Work colleague revealed my pregnancy

[dazedandconfuse]

So I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant, I haven't told work yet for various reasons. I have also told hardly any family members, haven't told any friends etc. I'm not really showing at all (at least I didn't think I was) and I haven't done anything at work to make anyone think I'm pregnant. E.g called in sick or anything, or let on AT ALL that I'm pregnant.

Anyway there's a woman at work who doesn't like me too much (you know when YOU know) and she, today, in front of all my work colleagues exclaimed "YOURE PREGNANT ARENT YOU" I was so fcking shocked. I was just like um yeah... and she responded "I was going to say something last week but I wasn't sure because your tummy is getting bigger but your boobs aren't" i am completely mortified this happened. I have no idea how she knew (I wear a baggy work top, been wearing tight fighting t shirts around family and they had NO IDEA) was she just saying it to be spiteful and it backfired because I'm actually pregnant??? I've honestly never been so fucking mortified in my life. In fact I've actually lost two stone since getting pregnant. F*cking morti fucking fied

Not something to mention in a loud voice in front of others and so complain. If your work colleague had quietly asked and if told had kept it to herself, then OK I think.

Sorry but I don't understand why you (and others in similar situations) felt you had to answer with yes/no. Instead of... "Was that a joke or are you trying to get disciplined by HR?"

That's quite an aggressive post to a valid question - I was also wondering why you posted a pic, we don't know if you're gaining weight based on one pic!

I think you are a bit hormonal after that response but that's natural. It gets worse towards the end, ime anyway!

Fwiw someone asked me,loudly, if I was Pg as I kept being sick, I said yes,and told work a bit sooner than I wanted but it was all fine.

I would definitely make a complaint to your boss about her inappropriate personal comments.

Shifty - HR do not generally instigate disciplinaries and a decent one wouldn't recommend disciplinary in this case anyway, would be a total overreaction.

Actually we 'knew' a colleague was oh before she told us!

None of us said anything though as that's just not on!

Oh OP what a nasty piece of work that woman is! She was blatantly trying to say you look fat (maybe jealous of your weight loss?!) and it backfired. I would def consider complaining about her as she made some very personal comments about your appearance and forced you to make your pregnancy public. Totally unacceptable.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Most of the responses you've had have been the ones you've wanted so no need to get stroppy.
As (a few) have said, though she apparently did it in a weird standing and blurting out kind if way, she didn't reveal it, she asked you and you confirmed it.
The only HR issue is that you've only just started a job and not let them know that you were pregnant when you started. You're under no obligation to do so unless it specifies in your contract that you are, of course but at 15 weeks it would have been courteous.

realwoman, I didn't say they instigated it did I. But if someone raises a grievance, it is generally handled through Hr.

But it would be a rather aggressive way to reply, don't you think? Plus if she said it in front of a group, anyone and everyone in that group could raise a grievance about it.

Feel free to post a better comeback though.

Apologies, I thought with you saying "disciplined by hr" that you meant, well, disciplined by hr, meaning hr do the whole process. Which of course they don't they just advise the managers on the process and that's all they have to do with it.

I'm confused with what you're saying about aggressive replies so cant respond to that point. But yes of course anyone culd raise a greivance if they wanted to, obviously!

Some people know. My colleague knew before i knew.

Re that colleague...complain to hr, line manager as how she did it could be viewed as low level bullying.

Congratulations x

I’d be LIVID! Have a word with HR not least in case your job is now ‘unsafe’ as you’re so new and pregnant iyswim
Good luck and hope your new company behave appropriately with the news

She was wrong to put you on the spot, but it's not a disciplinary offence.

Sometimes you can just tell, although in most circumstances it shouldn't be mentioned in case someone has just had a big dinner.

OP there are a couple of nasty comments on here - please ignore them! That woman was 100% in the wrong. It's an unwritten rule that you don't ask someone if they're pregnant for all sorts of reasons. She was clearly just trying to stir and I would stay well away from her in future if you can. Congratulations by the way! 😊

wow, that is awful. I would speak to HR. And put it on record that you haven't been rushing away from your desk, calling in sick, acting any differently......

I remember when I was at work, a woman I thought of as 'older' (than me) who had no children herself and could for all I know have been through ten rounds of unsuccessful IVF asked me in front of a bunch of people ''was it planned?'' and I felt like whichever answer I gave it would be shameful as I wasn't married. I should have complained.

If she's only known you four weeks I think she must have seen something on fb. Have you liked or joined any groups relating to pregnancy which are open

She sounds like an utter bitch OP!! Pregnant or not, she should NOT be commenting on your appearance like that and especially in front of other colleagues. The fact that she then inadvertently announced your pregnancy when you weren't ready to do so makes the situation even worse. I would be absolutely LIVID!

She sounds both observant and bitchy. I would take it any further with her or HR, don't engage with it at all. Talk to your manager and plan any adjustments you may need. Many pregnancys are outed at work mine was. It's not something that can be hidden forever.

She was rude and out of order. I would be most unhappy if I'd been asked the same question. Congratulations anyway!

Sorry would NOT

Whether you think a colleague is pregnant or not is irrelevant. I’ve been sure colleagues are, and always been right. I’d not dream of even mentioning it until I was told. You do NOT comment on:

1. A coworker’s boobs. Ever.
2. The size of a coworker’s stomach
3. The possibility or not of them being pregnant

At work. You just don’t. Massively, highly unprofessional.

Op, I know you were put on the spot and this is NOT a criticism - I’d have blank-faced her and done a ‘how very unprofessional’ response. You didn’t have to reveal your pregnancy although I do understand you were put in a dreadful position.

It’s really bad she did this to you. Please do discuss it with your manager. You need to raise that she commented on your body and breasts in front of others. That she put you in a very uncomfortable and unprofessional situation and you felt forced to reveal a pregnancy before you wanted to, and that you would have preferred to disclose this to HR and your line manager first to make sure proper procedure was followed.

Surely you can complain to HR about this.... It's kind of a form of sexual harassment, isn't it?

Not sure about it being sexual harassment as the context wasn't of a sexual nature. Still not on though to make comments like that if it made op uncomfortable.

I agree with anatidae's post. You were put in a really awkward position. And stunned by the woman's rudeness! Personal comments like that in front of others is really awful behaviour.

Glitter "She was wrong to put you on the spot, but it's not a disciplinary offence"

not sure what you mean by disciplinary, but surely you think it's worth HR having a chat with her about obtaining a brain what is and isn't appropriate to say/ask at work?