AIBU to think this wedding might not happen!?

[weddingcrasher29]

Name changed as massively outing. My cousin recently got engaged to her DF and they are marrying in September 2018. They've booked the venue, caterers etc. All deposits have been paid by her.

My aunt wants us to book a coach and hotel as they are marrying around 400 miles away in the UK (where cousin is originally from). It would be around £150 for our family.

Here's the AIBU- he's still legally married to someone else. He left his wife for my cousin 14 months ago cousin and DF have a 6 month old baby which was the catalyst and he has very little contact with wife who is doing everything she can to stop contact with their 2.5 year old daughter. It's unlikely she would make the divorce process easy for him to marry the OW and he hasn't even sent the paperwork off to the courts yet as my cousin says he can't afford it. I wouldn't be surprised if he just did a runner but that's another issue and not really my business; she loves him

I don't want to shell out money for a wedding that might not even legally be allowed to happen- that's not unreasonable is it!?!

I know that MN is a broad church and everything, but surprised no one has commented that your cousin is marrying her father

If he wants to, with no contest he could be easily divorced by then. But will have to cite reasons. Other than that it's pretty straightforward generally - the legal process. But I imagine since it's not amicable there maybe a lot more to sort out.

@DorisDangleberry I suspect DF is Dear Fiancé!

A family member had to cancel a wedding that people had shelled out for and they had to take out a loan to pay everyone back (morally had to rather than legally!) I’m guessing a bloke this classy would do no such thing however..

I have to admit I’d pay it because I’m very non confrontational but you’re right to think it’s a big risk!

As said, why does she/they have the money for the deposits, but not £550 for a Divorce?

The ex-wife won't make this easy and why should she, on what grounds is he divorcing her?

I didn't think an engagement was a contract? Thought that was done away with donkey's years ago?

Birds - possibly because it might cost way more than a simple agreed divorce. I cannot believe OP's cousin is paying out deposits for a wedding while her H2B is still someone else's H. Like other posters I hope the cousin hasn't got a joint account with this man - or put his name on the deeds or whatever.

OP - hold tight onto your cash. Isn't booking a coach for 11 months away a bit previous? or do you get better deals?

My SIL had a situation like this. Got engaged, then a few months before the wedding her df announced he was actually already married but had no idea where his dw was/ if she'd make divorce easy. I can't remember how they sorted it, but they did, in time for wedding. They were divorced within a few months though! I'll try and find out how they did it.

While I usually like to get bookings done early, even I would tend to hold off until the registrar has been booked, which would require the presence of a divorce certificate.

Your delusional cousin may not listen to a bad word about him, but that does not mean you have to play along with this charade. You should also refuse to be pressured by your family to spend one red cent you're not comfortable with. You are under no obligation to go against your own better judgment in order to pacify other people.

Thought I'd update on this one after some drama last week!

1. Still no divorce.

1. They can't find a registrar who will agree to marry them (wedding is in 6.5 months) and this is everyone else's fault obviously

1. If no divorce they are going to have a 'non-religious blessing' wtf!? And then another 'real wedding' on their first anniversary.

But did you pay for the coach and hotel?!!!

Wtf 😱😱😱 this is crazy. He could at least get divorced first.......before booking another wedding

ZOMBIE THREAD...

However would be interested to know if it's still going ahead...?!

I'm not surprised they can't find a registrar given there's no decree absolute yet. Dh had to take his when we went to book our wedding.

We were together and had a child before Dh pursued his divorce so I don't think that aspect is unusual. Although we were quite prepared to have to wait for the 5 year separation if his ex decided not to go with the 2 year separation no fault divorce.

we also had the bare minimum time between booking marriage and the actual event - 4 weeks I think. Although something tells me 2 weeks, google says 28 days notice. We didn't have a huge affair though.

So; there is still time if her oh pulls his finger out and his ex goes for an uncontested divorce. Given there is a child of the marriage though...

I look forward to the update in 6 months. How are things apart from the lack of divorce, lack of registrar and overabundance of wedding guests?

Does a non-ceremony necessitate a present?

WineAndTiramisu

It is not a Zombie thread when the OP herself has resurrected it to give us an update. Actually read the posts, even if just from the OP, to see what is going on before crying Zombie!

I think an op update is ok on a zombie thread

ODFOD.

Bigamy on the cards here.

Of course they can't find someone to marry them when one of them's married already!

And a 'non-religious' blessing?

Oh OP, you poor thing. You probably can't get away with not planning to go, but book some theatre tickets in the city that weekend or something so it isn't actually a complete waste of time and money.

Wow!! That’s fairly spectacular. I assume some of the more honest less tactful members of the family have pointed out that the registrar thing is 100% not anyone elses’ fault?! Are they stil really planning to go ahead with this?!

Any impediment. LOL

😂😂 a non religious blessing then a real wedding on the first anniversary.... that is if they a) make it that far and b) he’s got the divorce by then. What a keeper.

Have you decided what you are going to do?

My ex husband tried to get remarried before our divorce was even started and told the registrar he was a bachelor. I found out (his Mum told me) and called the registrar to tell them that his wedding in 5 weeks time wasn’t going to be possible as we were still married with no divorce papers even issued.

That wedding was postponed and rebooked for a couple of months later. In the end we got divorced at 4pm on the Thursday and he remarried at 12pm on the Friday.

It’s always possible your cousins fiancée has told the same lie my ex husband did. Luckiky has all the information for our wedding to tell them as they wouldn’t even confirm they had a wedding booked in his name due to data protection

An engagement hasn't been legally binding since 1970.