To give up on my Mum friends?

[silenceisadistantmemory]

I’ve got in with a group of about ten women. All have babies roughly the same age. All good, been great to have during the past year.

However, the suggestions of where to meet have switched to always being in a particular place- which would take me an hour and a half and two bus changes to get to. They all drive and I don’t- can’t afford lessons or a car so this is not an option. Meeting these friends would probably be the only time I’d use said car anyway.

I have a very active toddler who will not tolerate that journey on public transport.

Time to give up? It’s depressing.

[pancakesfortea]

I understand your situation OP. I don't drive. I live in zone 1 central London. Very few people here drive. I joined a local NCT class and made great mates. I stayed put, still live in the same flat ten years later, but they gradually all moved to the burbs, some of them to the same very-awkward-to-get-to burb and that has become the social hub. Understandable because there are more of them than me and also they have bigger houses, gardens etc.

But for me it's a complete pain in the arse. An hour by bus. I've stuck with it because they're great friends, and they do give lifts when they can - sometimes going quite a way out of their way which I'm very grateful for.

So I can see why you're annoyed, but you just have to decide whether they are worth the investment.

[fliptopbin]

I ended up ditching all of my mum friends for this very reason.

[SleepingStandingUp]

fliptopbin because you refused to be honest with them over how you thought they might react?

[messyjessy17]

You ditched all of your friends because they didn't somehow know you were expecting them to offer you lifts all the time ?
I'm sure they were sad about that.

[Happydoingitjusttheonce]

Mum friends tend to come and go because often the only thing you hevdvin common is being a mother. Only one of my close friendships was made because we were mum friends. Are there other groups of mums at places you frequent who you could get involved with?

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

The majority of my mum friends have the same age oldest child as me, but their second one is older than mine (we waited and had a longer age gap). They consistently want to meet at a place which is unsuitable for my youngest, I've mentioned it several times as the reason for my bowing out but wouldn't expect them to change just for me. I second pp above who said arrange to meet smaller groups closer to you, or invite them to yours etc?

[cluelessnewmum]

I do think mummy friends are different from real friends in most cases, ie will do what is convenient for most even if it leaves someone out, example from nct is we meet up on a day when most people working part time have a day off which means one girl misses out as her day off us different.

Alot of us have moved out of London now so the meet ups are much less frequent and are based on who has the impetus to invite people over, everyone is expected to make their own way there.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Op has asked to meet at another location, it's not been supportive. If they won't meet in a different location, they certainly won't put the,selves out to give lifts. Op if yiur afraid to ask for lifts, they won't meet occasionally in a location closer to yiu, are not good friends, I would Ditch. They all sound a bit Luke warm tbh.