AIBU to want to spend Christmas with my family?

[newmachar]

This is the second year my partner and me will have spent Christmas together. Last year we went to my parents on Xmas day, and his parents a few days later. His mum did a Xmas day again, invited family, opened pressies, played games etc.
This year we have had our first baby, he will be four months old at Xmas and I really really really want to go home to my family again. It’s just my mum, dad and older brother, and is always a quiet Xmas. Without us three there, there isn’t much going on. We don’t have grandparents or aunts and uncles that we spend Xmas with.

3 hours away is my partners family, they always have a full house, my MILs daughter and three children will be there, along with both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins.

I know I’m not going to be able to relax knowing my family are having such a quiet one so far away, and missing their first grandchild’s first Xmas- am I being unreasonable here. I fear I might be

It’s difficult if you are used to a quiet Christmas to have a busy one. It’s difficult if you are used to having a busy one to have a quiet Christmas.

YANBU for wanting to have Christmas with your family but YABU to not alternate Christmas in future.

You could say that as baby is so young you’ll be spending it with your parents because they’re nearer to home etc but next year you’ll promise to go to the inlaws and butter them up with the fact the baby will be older and more fun!

Good idea, Pandora, but I’m not sure my partner will believe that one!!

You are a family yourselves now, you have to figure out what he wants, what you want, and how you will spend Christmas to all enjoy it. Mostly, that involves a good bit of compromise, and not a lot of enjoyment, but eventually you forge your own traditions.

This is really hard. You are not being unreasonable but, at the same time, your partner may want to spend with his family too. We find Christmas quite overwhelming on both sides now (we have loads of nieces and nephews and ours are the youngest) so we have decided to spend every Christmas at home from now on and visit family at a different time over the Christmas period.

I think the baby arriving is the perfect opportunity to change things.

Say from now on you will be spending Christmas at home. Then invite your family for lunch. ILS won't want to change their usual routine with the wider family visiting so nobody will be put out.

I always stayed at home for Christmas once my DC were born. If you think DH won't go for that say you will split it three ways - Y1 at your parents. Y2 at home, Y3 at his parents etc.

YABU! Your partner's family have just as much right to expect to see their son and grandchild as your parents. If he wants to see his family then its only fair that you alternate. I much prefer to spend Christmas with my family too but we are a family so I alternate and suck it up...

Perhaps you can suggest that you spend Christmas at home just the three of you, have Christmas Eve day with one set of parents and boxing day with the other set. Or invite your parents to spend Christmas day and your in-laws to spend boxing day with you. Alternatively, you go to your parents after leaving in-laws and have Christmas over again (just as your in-laws did last year).

Sorry, but you are being massively unreasonable. See it from your partner's point of view. Last year he had a dreary quiet Christmas with your lot instead of the fun and lively Christmas he wanted with the people he loves and wants to spend Christmas with. He did this for you. Your turn to give it back.

Or ..... opt out of this tit for tat altogether and have Christmas Day with your own new little family and do the wider family visits either side of Christmas Day.

Roll this forward 30 years. How will you feel if your DS always spends Xmas with his wife's family rather than you?
Your MIL may be having a big family Xmas but it will be very different if her son, DIL and grandson aren't there to if they are there. It isn't your, your DH's or your DS' responsibility to make Christmas fun for your parents or brother. I think it is only fair if you alternate.

YABU.

Would there be any way to include your family at the in law gathering? I know DC wasnt around last year, but alternate years is what most couples/families do and I can see both sides, why you would want to spend time at your parents, which is closer (and easier) than the long travel time. But equally, I’d imagine he sees it as his turn with his parents. A six hour round trip on a young child will be tough- would you be staying there? That would also be a factor for me- it’s a long drive just for dinner

Seems fair

I mean he did go to your folks last year so fuck it, eaten bread is soon forgotten.

Push to get your own way again this year. Probably try for the hat trick next year too.

A three hour drive with a four month old is actually about a five hour drive once all the requisite stops have been made. That’s quite a long time!

I understand why you feel this way, it's natural to want to be around your own family but as others have said it's only fair and one day you're going to be the mil wanting to see your grandchild.

Next year's Christmas will be much more exciting too, 4 month old's don't do anything whereas at 16 months he'll be much more aware.
This year he'll sleep, cry and look at the ceiling whereas next year he can really take part.

I think we have decided to do Xmas morning at home, drive to my parents for lunch, then drive to his parents for the evening and Boxing Day.

Very good point about what if my son wants to spend every Christmas as his wife’s parents- I’d be begging for an invite!!

Next year I’m booking a holiday over Xmas to solve all problems...