Touchy feely woman - I think I was rude

[florapearl]

A woman I see regularly in various contexts has a bit of a touching habit. She has rubbed my thighs, strokes my arms and puts her hand on my back, just where my bra fastens.

I have tried jokingly asking her to stop but it didn't work so yesterday I told her to stop touching me, it made me really uncomfortable. She looked really upset.

I don't know. Today I don't feel so good about it.

She's the one being rude, not you.

If you didn’t feel comfortable it was v brave and assertive if you to tell her. Absolutely the right thing to do , she is allowed to feel upset as she may have meant nothing by it and be mortified, but you still did right.

And that’s coming from a touchy-feels woman ^

Although I’m not that bad - more a hugger and very happy to not if someone says they’re not a hugging person x

We’ll done OP!

I’m so anti “Touchy, feely” I wont even go to a spa —yuk—!! Definitely nothing to feel bad about.

No I don't think you where rude.But rubbing thighs is seriously we.I hope she thinks about other peoplesfeelings now.

My snap moment came when she was touching my back.

It makes me angry, I must have issues.

Who the fuck goes up to someone and rubs their thighs?

To be blunt it is far too close to my backside for comfort!

Actually she sounds like a predator getting a kick out of making you uncomfortable - actively seeking you out and touching your thigh is really not normal.

I can’t stand anyone touching my back. Not even DH or DS. The anaesthetist giving me my epidural only got away with it because my mind was elsewhere at the time.

It's entirely her fault. She has forced you to be blunt.

I would hate the touching too.

I would probably have slapped her hand away the first time. It's very weird behaviour.

"My snap moment came when she was touching my back. It makes me angry, I must have issues."

I don't think you have issues at all. Who on earth goes round touching/rubbing someone else's back? Nobody - apart from those that you allow. So honestly, you don't have issues. She is way overstepping the boundaries.

You don’t have any issues! I’d have done the same as you OP. She’s the one in the wrong not you.

Why are you questioning yourself? She behaved inappropriately, you asked her firmly to stop and explained it made you uncomfortable. Textbook assertiveness.

Absolutely not unreasonable of you at all.

Kbear

I don't mind hugs on arrival (as long as there's no kissing - (God forbid 2 kisses) but I hate hugs on leaving. I make my way to the doorway and wave to everyone.

OP

YANBU

Rubbing your thighs?! Ask her if she isn't going to buy you a drink first

Seriously though, YANBU and you were right to ask her to stop, you don't need to put up with unwelcome touching.

You don’t have issues.
You weren’t rude.

There is nothing rude about asserting our personal boundaries.

She was rude.

Don’t feel guilty.
Don’t apologise for reclaiming your own personal space.

nNina22 I can't believe you did that to your colleague twice!

My 14yo DD is very particular about who she allows to get into her personal space. Our mutual acquaintance (female) is very touchy feely - not to the extreme as your story OP - and she got too close to DD one too many times and it caused her to break down into angry tears. I think touchy feely acquaintance finally got the picture. (Yes, I'd spoken to her as well, but wasn't in the room at the time)

I told DD that under no circumstances should she stand for that sort of behaviour, no matter the intent; she is allowed to decide who touches her!

So good on you, OP. Stand firm. She might feel embarrassed but it doesn't sound like it'll happen again. Result!

Ok don't question yourself
You did the right thing.Too many times women are conditioned "to be nice".Shes the one in the wrong.

Bet she'llgive you a wide berth from now on.

You did the right thing, she had no right touching you in such a personal way. She ignored your boundaries, so you were quite rightly firm.

You were not in the wrong and you do not have issues. She has issues if she thinks that touching other people intimately like that is OK.

It is not OK, and it is an invasion of your personal space.

I am not a touchy feely person at all. I would have told her bluntly too. She really left you no choice. You'd still be putting up with it if you had not said anything and no way should you have to.