Is my girlfriend being unreasonable or the University?

[Fluffywhitecloud]

NM as this is revealing. I have previously posted for advice and would like to keep threads separate.
My girlfriend has got into a situation that has infuriated me. Right now she balances a 30 hr work week with a full time university degree. She's had a few struggles over the last few months with ill health.
She is managing to cope but had a shock earlier this week when a second cousin passed away. She went into shock and it took time to calm her.....this took place in the time she should have been travelling to a university seminar which she obviously wasn't in a fit state to attend.
The university now want a death certificate as evidence but she has said it's too insensitive to ask her extended family and that as she only missed one, non assessed class she will not provide this. She has offered to attend a later class but they rejected this. She has said that she will not harass her cousins family for a copy of the death certificate for her lecturer and that if her absence is more than 5 days she will get a doctors note. the class was not assessed but she has said she will deal with any penalties as she is not supplying it and feels she has done all she can. She emailed to say it was not easily accessible and that she is self certifiying as prr the departmental policy.
I'm glad to say she is getting back to her normal self but is still grieving. Was she being unreasonable or were the university being insensitive? I'm worried about the potential consequences for her

I'm a university lecturer and I think that sounds a bit fishy to be honest. Most lectures have attendance policies. I usually allow 1-2 absences per term, depending on the structure of the class. These are unexcused. Students don't have to do anything to notify me, but they do need to make up the work or get lecture notes from another student. If they miss an exam or another deadline, that's entirely different, and that becomes more of an issue with the university (usually that's above my head to excuse because it's a course requirement).

What is the attendance policy? I find it difficult to believe there could be a course that doesn't allow any absences at all. That's near impossible to police and would just be an administrative hassle for the university if nothing else. Usually this sort of thing they would only request if it's a student who has a history of poor attendance or who has missed a key course component (an exam or a presentation that can't be made up easily). If that is the case, then yes, I think she likely has to comply, though there's no reason not to go speak with someone about what she's going through and to see if there's another way. Talking face to face makes a huge difference and it means it's less likely she is just making this up to get out of something (it's sad to say, but you have no idea the things people make up to get out of attending class, and yes, people do make up deaths). But if it's necessary given the situation, I would just have her request that she has until the end of the term to do it, that way she has time to grieve as does her family and then she can deal with it and get herself sorted.

How long does she think she will need off for the death of a distant cousin?
It depends on their relationship. If my first cousin (dads are brothers) died I would care less we don't have a great relationship after she stopped my DC visiting her new born because she couldn't cope yet let her cousins (mother's side) bring theirs. If my 2nd cousin died (my dad and her mum are cousins) I'd be devasted. We grew up together and still do a lot together. We share childcare I look after her kids whilst she works and vice versa and go on days out together . Our DH are BFFs too.

OP, your girlfriend seems to have this under control and any consequences that result are hers to deal with. I'm not quite sure why you're 'infuriated' - but it does sound like you're trying to manage the situation for her and getting frustrated that she won't do things the way you think she should.

Times have changed. I studied at Cambridge 20 years ago. A friend of mine barely turned up to anything. He got a first every year. As far as I know no-one ever batted an eyelid and asked for proof of reasons for absence.

It was a standing joke that he would be in bed watching Richard & Judy rather than attending lectures or supervisions.