AIBU to think this wedding might not happen!?

[weddingcrasher29]

Name changed as massively outing. My cousin recently got engaged to her DF and they are marrying in September 2018. They've booked the venue, caterers etc. All deposits have been paid by her.

My aunt wants us to book a coach and hotel as they are marrying around 400 miles away in the UK (where cousin is originally from). It would be around £150 for our family.

Here's the AIBU- he's still legally married to someone else. He left his wife for my cousin 14 months ago cousin and DF have a 6 month old baby which was the catalyst and he has very little contact with wife who is doing everything she can to stop contact with their 2.5 year old daughter. It's unlikely she would make the divorce process easy for him to marry the OW and he hasn't even sent the paperwork off to the courts yet as my cousin says he can't afford it. I wouldn't be surprised if he just did a runner but that's another issue and not really my business; she loves him

I don't want to shell out money for a wedding that might not even legally be allowed to happen- that's not unreasonable is it!?!

Because engagement is actually a legal contract

No it isn't, this isn't Tudor England

And common law wife means diddly squat. I hope OP didn't waste money on a present.

oh my OP - that's a good update!

Have you paid anything out yet? I'd put money on if the 'non-religious blessing' happens, he never gets round to doing the legal wedding because 'it's just a bit of paper' and 'our ceremony was real to us'...

Really hope you haven't booked anything. I wouldn't bother with this non-event and if it meant falling out with this stupid cousin it's not big loss. Don't waste a penny on this pair of fools.

My brother just had a 20k "wedding" which had a humanist minister because his "bride" is still married and her divorce wont be final until middle of next year. We all had to suck it up and pretend to be happy for them while waiting for the husband to crash the reception. It was downright bizarre. They call each other husband and wife and she changed her surname on facebook to his 30 minutes after the "ceremony" and tagged us all as her in laws.

I've nothing really to add but to sympathise. We weren't sure it would be able to go ahead but it did and relatives and friends who weren't aware of the real situation handed over thousands of euro as gifts. Someone putting to others to expense like that is just ridiculous. If you can afford it go, but if you can leave booking until closer to the time.

I'd have outed them, Van.

Where is the location? Could it just become a fabulous big extended family group holiday if the wedding doesn't come off?

He could at least get divorced first.......before booking another wedding
Perhaps he's hoping the solicitors will be offering a BOGOF deal!

"We understand that finalising numbers is important to you while planning your wedding, but to avoid unnecessary stress we'd prefer to wait until the Groom can confirm his place before we confirm our own."

Please?

Seriously you cant book a wedding when the guy is married to someone else. Could take 5 years to divorce and im igoring the favt he was unfaithful so highly likely he repeat. Those poor children involved in this!

Gosh how crazy.

Are you the poster whose Best Mate's DH had an affair with your young cousin and she was pregnant? Or is there more than one of these messy situations on MN?

I really wouldn't book anything but good luck {flowers]

Expat I did say it to a couple of my in laws on the quiet not to hand over a load of money as gifts, it wouldnt be expected (it was though). My parents were totally stressed over the wedding and my mams blood pressure was high enough without outing them to everyone. All the older relatives took it at face value and were very generous. I felt terrible. They looked for cash gifts which I refused to give. Got them a small present instead, they have very little outgoings and way more disposable income than us. It was a relief when it was all over tbh

I wonder why anyone who has such little regard for marriage would bother getting married. Both these two seem to think it nothing at all. I can’t imagine standing saying fake vows in a fake wedding to someone who was married to someone else. But then I can’t imagine shagging someone’s husband whilst his wife and young child are waiting for him either. These two deserve each other.

Did you book accommodation?

Good lord, is your cousin nuts? What on earth is she thinking of, organising and paying for a wedding wth someone, who hasn't even started his divorce process from another woman! It's all too much, too soon, especially having a baby with him.
If you agree to go to the wedding, at least book a hotel, that allows last minute cancellation!

It took me almost 7 years to get divorced he may be in for a long wait

Took me 4.5 years to get my divorce after 10 years married, no property, money or children involved, so theoretically a 'simple divorce'. ExH complied initially and then wouldn't sign anything. My grounds were unreasonable behaviour - in the end the judge granted the decree nisi after my ExH stopped responding to his own solicitor. The judge cited this as proof absolute that ExH was indeed unreasonable.

There is no way in hell he's going to be free to marry for years - I wouldn't book anything this side of 2028! Why would any of you want to waste time, never mind money on this looser?

notasinglefucktogive this is brilliant.

I know someone whose ex has just done this. Got remarried abroad on a destination holiday and claims not to have known a divorce isn't a divorce until you have the final bit of paper showing it is . He is a nasty piece of work though. If that wedding does go ahead you can bet it won't be his last. Your poor cousin.

Well, for some people, the legal bit of the ceremony isn't as big a deal as the 'wedding' - but I certainly wouldn;t be shelling out to attend this ceremony...

WTAF??

Oh dear, your cousin is going to be in for a nasty shock if she still blithely believes that a resistant ex is going to allow the divorce to go through in anything like time for her to get married to this man!
If the ex refuses to countenance the divorce (and to be fair, she well might, simply to put a spoke in his wheel!), he'll have to wait for 5 years before he can divorce her without her input.

I really wouldn't spend any money or thought on this - she's mad to be going ahead with this.

sorry if someone said it already i didnt think u coujld get a divroced until the 2 year separation mark and thats if both parties agree

Gabs, in Englandit depends how long you've been married. I vaguely remember my solicitor taking my wedding cert, and as I was married for more than two (?) years, I could go ahead without a waiting period.

Hope you haven't shelled out for anything OP. My guess is that the cousin wants to the him down so he doesn't do the same to her. Don't feel sorry for her at all.