Should I make DH lunch?

[HoppityHopHop]

So DH and I have a baby and are struggling a lot with money lately. We are going to sit down tonight and prioritise what the money is spent on etc etc.
Now, he is very lazy and most of the time ends up buying himself lunch from the shop because he can’t be bothered to make a sarnie. This could end up costing roughly a fiver or so a day depends on what he gets which adds up to a fair bit over time.
I spoke to him on the phone earlier about sorting our money out and being sensible, and he said well you should make me lunch then I won’t have to buy it.
I felt quite cheesed off by this because he’s quite bloody capable of doing it himself, for God’s sake it’s some ham in 2 bits of bread! Anyway I told him as much and he ended up making me feel guilty because I don’t work (since having DD) so basically I should be doing all the housework and food etc.

AIBU to think that he should do it himself? Or am I being selfish and petty over nothing? Probably as I don’t get out much anymore

Sandwiches that freeze well

Batch sandwich making (him, not you) at the weekend.

Don't let his laziness mean you're harder up than you need to be. That's just selfish.

I used to have a very tiny budget and everyone where I was studying had another wage coming in and could buy from the canteen or shops.

I bought one loaf of bread a week, made a stack of sandwiches and kept them in the fridge as I was studying every night and falling into bed and leaving in a rush in the morning. They were fine. Bought ones are made in advance and delivered to the stores and then kept in a fridge after all.

Just make them once or twice a week. The other choice is for him to waste money. I provide lunches for the same reason but I am at home during the day.

Just make him a bloody sandwich, it only takes a minute but saves you a fiver! I lovingly make my DH heart shaped ones every day.

You're at home, so I don't see why you shouldn't make them as you've chosen traditional roles. Otherwise, why shouldn't he be allowed shop-bought ones out of his wages? You shouldn't dictate to him what he spends his earnings on.

He shouldn't tell you that you should make his lunch, but I think I would make it for my DP if I was at home all day with one child....providing he wasn't a lazy sod generally.
Really, it would depend whether he worked long hours. I would make the next days lunch for him when I had a few spare minutes during the day and keep it in the fridge so we could spend time together in the evening.

harsh she could be on maternity leave.

I'm not being funny but if I was him I would expect you to make my lunch.

My husband used to work from home and I was working full time (out the house). He made my dinner and lunch every week day. Some mornings he even made me a cup of tea.

I'm now at home and he works out the house, so I do all the weekday cooking. Although I don't make his lunch. He's never asked but I would if he did.

Just do it the night before while your cooking dinner.

I’m going against the grain here - you don’t work so I would say that making him some sandwiches isn’t beyond a reasonable ask.

I think the issue here is that he didn't ask, he demanded.

My DH works bloody long hours. He leaves the house at 5.30, returns at 7pm and makes his own lunch because he’s a fucking adult !!! I work and do all the care for our 6 year old. He never would tell me to do it but if he was stupid enough to do so he’d soon stop.

I used to always make my husbands sandwiches but thats because I made mine but when I stopped working and had the kids he made his own until the kids needed lunches made. Mine are all secondary school now and I lost the plot a couple of weeks ago when they were all telling me what they wanted chopped this sliced that so I said right I don't need a sandwich there are 5 of you and 5 days for sandwiches so now they have to take it in turn.

Are you familiar with the book 'Sam's sandwich' by David Pelham?
Make his sandwich for one day only, then read it to him while smiling menacingly. He won't ask again..
(He's an arse, don't make his lunches)

Are some of these responses a joke? A grown up can take a minute and make their own bloody sandwich, regardless of who is working and who isn't. Any one who expects otherwise I imagine being the type who can't even take their own dirty dishes to the kitchen and put their own rubbish in the bin.

Why would you not make him lunch? The reason he can't buy them is that you need to save money now you are no longer working. It seems like he has to do all the compromising and you get all the gains.

Yeah if you're at home then you could

Also you could not. I work from home some days but my boyfriend doesn't expect me to make him lunch. Thats because he's a fully functioning adult not a manchild.

I just don’t get this tbh on mn I’m a sahm and do dh packed lunch why wouldn’t I when he’s going out to work at half five. I also have a baby a 4year old and a 9 year old.

I think my back would be up from the way he demanded you do it.

However I nearly always make sandwiches for dh. I do it the night before. Literally 5 minutes. And he does some of the tasks I don't like, like laundry.

Ah the weird MN strikes again.

Why wouldn’t you make him something up?

Yes he is capable of making a sandwich and you are not his mother, however, you are a couple, a team, why wouldn’t you do something that could help both him and you?

Some people seem to like being damn unhelpful simply because others are ‘capable’

For those saying 'why wouldn't you', why wouldn't he?!

My dh work long hours most days and manages to make his own lunch if he doesn’t want to leave the office the following lunch time to buy something.

I do very occasionally make him lunch and put a soppy note in it, but that is just something we’ve always done for each other from time to time.

Of course he can make his own lunch, he has hands that work right?

Santa and Hands have the best ways to approach this - bargain for making his lunch in exchange for him taking the baby in the morning while you get ready. You'll come out of that deal on top. Takes 5 minutes to slap a ham sandwich together and throw crisps, fruit and some chocolate in a lunchbox, but you'll get 30 mins of his time back on childcare, plus money saved.

I think the OP should make the sandwich, not because he can't but because it sounds like the saving money need is coming from the OP rather than it being a joint decision, and so being the one making the decision means she needs to take responsibility for some of the compromise. I can see why the OP's husband is being stubborn on the issue - the OP has made the decision that he has to have a packed lunch but has also decided it is his responsibility to make it ... he just wants a bit of extra time in the morning and to be allowed to spend his wages on a sandwich from the shop if he so chooses.

If it's left to him, he chooses not to make it and instead "wastes" money on buying a ready made lunch at work ... he has chosen to save the time in the morning and use money on lunch whereas the OP would rather he spent the time in the morning and saved the money on lunch.

If it's left to the OP then she can save the money, which is exactly what she wants, by taking on the responsibility of making the packed lunch, which since everyone keeps arguing it is a "quick and easy job" will take her mere moments in the morning, so it's not a huge hardship to do for something she wants so badly.

Does he like marmite/vegemite or peanut butter or jam? They're all super cheap super easy early morning sandwiches. I used to love it when we were skint and also ran out of the usual cheese or ham to open my lunch and find a peanut butter sandwich. Oh yeah I didn't know in advance because my husband used to make my lunch every day pre DC and I expect he will again when I go back to work after mat leave. It literally takes less than 5 minutes. Both of you are being unreasonable to an extent.

For those saying 'why wouldn't you', why wouldn't he?!

He was quite happy buying them so obviously didn't want to make his lunch.

If the OP wants the money for something else then she needs to compromise too. Not demand he gives up things so that she has the luxury of not working.

He should be able to buy them if he so chooses, its his salary.

The sex of the person doesn't matter, it would be the same if the situation was reversed.

He's capable of doing it himself. It sounds like he'd expect you to do it all of the time if you began to make him lunch.

My dp batch cooks his weekly lunches on one of his two days off , he did this when in worked ft and he still does now that I'm on maternity leave.

Wrt the buying lunch each day issue , it is bloody expensive! Before mat leave I would allow enough from my "spends" to have a Pret lunch once a week and have soup on other days.