is tough, it is easy to get annoyed and upset at things that would barely register at other times. Be kind to yourself.

Well, they're completely unoriginal and shameless, OP. YANBU to be irked by their behavior.

They've essentially used you as a wedding planner; you did all of the leg work and they've scuttled up (whilst your Champagne is still fizzing, no less) and ridden on the coattails of your effort!

Copiers will always exist though, it's best to diffuse anger by turning it into empathy. Imagine being so unimaginative, that you have to copy and paste someone else's day

More importantly though, I'm truly sorry for your loss, and really hope the day is as manageable as possible

Stalking...lol

A wedding is 'just about the bride and groom and THEIR day' ...to them. And them only. So just enjoy the day being about the two of you, that's the point of it - your marriage and your day. Special to you.

But to 99.9% of the guests (very close family excepted) it's just another wedding. That doesn't mean they don't think it's a lovely day or aren't happy for you - it just means it's another wedding to them. The same as another baby being born or another hen do or 1st birthday party and on and on...

OP, sorry about your baby. That’s really sad.

Anyone who thinks their wedding is unique is deluded. As is any bride who thinks their wedding is remotely important to anyone apart from them (and possibly the groom if he hasn’t been driven to the verge of insanity by constant wedding blether).

I’ve worked at something like 200 weddings, and literally 4 of them stick in my memory (2 because the brides had an interesting dress and the other 2 for reasons you really wouldn’t want your wedding remembered for).

Maybe the other couple just couldn’t be arsed with micromanaging one day out of their lives, figured OP’s wedding was perfectly adequate for what they wanted, and just went with it. I guarantee practically no-one at their wedding will even notice or care that it’s like yours OP (mainly because they wouldn’t have been paying that much attention first time round). From years of experience, the only things wedding guests care about is good food, free alcohol, maybe some music to dance to and somewhere to sit and chat. That’s it. Favours, chair covers, colour schemes, stupid speeches, photos, cake, all the other things brides obsess about - guests couldn’t give a toss.

That's the ragey thing about weddings - its meant to be celebrating the bride and groom, but in my personal experience, even one day is too much for the majority of people to not focus on themselves, hence brides (enraged by this) often being considered demanding. Confratulations on your wedding, and sorry for your loss. You might need a stiff drink and a sweet smile at their wedding. Play some sort of game in your head, like 'one upmanship bingo' to make it less painful if they or anyone else are comparing or out doing.

YABVU and a Bridezilla.

I would think of something else to be irrationally annoyed about.

I do think weddings are important and have been known to get tearful during the vows. But what I think makes a wedding memorable is seeing a couple obviously in love and happy to be married. Some couples it is just so obvious. Always sweet when the groom gets tearful too.

Agree that where the details are memorable, it tends to be for the wrong reasons. So speeches - I remember the few awful ones. But as long as someone says the Bride looks beautiful, and everyone seems happy for them, then they don't stand out.

I remember two wedding dresses. One because it was red, the other because it was a tea party dress. I have thought some dresses were beautiful, but I could not remember them a year later. The key is that they fit okay and the bride looks happy in it. Anyway no two women ever look the same in the same dress anyway.

Strangely @brasty, that’s the same dresses I remember!

I've actually been in exactly the same position as this, as my husband's good friend booked the same venue after attending our wedding and liking the location so much. They used the same caterers, same bar company, same hairdressers etc, all based on our recommendations as they weren't from the local area. To be honest, I was quite miffed in the run up to it, like our wedding day would be overshadowed and copied.

In the event, I LOVED it! They had a fabulous happy day that was very different to ours, and going back to the venue as guests meant we actually had more time to relax and enjoy it than we had during our wedding.

Having said that, making comments about their wedding during yours is a bit off and would also have really irritated me.

I can see where you're coming from, but try and take it as a compliment. Try to come from the angle that it's nice they thought your wedding was so nice they decided to copy a lot of the elements.

My SIL got married in the same church/venue as us and it was really nice to be back, almost like re-living our day but from the guest's point of view. The best of both worlds!

DO be prepared for people to make comparisons though. Unfortunately, despite our wedding taking place in July, it drizzled all day (that's Scotland for you!). SIL was married in March and she had glorious weather. One guest actually brought it up during the reception, asking me if I was jealous and saying that I should ask for my money back for our wedding! We also had comments about the flowers not being as nice at our wedding (which interestingly was the only thing I delegated to my MIL, but best not go there...).

If this was happening in my family I would suspect one-upmanship. Are they generally competitive people, OP?

Or is it more that they are insecure/unimaginative and it’s easier for them to copy your entire wedding ceremony than to think of something unique to them?

I think YANBU whatever the reason is.

I’m so sorry to hear about your baby.

I think this is more common than you'd think. One friend of mine - finding out that he was returning to the same venue for the THIRD time - was heard to be muttering about new experiences!

My best friend booked our wedding band, I used the same order of church service as a different friend, we all had the same make-up lady etc.

Just see it as a massive compliment. I know you remember your day with great detail but no-one else does. Go along and enjoy it.

Means your day was lovely. But I understand - I hate competitive copycat behaviour