Should I make DH lunch?

[HoppityHopHop]

So DH and I have a baby and are struggling a lot with money lately. We are going to sit down tonight and prioritise what the money is spent on etc etc.
Now, he is very lazy and most of the time ends up buying himself lunch from the shop because he can’t be bothered to make a sarnie. This could end up costing roughly a fiver or so a day depends on what he gets which adds up to a fair bit over time.
I spoke to him on the phone earlier about sorting our money out and being sensible, and he said well you should make me lunch then I won’t have to buy it.
I felt quite cheesed off by this because he’s quite bloody capable of doing it himself, for God’s sake it’s some ham in 2 bits of bread! Anyway I told him as much and he ended up making me feel guilty because I don’t work (since having DD) so basically I should be doing all the housework and food etc.

AIBU to think that he should do it himself? Or am I being selfish and petty over nothing? Probably as I don’t get out much anymore

I must be in the minority but I make my DH's sandwiches. For 2 reasons, the first I want to & I think is a nice thing to do & second the bozo would spend £10 a bloody day if I didn't

I am currently on mat leave but I also did it when I worked full time. My DH really appreciates it & texts me everyday to say thank you.

I make them the morning before eating, & my mum pointed out try might be a bit dry for him he's never complained & if he did it would be the end of the sandwiches!!

So many great ideas here. Marriage is about teamwork and since you have more time at home, unfortunately, your contribution ends up being the work that is not always directly followed by cash wages. Working p/t, I'm in the same boat.
So definitely make his lunch for him and use that to barter time elsewhere in your life for showers/hair or meeting friends or going to gym or whatever you want to do.
Plus, do write out the sums to show him how much a packed lunch costs vs. a shop-bought lunch and how much you are saving him by making it and then demand at least half of the savings in cash for yourself since you have provided the essential work of planning, shopping and preparing. It is these little savings which lift average earners into comfortable living. Takeaway coffees, lunches and the like are a huge drain on finances.
To speed things for yourself, you could cook extra each night and repackage it for the next day if he has access to a microwave.
Be sweet but don't back down. If he had to 'buy' housekeeping, it would cost way more than he'd be willing to pay.

He is out working all day, so you can stay home. Make him the sandwich

I'm on mat leave. My DH works. He makes himself a sandwich every morning, and also makes me one!

"You're at home, so I don't see why you shouldn't make them as you've chosen traditional roles. Otherwise, why shouldn't he be allowed shop-bought ones out of his wages? You shouldn't dictate to him what he spends his earnings on."

Er, that isn't how it works in "traditional role" families. The husband goes out to work, the wife works at home, all money is shared.

Do you really think that a scenario in which the woman has no say in the family income is in any way fair?

It would never cross my mind to make the adult man I married a packed lunch. Growing up my dad made his , and we children made our own, it's being capable not being unloved. When I go on mat leave with number 2 dh will make toddler & I some sandwiches a couple of days a week for the early days so we eat

DH mostly makes his own lunch. But if I’m making lunch for myself, I’ll fling him one together.

'He said well you should make me lunch then I won’t have to buy it.'

That it right there! Bloody entitlement! Uh no! Shoulda, woulda coulda! If you ask me nicely and are respectful then maybe but 'should' makes me dig in!

Maybe this would work better?

'Hoppity' would you mind making my sandwiches because you know what I'm like! If you want, I'm happy to look after DC while you make it? Love you 😘' I'd be all over that sandwich!

why wouldn’t you

Well, why wouldn’t he want to save his family £200 a month by making his own damn sandwiches and not being such a lazy bugger?

Tell him to either make his own, or his bought lunches have to come out of his personal spending money, not the family money. That should stop him sharpish.

bibbidee, the OP was very entitled with her call to say he can no longer buy his own lunch with his own money. If someone expected me to stop spending to meet their needs then the least they could do was prepare the alternative.

I can just imagine the replies if a SAHD had told his wife to stop wasting money on lunch and to get up earlier and make it before she leaves

err, if he thinks you will do it in the evening while he is on the computer, why can't he ?
Time for this kid to grow up, surely he can see its worth making a sandwich rather than be at 0 at the end of the month.
You have one child, not two.
This is the moment when he needs to be told to be a parent & not a kid.

Marriage is about compromise and working as a team - nothing wrong with you making his lunch as long as he is contributing something back in return.
I make DH's lunch and he sorts out other stuff that I don't want to do. I don't subscribe to the you do your washing I do my washing style of marriage - we are a team and play to our strengths.
If you are short of money this could save you £1000 a year.

Every housewife / sahp I know makes lunch for their working partner and they usually do it out of love. That doesn’t mean you should, just that if you loved him enough I’m sure you would have already been doing it for him / started as soon as that comment was made. That you didn’t strongly suggests you’re at the stage of your relationship where you both take each other for granted.

Yellow I'm not talking about a SAHD, I'm talking about what OP posted. He's an adult, if he can't work out his lunch is costing them money then that's silly! Surely he didn't need his DP to highlight this fact?! Oh but he did didn't he .....🤔

OP I have only read your original post so sorry if this has been suggested.

DH have the same amount of pocket money and the rest goes into the joint account. Food shopping comes out of the joint account. DH buys his lunch out and about and I take sandwiches to work. DH pays for the sanwhiches out of his pocket money.

Of course he's knows that buying lunch costs but given its his salary he can spend it on lunch if he wishes rather than make it at home.

He's already having to cover the OPs expenses as she's opted out of working and is now being told what he can and cannot buy.

'Opted out of working!' Ha ha hilare!

I'm a sahm at the moment. I actually offered to make my partner his lunches but he didn't want me taking on that housewifey role. (Plus he has a heavily subsidised work canteen). But had he ever expected it of me, there is just no way..

When we had our baby, DH made me a packed lunch every day to make sure I was eating properly. He did this at the same time as making his own. On days when he was out with a client or something, he would make mine anyway. Your DH is being a total nob.

Crikey - he make his own sarnie.
And on the days he doesn’t, you take a fiver out of your account and stash it up and at the end of the month you show him what he’s done and then spend it on something nice for yourself!

My DH works, I don't but do take my DGS to school. If I have time I make his sandwiches (but he always packs his own lunchbox with what else he wants) and he washes up his own breakfast things. If I am running late for whatever reason he makes his own lunch and leaves the washing up for me to do when I get back. Works for us.

YANBU in 8 years and 2 Mat leaves I've only made my OHs sandwhiches a handful of times and that was only because I probably wanted something sometimes he's out the door at 4am so he just makes them the night before while he's cleaning the kitchen. He's your partner not your child, BUT could you compromise somewhere? Make extra lunch/tea and him take it to work the next day? Its amazing how you don't notice what a difference it makes £5 a day for a working week is over a thousand pounds a year

I have made DHs in the past but recently have stopped because t became expected rather than appreciated. And my compromise always was, I will make it but it will be the night before rather than fresh that morning. My DH leave the house at 6:45am and there isn’t a chance in hell Im in the kitchen before that time!

My son works 7 days a week at a manually heavy job.His wife is a sahm mum of one.
She does make his lunch and cooks him a meal because he is physically exhausted in the evening.She chooses to do this.

Not a big deal for you to do it IMO. What kind of sandwiches though just asking, as you could make a batch of ham n cheese, peanut butter and cream cheese, and lots more combos and freeze and pack them in a few minutes.

Then it's done for the week.

I did this when I was working FT. Great to just open the freezer, pull out a pack and off I went. Totally defrosted and ready to eat by lunchtime. Add an apple, satsuma, pear or whatever on the side, and good to go.

Just a suggestion.