Work colleague revealed my pregnancy

[dazedandconfuse]

So I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant, I haven't told work yet for various reasons. I have also told hardly any family members, haven't told any friends etc. I'm not really showing at all (at least I didn't think I was) and I haven't done anything at work to make anyone think I'm pregnant. E.g called in sick or anything, or let on AT ALL that I'm pregnant.

Anyway there's a woman at work who doesn't like me too much (you know when YOU know) and she, today, in front of all my work colleagues exclaimed "YOURE PREGNANT ARENT YOU" I was so fcking shocked. I was just like um yeah... and she responded "I was going to say something last week but I wasn't sure because your tummy is getting bigger but your boobs aren't" i am completely mortified this happened. I have no idea how she knew (I wear a baggy work top, been wearing tight fighting t shirts around family and they had NO IDEA) was she just saying it to be spiteful and it backfired because I'm actually pregnant??? I've honestly never been so fucking mortified in my life. In fact I've actually lost two stone since getting pregnant. F*cking morti fucking fied

🤔

I thinks it’s hard to lie or think of a clever answer when you’re caught off guard and not expecting the question especially as you’re probably feeling self conscious or feeling like rubbish.

Haven't spoken to anyone about it yet, it really got me down today though everyone kept asking me Qs about the pregnancy and I haven't even told a lot of my family members yet so to be discussing it with people I've only worked with for a few weeks was pretty shit :(

And I had to pretend to be all jolly and nice because it was easier than saying "look I really don't want to talk about this now, most of my family doesn't even know"

So very awkward.
Would speak to my manager about it but some of the responses on here make me feel like it'll be a waste of time and I don't want to make for an even more uncomfortable work environment.

thanks a lot everyone who responded kindly though it makes me feel much better knowing I was rightfully stressed out about her weird ass remarks and asking me a Q that she really shouldn't have. Luckily I don't have to see the woman or any other people from work til next Saturday... so at least have a chance to tell my family I suppose

I'm also still at a complete loss as to how she knew I was pregnant because I literally haven't told anyone apart from my mum, the baby's dad and my sister. My mum reckons she said it to be spiteful and just to say I was fat but it completely backfired because I am actually pregnant... who tf knows.

All I know is it's very odd a woman I only spend a couple of hours a week with noticed my not at all preggo belly through a baggy work t shirt and my family and friends didn't notice through my tight fitted clothes/notice anything untoward about my behaviour the last 15 weeks to suggest I'm pregnant. MADNESS (sorry for all the essays)

dazed

she took a punt on the 50/50 chance you were pregnant and sadly for you she was right. But either way she forced you to reveal private information that nobody should feel they have the right to enveigel from you hence that's why I'd consider a word in the ear of HR.

A not dissimilar thing happened to me when I was 10w pregnant, someone going "OH MY GOD YOURE PREGNANT" to everyone within earshot.

I lost the baby at 11w and beacuse of her had to explain why I wasn't pregnant anymore to many more folk than I wanted to.

If I ever see that lassie again I'd gladly slap her silly face.

How horrible for you, and how unpleasant of her.

In my 1st pregnancy I wasn't showing at all, but had been off with pregnancy-related problems. When I returned I was in a meeting with externals where I was put in a position where I had to inform them I was pregnant. I explained that my own team hadn't been told, and could they please keep it to themselves so I could tell them. Went into work the next week and 2 colleagues came up to say the other lot had told them. I was pretty upset.

I also had one contact guess because of the way I was walking, and a friend who was a gynae guessed just from seeing me walk down the street. This was at 6 weeks or so!

One colleague was outed as pregnant by a boss who helpfully explained her 'tits' had got bigger.

Please do speak to your manager. Follow it up with an email along these lines - make sure you keep everything factual, don’t use emotional words.

“Dear boss,

Thank you for your time today, I just wanted to follow up what we spoke about with an email.

On xxxx, in the office, x approached me and in front of x other people said ‘xxxxx’.

I found this inappropriate for the following reasons:

1. Comments on my breasts and stomach in front of other colleagues. This is not appropriate in the workplace.
2. I was placed in a situation where I felt I was forced to reveal my pregnancy. Obviously this is something I wanted to do through the correct channels and via you and HR, not via office gossip.

As I’m sure you can appreciate I have found this unpleasant and unprofessional and it has placed me in a position where he whole office is party to news I would prefer to have kept private for longer.

Yours etc...”

Good luck with your pregnancy. From now on you tell the office and this woman nothing AT ALL. No details from them, keep your professional head on and show them how to behave.

Incidentally, as a manager I would be appalled if this happened in my team and I would be having a word for sure. So please do speak to them. They may not do anything but it’s vitally important that you have a paper trail (the email follow up.)

the woman you work with overstepped boundaries- take that a read.

But she didn't 'revel' your pregnancy - she asked a question and you responded 'yes', mainly because you were put on the spot. Where as I would normally say a pregnancy is a perfectly normal condition , for the purposes of this it is a medical condition and she had no right to keep probing.

You need to go to your manager and say that (a) she is entirely inappropriate - the boobs comment for starters. (b) that she is invading your privacy - family don't know (c) you simply don't want to discuss it with all and sundry.

I wouldn't worry about making it an uncomfortable environment - you're not the one commenting on your co-workers body. Your boss and HR should be made aware, regardless of pregnancy.

I was recently quite abrupt with a colleague who demanded to know when I was having babies, and when I followed up more gently with a message about how it really is sensitive information, she honestly had no clue. She's 43.

I haven't even told people I'm engaged at work, because quite honestly they're mostly tedious fuckers who would spoil it for me with inane and frequently sexist questions.