to think that this was inconsiderate and rude?

[yawning801]

We had some old friends over for dinner last night, for the first time in about fifteen years. When they arrived (fifteen minutes late!), they announced that the husband had a stinking cold! He spent the whole evening blowing his nose (LOUDLY) and sniffing. I've recently been in hospital, so the last thing I need is another cold.

AIBU to think that you should let someone know if you're ill so that you can work out whether to rearrange?

Many care for people, old and young, for whom a cold could be a death sentence

I don't think many is the word there, but if a common cold is potential death in your house, you don't ask all and sundry to dinner. And if you do you ask them if they have a cold.

Lets not apply an extreme condition to the vast majority of people, hey? I know it's standard MN fare to jump right to it but it doesn't actually apply here.

A cold wouldn't be considered illness to most people
Most? Really? I would like to think most people aren't selfish that they take their illnesses to other people’s houses without forewarning them

I don't think you followed. If they don't consider it an illness, how are they bringing their illness to other peoples houses?

Do people actually consider a cold to be an illness? How....delicate.

Elderly people are at a heightened risk of complications from simple colds and many people do care for elderly family members. Ditto people in contact with people undergoing cancer treatment and some other similar treatments. It's more common than you think.

It's extremely rude to turn up with a cold in my book. The polite thing to do is to inform hosts if you are ill.

I wouldn't consider that late tbh. As for the cold, if it was a bad one I would probably have warned the host to see what they thought, or perhaps left the husband at home! I wouldn't automatically cancel though.

The polite thing to do is to inform hosts if you are ill

If you don't consider yourself to be ill, why would you inform your hosts that you are?

Am I speaking Swahili?

Yeah you’re right in the selfish camp fosure .

You're in the arrogant and rude camp.

Aw right in the feels man

Am I speaking Swahili?

Er, I'm not sure what you are speaking to be honest. I also suspect you don't get many dinner invites to have to worry about colds anyway.

If I had a cold I'd ring and tell the hosts. hopefully the hosts would say "oh no problems it's only a cold if you still feel up for it you're most welcome." But if they said: "oh, would you mind leaving it then as I'm just out of hospital," I wouldn't be at all offended. It isn't rocket science is it?

I get loads, thanks for the concern.

It depends what stage a cold is in. If someone is in the full blown sneezing and runny nose stage then I'd rather avoid their company if possible- and would hold myself to the same rule! But if someone is getting over a cold or has mild/ unobtrusive symptoms then fair enough.
Having said that, as a host it would be a bit awkward to have to say to people: 'We'd prefer if you didn't come'... so I guess I would be a bit hamstrung about what to do

Depends what you where in hospital for. Did they know you'd just been in hospital.

I would of in the past said YABU it's a cold but since bringing baby DS home on oxygen I'm very much aware a cold isn't just a cold for some people.

Not unreasonable at all to expect someone with a cold to keep it to themselves. Ok if you have to go to work with a cold because there’s no one else to do your job, but social occasions mean you can cancel on the day. You don’t suddenly get a cold an hour before the time.

Colds are miserable and I’m still coughing 2 weeks later from a very average cold.

I have a very low immunity and have recently come home from hospital, where I was treated for septicemia and septic shock. I completely agree that it was rude to turn up absolutely full of the cold like that! If I catch a cold, it goes straight into a severe chest infection/ bronchitis and that is the last thing that I need!! My parents and siblings know not to visit me when they are full of the cold/ flu/ stomach bug! If only everyone would be so thoughtful!

My parents invited friends over around hogmanay and they turned up despite the man having full blown norovirus. He thoughtfully shared it with my Mother, Father and one of my brothers!! My parents asked why they didn't phone to cancel and were told 'oh we were really looking forward to it!'. My Mother is an insulin dependent diabetic, norovirus is dangerous for her and she was lucky not to be hospitalised!

If I have a bad cold (not just a minor sniffle) I’ll always phone ahead and check the host still wants me to come. I’d be expecting them to say it’s fine but I wouldn’t be offended if they said no, either.

15 minutes late is late.

I wouldn’t go to dinner at someone’s house with a child

A cold not a child lol

I would prefer not to be in the company of a person with a streaming cold. If the cold is on its way out, they are still coughing a bit, odd sniffle fine, but I really don't want to have to work feeling ill myself for a week or two or help the children go to school with stinking colds either.

I believe that you can prevent colds by keeping away from people sniffling (not away away just don't hug them or go near them unless you have to) and washing your hands a lot. I'm often around people with colds at work, but only briefly- dinner is slightly closer than I'd rather be...

As for people with the norovirus being out and about- this is the height of selfishness, it's very hard to contain a norovirus, much harder than a cold and also they may not seem ill to alert you to their problem. I would be very very cross with someone who comes round too soon with the norovirus, I didn't get it with the last bout but one child did and they were off school for a few days (I anti-bacc'ed all door knobs/light switches etc and managed to contain it).

It would not occur to me to cancel because of a cold. If I was hosting and someone cancelled because of a cold, I would be annoyed.

Also it’s a dinner party, not a doctors appointment. 15 minutes “late” is nothing! Do you want your guests to feel relaxed or like they are rushing around trying to get there for a precise time?

It would depend why you'd been in hospital.

Compromised immune system - yes, they should have called.

These days I do tend to offer to cancel social meetups if I have a cold or sore throat - you never know who may be wanting to avoid them for a particular reason - because they're particularly susceptible to infection, have relations who are immuno suppressed, about to visit a new baby, about to have surgery or whatever. I also try to avoid shaking hands with people when I have a cold, for the same reason.

I was annoyed at the "lateness" because we had food on the go, expecting them to be here at a specific time, so that we could serve it promptly. And I have been in hospital for major back surgery x2, in one of which they deflated a lung, so the last thing I really want is a cold to bung me up.

(They did know this, BTW.)

Thanks for all the opinions!

If you'd put that in your original post you would have had hugely different opinions