Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel guilty about man kicked out of pub?

73 replies

sailorcherries · 21/10/2017 22:09

Disclaimer - I'm drunk.

I've been out with family and friends (women only) for a birthday, drinking since 3pm (so this may have clouded my judgement).

I'm 24 and my sister is 21. Since we arrived a man had been trying to dance with my sister, despite her not wanting to or engaging. He was grabbing her hips etc.

Later on he grabbed her and kisses her cheek, despite her not wanting this, and then kept pulling her hair whilst she was dancing.

Now this mab was about 60 odds and my sister was not reciprocating his advances.

We stood outside the bar for air (sister and me) and she mentioned the hair pulling. Until this time I had no idea. The bouncer overheard and was furious! He asked mely sister to point him out and she didn't want to (out of fear of repercussions). My sister then went inside and the bouncer spoke to me and I pointed out this man after his behaviour. The bouncer then removed him from the bar due to his inappropriate advances and behaviour.

My sister was a bit embarrassed about the whole ordeal and annoyed with me for getting the man removed. Aibu for speaking to the bouncer and describing this mans inappropriate actions which resulted in him being removed from the bar?

OP posts:
charmedrose · 21/10/2017 22:14

No i don't think you were. The man was a nuisance.

StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2017 22:16

Why on earth would you be? And what does him beibg 60 have to do with it

AnyFucker · 21/10/2017 22:17

Correct outcome

And well done that bouncer

Freshprincess · 21/10/2017 22:19

You and the bouncer did the right thing. Your sister has nothing to be embarrassed about.

Wolfiefan · 21/10/2017 22:19

Couldn't give a shiny shit about his age. If he had been the hottest teen in the universe he would still have been a complete shit and a sex pest.
No guilt.

PandorasXbox · 21/10/2017 22:20

Yanbu he sounds like a right creep.

YouTheCat · 21/10/2017 22:21

Good on that bouncer for not putting up with this shit.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 21/10/2017 22:23

Stealth the age was more to do with the age gap. This wasn't a mid twenties who my sister was dancing with who aced his hands somewhere inappropriately. This was a man older than our father completely taking advantage. He was 40+ years older and thought it was appropriate to do this out of the blue.

OP posts:
Original poster
sailorcherries · 21/10/2017 22:24

I was so impressed with the no nonsense attitude and tried to explain about sexual harassment but she was mortified.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/10/2017 22:25

Surely you must know YANBU?

RavenclawRealist · 21/10/2017 22:25

Another voice in support of you and applauding the bouncer! No one should be hassled like that! You and the bouncer did the right thing!

Wolfiefan · 21/10/2017 22:26

So it would be ok for a 20 something year old to grope a woman if they weren't interested?!

Bumbledumb · 21/10/2017 22:31

The only unreasonable action was waiting for so long before bringing him to the attention of the bouncer. He should have been chucked out much earlier.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 21/10/2017 22:31

Wolfie no but if my sister had been dancing with him and he held on to her hips or tried to grab her attention afterwards I wouldn't be annoyed until he overstepped the mark. This was a man who overstepped right from the off.

OP posts:
Original poster
sailorcherries · 21/10/2017 22:35

Bumble I wasn't aware until we were talking really and found out the extent. He tried his shit while I was there and then backed off after the look I gave him

OP posts:
NoKidsTwoCats · 21/10/2017 22:37

Why should anyone get away with what is basically sexual harassment? Yanbu. Maybe he'll think twice about being a pest next time.

letsdolunch321 · 21/10/2017 22:38

End of the day, if a person is not interested that should be the end of it. No one ..... male or female goes out to be hassled by the opposite sex !!!

NoKidsTwoCats · 21/10/2017 22:39

To add: his age here is irrelevant. Unwanted physical contact, repeated advances, hip and hair grabbing wouldn't be acceptable if he was 20 either. The man sounds like a sex pest/nuisance.

IHeartDodo · 21/10/2017 22:41

Good for the bouncer, you should have got him out straight away!

Wolfiefan · 21/10/2017 22:41

So why mention his age? What's important is that he's a sex pest. Not that he's about 60 and a sex pest. Unwelcome attention is unwelcome. It doesn't matter how old the person is.

64BooLane · 21/10/2017 22:42

Ywnbu.

I guess your sister’s annoyance/mortification may be rooted in the fact women are socialised not to “make a fuss”, “overreact”, etc. in response to inappropriate sexual behaviour. There’s huge pressure to be the “cool girl” who doesn’t let that kind of thing bother her at all.

nameusername · 21/10/2017 22:46

Of course not. You've just saved potential victims from his unwanted advances. Kudos to the bouncer for being on the ball. I'm sure there's CCTV if they need confirmation that they get the right person.

GabsAlot · 21/10/2017 22:48

a shame your sis is annoyd at yo but not at the man sexually harrasing her

of course yanbu

JonSnowsWife · 21/10/2017 22:49

I used to work in a nightclub many years ago.

If I felt bad about every one we'd got chucked out when we expressed concerns to bouncers I'd feel eternally guilty and the bouncers would have been bored out of their brains for most of it Wink

Of course YANBU.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 21/10/2017 22:50

His age was relevant because my sister would, in no way, have wanted to make any connection with him.

Whereas someone her own age she may have danced with, touched her hips while dancing, talked to ans flirted with. No that sny unwelcome advances would be dismissed but my sister may not have felt uncomfortable with certain things had he been in her age range and someone she may look at as a potential partner.

With someone older that aspect of flirting, dating and sexual contant did not cross her mind.

I could be annoyed with a man of 20 trying to dance with her and so on but if she were comfortable then so be it. However, at an age older than our father, it didn't matter about the personality she didn't want this.

Had he been 20 and making inappropriate advances I'd have mentioned age to.

OP posts: