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Original poster

Is this creepy or at least unusual behaviour or am I (and my sister) being paranoid?

80 replies

questionzzz · 23/10/2017 19:46

I need to know, because I tend towards anxious feelings about losing my kids, also I am single mom living in a new community where we are just making friends.

Yesterday, DS (11 soon 12) and I went to a local large swimming pool.
Being a chilly Sunday afternoon, it was fairly crowded. The pool has waterslides, which whoosh out into a kind of water lane.

So DS was up on the water slide, and I was kinda waiting by the lane when he got down, to tell him I was going to be in the steam room or something. As I was waiting, I noticed and made brief eye contact with some random large bloke whom I didn't know. Not a lifeguard(not wearing the standard red swimwear). I wasn't quite sure how long DS would be coming down, as there tended to be a bit of line up, and I went to get a drink from the fountain a little way away from the water slide. As I made my way back, I noticed DS sitting in the water lane, and the bloke bent over him, talking to him and pointing over at me. DS got out and kinda nodded and walked over to me and then ran over to the main pool. The end.

Later, I remembered and asked DS what the guy had told him. He said something like "He asked if I was having fun, and if I'm looking for my mom, she's over there".

Further note: DS hadn't asked him if he'd seen his mom. Neither of us knew this guy or had seen him before that.

I mildly freaked out because, a/ Why would he know I was his mom? b/ Hasn't he received the memo about strange men not talking to kids they have no business talking to? c/ Just why?

Later I mentioned this to my sister, who is my closest family member these days, and she, who also knows about my anxieties re the kids, said, half-jokingly, "he was probably casing the joint- testing to see DS was alone or not, to see if his mom really was around."

Not helpful, sister.

Anyway, it's not a big deal, but it's things like this which sometimes makes me feel I cannot take my eyes off them. Also watching SVU doesn't help.

OP posts:
BluePheasant · 23/10/2017 21:29

Maybe he slightly misread situation and thought you were looking around for DS and was trying to help? I don’t think it sounds sinister.

Comealongnoweveryone · 30/10/2017 05:11

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I had two run ins with paedophiles as a child and both were at the pool.

Atenco · 30/10/2017 05:56

Hmmm, yes, the decks seem really stacked against them, poor fellas. I wonder why that is? Anything in the news, any statistics? Nothing?

I know most perpetrators are men, but criminals, fortunately enough, make up a very small percentage of the population, even of the male population.

Iris65 · 30/10/2017 05:58

'man points out mother to boy' seriously, men just cant win can they?

^This.

Poor bloke has probably read Hilary Clinton's book 'It Takes a Village to Raise a Child.' and is then viewed as a threat!

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 30/10/2017 06:41

Reckon he was probably just trying to be helpful but given previous experience with your ex it's understandable that you'd be a little paranoid. If it was a recurring thing that would be different but try not to worry OP. I'm the world's worst for over thinking things but try not to anyway as it will just give you uneccessary anxiety Smile

PrincessoftheSea · 30/10/2017 06:45

This again. So much paranoia on here at the moment.

khajiit13 · 30/10/2017 06:54

He pointed out his mother. Is that not the opposite of what someone malicious intent would do Hmm chill out OP

FlouncyDoves · 30/10/2017 07:03

Nothing to get your bikini bottoms in a twist over here.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 30/10/2017 07:04

The irony of OP seeing 'men' as a single and generalised threat, when she has a son of her own, is both baffling and worrying.

whiskyowl · 30/10/2017 07:11

What?! He probably noticed you with DS earlier, and maybe you looked as desperately anxious as you sound about the world, and maybe he thought you and your DS had been separated by accident not by design.

You sound like you could use some help with your anxiety, because being so anxious about something so minor isn't normal. I don't mean that in a harsh way, it's just that this must be affecting your whole life and it must also be quite debilitating.

LoverOfCake · 30/10/2017 07:15

b, hasn't he received the memo about strange men not talking to kids they have no business talking to? WTAF? You sound like a loon. And yet again anxiety gets trotted out as an excuse. Hmm get a fucking grip.

RedHelenB · 30/10/2017 07:19

Seeing a mum hovering around for an 11/12 year old probably seemed odd enough to him that he pointed you out!

wanderings · 30/10/2017 07:33

My DH says that although he refuses to change his actions, he thinks about this a lot. He told me that at a swimming pool, he helped a young lad carry his huge inflatable ring up the stairs to a water slide; it was a nice thing to do, as the lad was struggling with this ring, which was taller than he was. My DH told me that while he saw absolutely nothing wrong with doing this, he could just imagine the horror and pearl-clutching if another adult had seen him so much as talking to the lad, especially as at first, there were no witnesses.

He also said that while queueing for water slides (we both love them), often up a narrow staircase full of eager children, said children often stand really close to him in their quest to get to the front, much closer than is normally "decent". My DH makes a point of leaving a space between himself and the kid in front, and he keeps his eyes strictly off the children, but he can't do anything about those who jostle him from behind. Again, he says he can just imagine the horrified pearl-clutching; is that man getting off on children standing so close to him?

I remember a moment when I was six, back in the mid eighties: I was on a school trip to Covent Garden, and (as one does) I went to the toilet. When I came out, a passing elderly man told me to stay with my group so I wouldn't get lost. Immediately I could hear the don't talk to strangers!!!!! or say "no" to strangers voices screaming at me in my head.

Icequeen01 · 30/10/2017 07:37

This is exactly the sort of thing my DH would do. He's very protective of children when we are out and about. My DH notices things that I never would, i.e. a child looking lost or wandering away from a group and will "watch" them to check they are ok. I guess you would call him large (6' 2") and he is a retired police officer with 30 years service. There is more chance that that poor bloke was a protective father than a Paedophile! For your children's sake you need to get some perspective!

StickThatInYourPipe · 30/10/2017 07:41

wanderings

Totally with your DH on the water slide queue thing! I'm always being 'rubbed up' from behind by (to be fair adults AND children) eager to get to the top.

Plus me and dp would have helped the lad, I think your DH sounds kind and not pervy!

lynmilne65 · 30/10/2017 11:10

FFS x 2

Grumpyrealist77 · 30/10/2017 11:47

I noticed DS sitting in the water lane, and the bloke bent over him, talking to him and pointing over at me. DS got out and kinda nodded and walked over to me and then ran over to the main pool. The end.

Later,

This ^ is your problem OP. You have anxiety issues and I feel for you, but YOU yourself had no problem whatsoever with this guys encounter with your son until, you thought about it later?!!??!?
Calm down, try to live your life enjoying the 99.9% of safe, normal existence and not worrying ott about the 0.1% of crap that you (usually) can’t do anything about.
Good luck!

Flowerbot · 30/10/2017 11:51

seriously, men just cant win can they?

Poor men, they have it so tough compared to women :( (sarcasm)

AlternativeTentacle · 30/10/2017 11:54

Poor men, they have it so tough compared to women

Well yes, they can't even be nice to people by pointing out the child's mother without being accused of being creepy. Not all men are nasty pieces of shit, and I am the first to call out these nasty pieces of shit. But a man pointed a child's mother out to him - this is not creepy behaviour!

milliemolliemou · 30/10/2017 12:08

Like PPs I'd be glad someone was keeping an eye out. And if you radiate worry and anxiety (even if you ended up leaving briefly for a drink) it does make you more noticeable. The Lord help us if helpfulness is eternally confused with interference of any sort. It ends up with this:
www.theguardian.com/uk/2000/aug/30/childprotection.society

LagunaBubbles · 30/10/2017 12:15

Poor men, they have it so tough compared to women

When it comes to talking to children I think they do without being accused of being a paedophile (although of course this doesnt make up for the sexist world we live in before that gets pointed out!).

Bluntness100 · 30/10/2017 12:20

If I saw a kid coming down a slide who seemed to be looking around him possibly for his mum, (which would be the natural conculusion from “are you looking for your mum”) I’d point her out, he clearly saw you together earlier. I would have no issue with it.

Why? Because that’s all he did. He asked your kid if what he was doing was looking for uou and then pointed you out, as you had just walked away. I’d probably have done the same thing.

brasty · 30/10/2017 12:24

I know many women are like this because it is men largely who abuse children. So being cautious makes sense.

But my DP tends to notice far more than me if a child is wandering around looking lost, and in this case would point out his mum. I suspect like poster above, this is because of his job.

Orlandointhewilderness · 30/10/2017 12:31

For goodness sake. This is getting ridiculous! Poor guy was just being helpful.

frogsoup · 30/10/2017 12:46

Honestly, my spidey senses are the first to tingle but this seems 100% non-creepy and normal!!! Actively nice, in fact. Some men are! I always worry as my ddad loves kids and insists on chatting to any that are around. He's from a different generation that just can't see the problem. It kills me to think people must be thinking he's a creepy old man when he is absolutely nothing of the sort.