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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that bringing an iPad to a sleepover is a bit rude?

55 replies

ProofBy1nduction · 25/10/2017 08:57

My DD (9) is having a few friends for a sleepover for her birthday next week.

The last time we did this (about 6 months ago) both her friends brought their iPads with them.

Aside from the fact I then have no idea what they are watching on them (they both wanted to take them to bed with them), I can't help feeling it is a bit rude to let your child take a device like this to someone elses house.

It's almost like assuming they will be bored.

It's probably just me though! Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 25/10/2017 08:59

My son has 1 friend that takes his iPad everywhere
He's coming for a sleepover on Saturday and I plan to firmly limit his access to it!!!

KoalaD · 25/10/2017 09:00

YANBU. Not cool.

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 09:03

Yanbu - but then that's because I'm of a similar view that it says you think the child will be bored interacting with an actual human child.

But from what our students say there's lots of tablet games etc and I just don't get them. Maybe it's that.

isittheholidaysyet · 25/10/2017 09:13

Mine take tablets to sleepovers, and to play at friends houses, and most kids coming here do the same, from about age 9.

They play games together on them, (this is their chance, they can't play on screens at school, and they often need to be on the same Internet connection.)
Record silly videos, (We would have just 'done a show' at their age, and forced parents to watch, but they like to record the play/show they have made up, adding special effects)
Show each other videos and TV they have found and liked (in my day we would have all watched the same after-school telly, but they have far more choice and diversity).

If there are other activities etc. happening then tell them it's not screen time right now and get them to put them away.

I wouldn't want my child to be the only one who hadn't brought his tablet, just because he has it doesn't mean he has to use it.

MrsOverTheRoad · 25/10/2017 09:13

At 9 I think it's out of order. I have a 9 year old DD and her friends don't bring devices...I do let them have a device for some of their evening but then I take it away at about 11.00pm and expect them to go to sleep!

I think it's stupid to allow littler ones like this access to their own device as the parents of the home they're visiting can't really demand it at bedtime and that means they can't check up on them.

MrsOverTheRoad · 25/10/2017 09:16

Holidays you do realise that in allowing kids access to the internet when you're not present is foolish?

I've seen time and again things go wrong...my older DD is 13 and there have been instances of those "silly videos" going wrong and turning into bullying fodder and even getting posted online.

One of DD's classmates aged 11, had a silly moment and showed her bottom...it was recorded in a "silly video" and posted online.

Resulting in the police getting involved.

Peeetle · 25/10/2017 09:23

I agree. I let my dd take one last night and she FaceTimed me at midnight because she couldn’t sleep (think she had spent six hours on the ipad so not surprising).

When I host I turn off the Wi-fi when I go to bed and they all sleep better.

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 09:26

That makes sense isittheholidaysyet.
That is the sort of thing my students talk about doing.

youarenotkiddingme · 25/10/2017 09:27

Isittheholidays puts it very well. Al or of what they do on iPads is what we did - but the 21st century way.

You can impose rules in your house on use though. Not a dining table, not overnight and not until ready in morning etc.

thethoughtfox · 25/10/2017 09:28

It isn't rude. It's just what their life at home is like. They must spend a lot of leisure time on them. They may have brought them as they think it's the most fun ever or they may spend so much time on screens that they struggle to occupy themselves doing anything else.

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2017 09:29

I see no issue with it, they play on them together. It would only be rude if they sat on their own using it, but generally that’s not what happens.

Scabbersley · 25/10/2017 09:29

None of mine even have a tablet. Yes I think it's rude and won't help social skills, whatever people jump on here to say.

Tealdeal747 · 25/10/2017 09:30

You need to check your parental controls first.

Original poster
ProofBy1nduction · 25/10/2017 09:35

Good idea Peetle - maybe I will turn off the WiFi (DH may have a heart attack though)

holidays - all the activities you list sound good but IME the reality is each child sitting in silence playing on their own device or all of them silently watching a YouTube video together, while I make increasingly unlikely suggestions of alternate activites -'How about we play the Game of Life?' - with DD giving me withering looks.

It is encoraging to see I'm not the only one who thinks it is a bit strange though.

OP posts:
Imsorrynow · 25/10/2017 09:36

I’d make it plain that if any damage occurs while the device is in my home it’s absolutely not going to be my responsibility.
Great idea ref turning WiFi off at a reasonable hour.
An iPad is much like a phone though isn’t it - and you couldn’t really ban phones.

Original poster
ProofBy1nduction · 25/10/2017 09:38

*encouraging

Tealdeal - we don't have parental controls. DD doesn't have an iPad.

OP posts:
Juicyfruitloop · 25/10/2017 09:38

I would not think it is rude. My DD would bring hers, After the party games and fun is over they could use them.

Limit their time say 2 hours. As a pp has explained they play lots of safe interactive games. I check constantly. The IPad is a modern teddy bear.

Coulddowithanap · 25/10/2017 09:40

Why add them to your WiFi anyway? Saves having to turn it off.

isittheholidaysyet · 25/10/2017 09:45

mrsover
But they have gone to play at a friends house, with the friends parents there.

My kids are still at the age where I know all the parents, (who are also my friends).
They also have no social media or phones (with mobile Internet access).
Yes friends could put videos online, and I'm sure in the future we may have those problems, but If my child goes to play at a friends house I have to trust that parent to supervise my child, online, but also in every other way. I trust that the parents are making sure my 10 year old is not being fed alcohol, I trust they are not abusing my child, I trust they are not letting older children abuse him, I trust they are not letting him watch unsuitable films. Different parents are different, if my child goes to someone else's house to play, they may be allowed to do things I wouldn't allow, visit the local park unsupervised for instance. These are all risks you take when you allow your child into someone else's care. My child leaving their tablet at home, does not ensure they will not be online, unsupervised at a friends house. It just means they (potentially) will be online unsupervised on someone else's device.

At a friends house my child will need the friends WiFi code to be able to go online. The parent could withhold that if they wished.

Video making in my living room, with me around supervising has risks, but I think they are managed risks.
When my child heads to secondary school, he will probably have an Internet enabled phone. He will be out of the house and my supervision for hours at a time, what do you suggest I do?

If the OP doesn't want tablets bringing to sleepovers, then she can ban them beforehand. My point was that it is not unusual, in my experience, for them to be brought.

AliPfefferman · 25/10/2017 09:52

I agree completely, OP. But unfortunately way too many parents rely on screens to entertain/educate their children, and too many children are used to spending hours and hours staring at electronics. Of course in my own house I can supervise or limit tablet use, but why should I have to when I don’t think it’s appropriate to have it there at all? I’m not above turning on a movie or letting the DCs use my iPad to make silly videos, but I only do it when I can supervise and I make sure that they share/collaborate. If every child has her own device they end up ignoring each other.

Scabbersley · 25/10/2017 09:55

I have 12 teens in my sitting room. No I pads, they aren't even on their phones. They are all watching Harry Potter Grin

furcoatandnoknickers · 25/10/2017 09:57

Why don't you ask their parents what their rules are when they use them at their own houses and say that as your dd doesn't have one, please could you have guide-lines, as you know, unsupervised, when more than 1 girl gets together, silly videos can be posted.

I think you will find they might go into "best parent-evah" mode and give very strict ones.
But deff. switch off internet at about 9pm!

Migraleve · 25/10/2017 10:03

How is it rude?

Back in the 80’s we used to take an extra bag with our stuff for sleepovers, iPads are just an extension

WomblingThree · 25/10/2017 10:05

Wow @Scabbersley, aren’t you a much better parent than everyone else.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 25/10/2017 10:06

None of mine even have a tablet. Yes I think it's rude and won't help social skills, whatever people jump on here to say.

Really? How interesting, Having got into a locally prestigious 6th form, it was remarked the DS, who has his own Youtube channel for gaming tutorials was a well rounded individual who embraced modern technology as the way forward and was just the sort of student they wanted to encourage.

But of course, if you want to leave yours lagging in the 20th century rather than the 21st, then thats your prerogative. I doubt your children, their educators nor the job market will thank you for it in the long run.