Touchy feely woman - I think I was rude

[florapearl]

A woman I see regularly in various contexts has a bit of a touching habit. She has rubbed my thighs, strokes my arms and puts her hand on my back, just where my bra fastens.

I have tried jokingly asking her to stop but it didn't work so yesterday I told her to stop touching me, it made me really uncomfortable. She looked really upset.

I don't know. Today I don't feel so good about it.

[Fluffyears]

It’s a bit much! I had a female colleague squeeze my bum when I was at the printer at work . I turned round and gave her both barreksbtgat it was totally not acceptable to feel people’s arses and to not touch me ever. She cried and said she was just showing affection! Ffs!

[YouStoleTheBowlFromTheRoom]

I’m naturally quite touchy-feely with people I like, and I say you’re 100% right, OP. It’s for tactile people to remember not everyone likes physical contact. Sure, your toucher may feel a bit embarrassed, but you’ve nothing to reproach yourself for.

Well done for asserting your boundaries. I hope that doesn’t sound patronising - it’s genuinelj a really hard thing to do.

[goshthatseemsalot]

Does anyone have any tips for keeping the touchy-feely tactile huggy brigade at arms length without causing offence?

[Mittens1969]

YANBU, that would definitely freak me out, I hate that sort of thing. Yuck!

[ZzzMarchhare]

I physically recoil if anyone is touchy-feels with me. I can't help it but they soon get the message

[Maelstrop]

YANBU. My old boss used to grab my wrist as though I were a child about to run off from her. I've had the thigh rub too. I stopped her one time and told her that I did not like to be touched. She stopped. I think she just didn't realise how uncomfortable she made me.

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

You weren't rude.

You tried doing it nicely so really its her own fault for not taking the hint, I am quite touchy feely (but only with people I know are ok with it) but even I would have been annoyed by the thigh stroking.

[Jux]

What everyone lse says. Not yor issues, hers. Hope she stops.

[AcrossthePond55]

I tend to be pretty relaxed about people touching me, but touching anything below the waist is inappropriate. Obvs touching 'lower private parts', but also hip, thigh, knee, or lower back.

You were not out of line in the least.

[MrLovebucket]

I'm a fairly tactile person but that is totally inappropriate touching.

Good for you for speaking up, she sounds a fucking nightmare.

I have a friend who hugs me just a little bit too tight and little bit too long. She got way too touchy feely recently after a few drinks and I physically pushed her away from me saying "ffs" their I don't want anyone other than my partner grabbing me around the waist or brushing hands against my breasts.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Would you have doubted yourself, if a man did that.

[Topseyt]

You were not in the wrong and you do not have issues. She has issues if she thinks that touching other people intimately like that is OK.

It is not OK, and it is an invasion of your personal space.

I am not a touchy feely person at all. I would have told her bluntly too. She really left you no choice. You'd still be putting up with it if you had not said anything and no way should you have to.

[Aeroflotgirl]

You did the right thing, she had no right touching you in such a personal way. She ignored your boundaries, so you were quite rightly firm.

[dustarr73]

Ok don't question yourself
You did the right thing.Too many times women are conditioned "to be nice".Shes the one in the wrong.

Bet she'llgive you a wide berth from now on.

[ownedbySWD]

My 14yo DD is very particular about who she allows to get into her personal space. Our mutual acquaintance (female) is very touchy feely - not to the extreme as your story OP - and she got too close to DD one too many times and it caused her to break down into angry tears. I think touchy feely acquaintance finally got the picture. (Yes, I'd spoken to her as well, but wasn't in the room at the time)

I told DD that under no circumstances should she stand for that sort of behaviour, no matter the intent; she is allowed to decide who touches her!

So good on you, OP. Stand firm. She might feel embarrassed but it doesn't sound like it'll happen again. Result!

[InsomniacAnonymous]

nNina22 I can't believe you did that to your colleague twice!

[BenLui]

You don’t have issues.
You weren’t rude.

There is nothing rude about asserting our personal boundaries.

She was rude.

Don’t feel guilty.
Don’t apologise for reclaiming your own personal space.

[notreallythere]

Rubbing your thighs?! Ask her if she isn't going to buy you a drink first

Seriously though, YANBU and you were right to ask her to stop, you don't need to put up with unwelcome touching.

[NotAgainYoda]

Kbear


I don't mind hugs on arrival (as long as there's no kissing - (God forbid 2 kisses) but I hate hugs on leaving. I make my way to the doorway and wave to everyone.

OP

YANBU

[BishBoshBashBop]

Absolutely not unreasonable of you at all.

[Dozer]

Why are you questioning yourself? She behaved inappropriately, you asked her firmly to stop and explained it made you uncomfortable. Textbook assertiveness.

[CaptainHammer]

You don’t have any issues! I’d have done the same as you OP. She’s the one in the wrong not you.

[PanPanPanPing]

"My snap moment came when she was touching my back. It makes me angry, I must have issues."

I don't think you have issues at all. Who on earth goes round touching/rubbing someone else's back? Nobody - apart from those that you allow. So honestly, you don't have issues. She is way overstepping the boundaries.