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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this was inconsiderate and rude?

66 replies

yawning801 · 22/10/2017 12:36

We had some old friends over for dinner last night, for the first time in about fifteen years. When they arrived (fifteen minutes late!), they announced that the husband had a stinking cold! He spent the whole evening blowing his nose (LOUDLY) and sniffing. I've recently been in hospital, so the last thing I need is another cold.

AIBU to think that you should let someone know if you're ill so that you can work out whether to rearrange?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/10/2017 12:38

YANBU. I'd always say if one of us was ill in case the host wanted to reschedule.

Princecharlesfirstwife · 22/10/2017 12:39

15 minutes late is fine I'd have thought. And I wouldn't particularly worry about someone with a cold coming but I suppose that depends on what you were in hospital for (broken leg no issue; pneumonia perhaps a problem).

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:40

I wouldn't call a cold being ill. If everyone stayed home every time they had a cold, society would collapse every winter!

If it was a very bad one, maybe, or if I had known you had been in hospital. But in general you just get on with life with a common cold.

Moanyoldcow · 22/10/2017 12:42

15 minutes late is the right time to arrive as far as I'm concerned.

The cold though - YADNBU and I'd always give the host the option to cancel, especially as you were recently hospitalised.

araiwa · 22/10/2017 12:43

its a cold, not bubonic plague

McTufty · 22/10/2017 12:44

I get what you’re saying but equally if I’d spent ages preparing dinner for guests and they cancelled due to a cold I might think they were a bit rude and flakey.

Vanillamanilla1 · 22/10/2017 12:44

How precious Hmm
Nearly everyone in Britain has a cold around this time of year and I doubt you'd end up back in hospital because you've been in contact with someone who has a cold ... Unless you've had pneumonia ... ( cue drip feed )

My sons family all have colds and there are 7 of them living in the house ... I plan to still see them

Vanillamanilla1 · 22/10/2017 12:46

Also I work in London and spend 4 hours a day commuting .. I'm 100% positive ive rubbed bodies with someone with a cold at some point in my journey
Has have you no doubt on your travels
Unless you've not been near any human contact since coming out of hospital

HelloPossums · 22/10/2017 12:48

15 minutes late is the right time to arrive as far as I'm concerned.

Isn't it a bit rude? Isn't it best to arrive on time?

gamerchick · 22/10/2017 12:51

Personally I think it’s good manners to let your host know before hand if you’re bringing illness so they have a choice. Loads of illness being around isn’t the point.

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:51

No, correct etiquette is slightly after the given time.

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:51

Personally I think it’s good manners to let your host know before hand if you’re bringing illness

A cold wouldn't be considered illness to most people.

MissConductUS · 22/10/2017 12:52

I wouldn't call a cold being ill.

I'm a nurse practitioner and I disagree. Some are mild, some are quite severe and can run on for a week or more. Someone in the state that OP describes is actively shedding the virus and should avoid unnecessary contact with others.

It amazes me how some people don't quite believe in the existence of germs.

gamerchick · 22/10/2017 12:57

A cold wouldn't be considered illness to most people

Most? Really? I would like to think most people aren't selfish that they take their illnesses to other people’s houses without forewarning them.

I can see which camp you’re in Wink

Wightintheghoulies · 22/10/2017 12:57

Of course when out and about you can't help coming across people with colds. However it's really inconsiderate turning up to an 'unnecessary event' with germs. Out in public, I'd say there's less of a chance of spreading than in an enclosed, warm room with food being served. He could have prewarned, it wasn't 'must go to work' or just being around family, I'd not be impressed with a friend turning up all snotty at my house either.

Maybe I'm just biased though, I had a colleague turn up and sat next to me once, full of a stinking cold. I caught it and ended up with pneumonia. I think if you're not in a position to contain it, avoid being close to others at all reasonable cost.

greeeen · 22/10/2017 13:01

I also don't think of a cold as a big deal and wouldn't be concerned if someone came tô my house with one. However, if they knew that you have recently been in hospital for something that makes a cold more of a health risk then I would expect a heads up.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 22/10/2017 13:02

I wouldn't be bothered about either of those things, but if it was me I would have text to say we were running a bit late.

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2017 13:02

I wouldn't expect someone to cancel for a cold.

frogsoup · 22/10/2017 13:09

If someone cancelled dinner for a cold I'd be pretty put out!!! Unless you hibernate between october and march, you are not going to be avoiding cold viruses. If you were immunocompromised that's a different matter, but unless you are about to do major drip feeding...

IHeartDodo · 22/10/2017 13:10

Unless someone had a newborn or I knew they'd been in hospital I wouldn't cancel for a cold!
Did they know you'd been ill?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/10/2017 13:10

I would expect someone to cancel for a cold! Who the hell wants someone coughing and sneezing and spluttering all over your house when you know damn well you're going to be the same because of him?

Threenme · 22/10/2017 13:11

Everyone I know has a cold at the minute. The 15 mins late is a bit rude I suppose.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/10/2017 13:29

Many people have reasons for not wanting to catch colds. Many care for people, old and young, for whom a cold could be a death sentence. Currently living with that potential nightmare now, all because someone was inconsiderate with their germs. I actively avoid gems as much as I can.

Someoneasdumbasthis · 22/10/2017 13:30

Get. A. Grip.

gamerchick · 22/10/2017 13:30

You don’t cancel for a cold you let your host know you have one so they at least have a choice. There’s a difference.