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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Curious child unisex swimming changing room

31 replies

sirenseista · 23/10/2017 15:05

Hey there didn't really know where to post this.

I don't have any children, nor wish to and tend to avoid going to swimming pools like Saturdays when families are there. However, due to finishing late at uni on Friday I had no choice but to go on Saturday.

All went fine swimming until I was getting changed. Outside the was this mother and daughter (I think she was around 8 or 9) getting changed either side of me. The girl looked at me in a curious way, but I just ignored and carried on with getting changed. The facilities are unisex with cubicals, but the panels didn't go fully to the floor.

Whilst I was starkers with my leg up on the bench I noticed the girls eyes peering from underneath the cubical door. I said loudly "do you mind not peering at me?!?", but the parent the otherside did catch on.

I am not ashamed about my body as I am Dutch and quite used to going to nudest camps with my family.

Would I have been unreasonable to have said something to the parent?

OP posts:

PinkHeart5914 · 23/10/2017 15:07

No you wouldn’t of been unreasonable to say something. It’s more than ok not to want some child looking under the cubicle to see you naked, I mean who would want that?

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2017 15:08

If she kept doing it after you said do you mind, than I would have a word with the mother.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 23/10/2017 15:11

Just got to ask - do you think it was a transgender shild, you know one with a penis, that might be invading womens changing rooms?

You have to ask the ridiculous these days.

I thought I'd pre-empt the drip feed.

Seriously, you have to ask if peering under cubicles is inapproriate, irrespective of where you have your fajitas placed?

Glumglowworm · 23/10/2017 15:18

Yanbu to say something, peering under cubicles is unacceptable behaviour

She probably thought she was next to her mum though and had a shock when she realised it wasn't

Original poster

sirenseista · 23/10/2017 15:19

The child is female, as I am. I wish I did mention to the mother, but then again very difficult to do it decretly in an open changing room. Also, I am not the most confident confronting parents about their kids.

I really will avoid going there on weekends now.

OP posts:

Original poster

sirenseista · 23/10/2017 15:21

Glum - The child knew I was next to her and knew what she was doing.

OP posts:

ProudAS · 23/10/2017 15:23

That behaviour isn't on. I think you should have said something.

prettypaws · 23/10/2017 15:25

What has unisex got to do with anything? Looking into someone else's private cubicle is inappropriate regardless.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 23/10/2017 15:25

Did the child stop looking at you when you asked her to?
If so, I don't think it's such a big deal.

poppl · 23/10/2017 15:25

I’m normal for kids to be curious but no, peering underneath isn’t on.

You spoke to the child and she stopped, that’s fine I think. No need to overegg it.

Ifearthecold · 23/10/2017 15:26

If you were in the middle cubicle between mum and dd my guess is that dd was just trying to communicate with mum and wasn't that bothered by you either way. I have had to tell my DC that they can't look under cubicles checking for me in the past. It's fine to say something if it bothered you but I doubt there was much to it, some small kids tend not to do discrete unless prompted by adults.

Original poster

sirenseista · 23/10/2017 15:28

What's a dd?

Yea the stopped looking.. Embarrassed she was caught I guess.

OP posts:

OneMoreTune · 23/10/2017 15:32

That’s rude behaviour and I wouldn’t say it’s usual. I have dcs and if we ever go into anywhere communal like that they are under strict instructions to mind their own business. I also talk to them outside if the situation for example in a general conversation I’d talk about how people don’t like being stared at or have anything personal pointed out about them. And if they have any questions to wait until the subject is not in hearing. It’s basic good manners and consideration.

In your situation I might have said “I’d be happy if you wouldn’t mind moving your little one away from looking under my cubicle”. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing, I’d start nicely and assume the parent would co-operate and reprimand the child.

If they didn’t... then I would be very direct about it. I’d likely say “it’s pretty rude to let your child look under changing cubicles. You need to put a stop to it”. And so on.

Original poster

sirenseista · 23/10/2017 15:38

If your old enough to get changed on your own in a cubical, then surely you should know about respecting someone's privacy?

Also this girl wasn't a "little one.

OP posts:

QuimReaper · 23/10/2017 15:41

This exact thing happened to me in the loos at the swimming pool, I was wriggling back into my costume and a little face appeared under the cubicle wall, but it was a little boy. I scolded him when I came out and he looked a bit shamefaced. His mother looked a bit bemused but apologised as well. I was a bit shocked and annoyed but it was no drama really, he was just being a kid.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/10/2017 15:42

That's a bit weird.
I'd have had troubles talking to her mother about it too though, I think.
I don't think it's polite to stare at other people at all, so she was rude, and it's rather creepy that she was actively looking under your cubicle door to watch you.

My younger son (DS2) still comes into the female changing rooms as he's only just 5. I still don't let him stare at the ladies getting changed in there, and never have! There aren't any cubicles, apart from the toilets, it's just one open room so there's not a lot of privacy - but that still doesn't mean he should just get to stare at them.

QuimReaper · 23/10/2017 15:42

(This kid was about 4 or 5 though, rather than 8 or 9.)

Sleepyblueocean · 23/10/2017 15:43

The girl possibility wasn't as old as you thought she was.

user1495832265 · 23/10/2017 15:44

What is the relevance of the 'unisex' mention in the thread title?

QuimReaper · 23/10/2017 15:45

I was wondering about the unisex thing too.

PandorasXbox · 23/10/2017 15:46

I wonder if her mum saw her? She shouldn’t be doing that.

Ttbb · 23/10/2017 15:49

8 is way too old to behave that way. YWNBU to have mentioned it to me.

Original poster

sirenseista · 23/10/2017 15:51

I mentioned unisex because that is the description of the facilities? A unisex changing room. I'd rather have gendered ones, but that is another thread in itself.

Her mum knew which cubical she was in as she asked if she was alright and that she was waiting outside for her.

OP posts:

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/10/2017 15:53

I would have wrapped my towel around me and opened the door, asked the child where their parent was, knocked on their cubicle door and said to the parent "I'm getting changed and your child was looking under my cubicle door. Please look after your child so that they don't do that again", then return to my cubicle and continue getting dry and changed. That or spoken quite loudly "Could the parent of a child peering under cubicle doors please look after their child!"

Ameliablue · 23/10/2017 15:54

8 or 9 is still pretty young, if she stopped looking when you asked then nothing more needs to be said.

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