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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To murder my neighbour?

80 replies

CopperHandle · 24/10/2017 10:11

(light hearted, in case that isn't clear)

He's a nice man, bit odd perhaps, but always waved and we take it in turns to put each other's bins out, collect parcels etc. He has awful taste in music, but keeps it down - it's just thin walls unfortunately.

However, he is a persistent, malicious and continuous whistler.
It's constant. From about 6am (in the courtyard directly below my bedroom window so he's practically in bed worth me, doing it in my ear) to 10pm he whistles. Tunelessly.
I hate whistling with an irrational passion. It serves no purpose other than to entertain the perpetrator and, in my mind, is the sort of thing that serial killers do when skinning their victims.

WIBU to kill him?

and for those who will inevitably take the serious note, roll their eyes and tell me to ask him to stop - I'm far too much of a coward

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 24/10/2017 12:07

Davegrohlsgirl

I'm blushing lol

But.... do they set an alarm for it do you think or are they just early risers? (well clearly he is but y'know)

FooFighter99 · 24/10/2017 12:10

Hahaha my Granddad used to whistle all the time, drove my Gran mad!

No advice other than to wear earplugs if he bothers you that much, or learn to whistle and do it loudly and obnoxiously in his direction....

smallmercys · 24/10/2017 12:19

Provocation on the grounds of mental cruelty - you would get a suspended sentence and a week in the Maldives if I was the judge.

Habitual whistlers are pillocks. And notice that you don't hear women doing it, do you?

smallmercys · 24/10/2017 12:21

Davegrohlsgirl - an hour for a blowjob?

She's doing it wrong.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 24/10/2017 12:23

Play this loudly and often.

He'll at least up his game to something tuneful.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 24/10/2017 12:36

dave dare I ask, how do you know it’s a blow job?

RaspberryMousse · 24/10/2017 12:37

My MIL is a whistler. A kind of tuneless, under-her-breath whistler. I also have misophonia. I fantasise about giving her a good shake and telling her to Fucking Stop It every time we are there for Sunday lunch but she's otherwise a lovely lady so I won't...

Adarajames · 24/10/2017 12:38

Totally and utterly perfectly reasonable!!!! Used to be in an adult ed class with a man who whistled under his breath constantly, used to wear iPod to class to drown it out, one week I forgot I got to the point where I screamed at him across the room to shut the fuck up as it just completely drove me out of my mind; I have ME and attendant sensory issues, and it was physically painful as well as the most annoying thing EVER!! He very nearly didn't survive that day!! Kill him I say!

JennyOnAPlate · 24/10/2017 12:43

Kill him dead. With a lemon.

InsomniacAnonymous · 24/10/2017 12:43

Adarajames how did he react?

keepcalmandfuckon · 24/10/2017 12:46

@Adarajames I also would like to know how he reacted!

My dh whistles in the car. All I have to do is turn my head and glare at him and he knows to cut it the fuck out stop.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 24/10/2017 12:57

We had a very accomplished but utterly tuneless whistler in the office. Every time he "finished", I would ask him "what song was that then?" and eventually he stopped.

Where I grew up (back in the 60s), one of the ticket collectors at our local railway station used to whistle the first two lines of "Love is like a violin" all day. I can't go to that station even now without hearing it in my head, like the station is haunted...

Mental images of death by lemon are making me chuckle.

agentdaisy · 24/10/2017 13:12

You'd be perfectly reasonable op.

I don't mind a bit of whistling but incessant whistling drives me batty. Dd learned to whistle about 6 months ago and she hasn't stopped since. She has perfect pitch (I might ba a bit jealous) but it's always very high pitched whistling which triggers severe headaches for me. I feel mean constantly telling her to stop whistling as she loves winding up non whistling dd2
doing it but there's only so much I can take before I feel like my head's in a vice.

Adarajames · 24/10/2017 13:13

insomniac & keepcalm think he looked somewhat shocked, tutor took me outside for a word and to calm down. Didn't stop the annoying man (he wasn't very nice generally either which made it even more insanity inducing!) doing it again though, endlessly! I never forgot my iPod again though!

CopperHandle · 24/10/2017 17:13

Davegrohlsgirl how do you know its a blow job? Maybe he just really likes the morning news?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 24/10/2017 17:44

If it's reasonable to murder a whistling neighbour, where do I stand if I murder the manager who spends half the week in our office doing tuneless humming?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/10/2017 17:47

Whistling is DREADFUL! It really sets my tinnitus off and it drives sane people crackers!

Unfortunately, your neighbour is obviously a very happy person - surely there is something you can do to make his life a living hell reduce his optimistic outlook on life?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/10/2017 17:50

"a whistling woman and a cackling hen are neither fit for God nor men"

Like many proverbs Witches, there is another that contradicts it -

"A woman who whistles and a hen that crows will make her way wherever she goes"

And I hope she goes far because whistling cuts through me like a hot knife through butter.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/10/2017 17:52

how do you know it’s a blow job?

Probably it's followed by a lot of farting-type noises as he deflates . . .

Gramgram · 24/10/2017 18:19

Yes perfectly fine by me. But at least while he whistles you know where he is.

If you get away with it. You can offer your services, as an annoying neighbour assassin.

MiraiDevant · 24/10/2017 18:34

Whistling is a lost art. All the people in my family when I was a child did it and I loved it. Headphones and personal music have killed it.

Still I wouldn't like it next door and certainly not from 6am ! So YANB completely U

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 24/10/2017 20:13

Once had a physics/chemistry teacher who quietly whistled and hummed together, whenever concentrating.
(Hands up who just tried it? Grin)

Sort of a low droning, without seeming ever to draw breath. Bit like throat singers. Very disconcerting.

He didn't realise he was doing it half the time, as he frequently lapsed into the habit even when walking up and down the aisles, invigilating exams.

Bloody buzzing bee in a previous life?

OhWhatToChoose · 24/10/2017 21:40

Favourite thread of the day hands down!

Make sure you watch a good few episodes of criminal minds first so you can learn how to murder and cover your tracks. Apparently pigs will eat every bit of a human body so there would be nothing left for anyone to find WinkWink

Lweji · 24/10/2017 21:41

Apparently pigs will eat every bit of a human body so there would be nothing left for anyone to find

I'm pretty sure that's of Hannibal fame.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/10/2017 21:45

Is there a local music school to where you live? Could you get some flyers and pop them through his letterbox?
Lessons in the Tin Whistle???

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