Dh always says he grew up poor. I’m sceptical.

[CredulousThickos]

He bases this on the fact they had a black and white telly until he was a teenager, no phone until he was 15, they never had a car and they went to the Isle of Wight on the train for their holidays.

He says I grew up rich because we had two tellies (one was black and white though!), a phone, two cars at times and a home computer. Oh and we went to France twice.

I reckon he’s barking. Our dads both had very similar jobs and bought their (very similar) houses for tuppence but then struggled through 15% mortgage rates. We both had piano lessons. Both wore handmade or hand me down clothes and never had Nike trainers or a Mr Frosty. Both families of five.

His parents are now minted (inheritance) and other than a few nice holidays a year they still live very frugally. Same for mine although they eat out a lot too and do have the latest things, Sky, big tv etc. ILs still have an old CRT tv and a video recorder.

So my theory is that they are just frugal people who don’t put any importance on technology or ‘things’, and that his tales of abject poverty are flights of fancy.

The funny part is, when we met he had a flat furnished with stuff he’d been given (most of it went in a skip when I moved in, I’m not kidding when I say it was grim, the sofa was falling apart). He didn’t have a landline or a pc and his mobile was a Nokia Brick (this was only 11 yers ago). He wasn’t poor at all. So his theory holds no water.

He won’t have it though. And he says I’m seeing it from my ivory tower of a privileged upbringing.

WIBU to ask his mum at Sunday lunch tomorrow?

(Lighthearted obviously before you all roast me).

If you think you grew up either poor or wealthy, what were the signifiers? Because IMO we both grew up in relative comfort.

Does anyone else on this thread find that they just don't tell people in RL about what it was like/is like being poor?

You see, I think there is still so much anti-poor people feeling. And you do come across dicks who mask their discomfort with that shit Monty Python sketch.

It's a form of silencing, I think.

I think I grew up poor.

We rented a black and white telly. We hid on the floor when the man came for the money.
We got one set of new clothes a year. I had to finish out two weeks of the school year wearing shoes that had a nail coming through the sole.
There were days when there was absolutely no food in the house. I remember my brother and I being home alone one day trying to decide what we could make to eat out of one onion and one tomato.
I'm 54. I've had 3 birthday cakes in my entire life.
Every Christmas Eve my brothers and I went to bed thinking there would be no Christmas. It came but we got socks, underwear and toiletries.
We never went anywhere during the school holidays. Ever.
We wore as much to bed at night as we wore during the day in winter, it was that cold in the house.
Never had Easter eggs. If we went guising, it had to be away from our street and we had to make sure there were no kids on our street before we came home because our parents sat in the dark rather than buy treats.
The newspaper our neighbour gave us when he was done with it was our toilet paper.
Mince and tatties were cheap so we ate them 3 times a week. I have neither cooked or eaten them since I left home!

Shit. This is a joke thread?

Ha ha we had ice on the inside of the windows

I remember the inside ice Euphoria

My bed was next to the window, and one morning I woke up and couldn't get out of bed. My hair had frozen to the glass!

I was born in 1968.

We had money compared to our neighbours. I was an only child and both Parents worked.

My friend next door seemed to exist on some days on lard butties.
They didn't have a fridge and occasionally got sterilised milk, this was up to the 80's. They used old catalogues/newspaper for toilet roll. She used to come in to ours for a shower/bath.

They would knock for sugar/teabags/milk etc. He used to hunt rabbits (this was on Merseyside). My Mum used to pass in a roast dinner and other stuff. My friend spent a lot of time in mine, her house was so cold. The Father had been a grave digger and worked for Parks-and-gardens, but the Council stopped employing general gardeners.

There were families who the local Church used to take food to, regularly. You would know who had got the clothing vouchers, one year the only available coat was in purple, so the poor kids were referred to as "The purple kids" by nasty neighbours.

Families,on a good week, used to buy a sack of potatoes, bread, margarine, eggs, tins of peas/beans and porridge and a jar of jam, so they could feed their children, at least.

I always contribute to threads that state that we didn't need Working Tax Credit, from the late 70's onwards, I was surrounded by real poverty.

He's not claiming he grew up in poverty. He's making a comparison between standard of living now and then; and between both your childhoods. Your parents may have had the same income but if his parents refused to spend their's on stuff that he wanted then of course he will have felt 'poorer' than you. As a child, you don't see the difference between no money and money being saved. You just see that you don't have a Mr Frosty.
As for music lessons, I grew up in a council house with a family on benefits. I still learnt to play 3 instruments. Tuition was free through a range of schemes.

Oh and most people fiddled the electricy.

Then they installed 50p meters and every few months you'd have a "break in" and "they'd clear the meter out".

Why would a family in poverty as described above have so many children - one had 8, another 4!

My DH and I are comfortable and for me, the very biggest luxury in the world is being able to buy whatever I want at the grocery store without worrying about the price.

I can't agree more with this. We live in a nice 4 bed "exec" new build and are just at the stage of sending our DC of to University. I am still amazed when I go shopping and don't have to worry what the bill is. All my siblings are in the same position, we have done well. Despite poverty we knew were loved and my parents always worked and tried their best. No washing machine, we had to use the launderette or hand wash and my brothers were all bed wetters until they were in their late teens!

One brother used to go fishing for food - we ate a lot of eels!

My Dh grew up very similar to me.

Yes to porridge made with water, mince with added beans too.

I had a middle class childhood but realised what it was like to be poor when I was a student in the mid 80s. I had a grant which my parents topped up to the amount of a full grant but that didn't seem to be enough to live on. I can remember ice on the walls in my bedroom in my rented student house, sleeping with all of my clothes on due to the cold, running out of money for the electric meter and only having 20p for a glass of orange squash on a night out in the pub. My diet was mainly Heinz tomato soup and Findus crispy cheese pancakes. I had no car and used to hitch hike and do my washing at the laundrette. Not real poverty I know but I got the idea.

Monty python sketch??
Whats it called?

Why would a family in poverty as described above have so many children - one had 8, another 4!

Contraception wasn't that freely available, plus my DM and DF loved children.

The Monty Python sketch is shit. I always cringe when people trot it out thinking they are being oh so funny. As someone said it is a form of silencing.

Why would a family in poverty as described above have so many children - one had 8, another 4!

In my post I mentioned that my ex was one of 8 children. That, actually, was one thing he did talk about. He was bitter and angry that his parents had so many children and were incapable of looking after them - feeding, clothing or housing them - properly.

Oh, this is like Dh explaining to me his childhood. His dps had a post office, they lived on the left over food ie out of date, or running out of date food.
Mil would make you believe they were on their skids if their arse.
Didn’t stop all 3 dc going to private school though

Why would a family in poverty as described above have so many children - one had 8, another 4!

Religion, lack of availability of contraception.

Dustbunny. It's called Four Yorkshiremen

I always wanted a Mr Frosty

You missed nowt Gluteus. DS was always on for one, so we got it for Christmas one year. It was rubbish!

DH had no hot water in the house or a bathroom until he was 15 and he was the youngest of 5. The first hot water they had went to the cow shed cos their need was greater. First toothbrush at 11 (can’t get my head round that - only 1 filling though). He never ever talks about their poverty though. They were happy he just had less stuff then his friends.

I would say your dp is comparing himself to his friends.
Both my parents worked own house, company car, food, heat, light etc family used to look after me while my parents worked and this meant I spent most of my time on the other side of town where there was less money but I never understood how they would be able to go on holiday every year, have cars or have named clothes yet most of the time 1 parent was a sahm!
Where as we never went on holiday and all my clothes were second hand. Everyone used to take the piss coz I wasn't like them.
I realised when I got older why we had less. My mom would spend it on furniture or decorating (think £2000 for a lamp!)

I may not of grown up poor but as a child it can feel like it.

Growing up there wasn't always food, mum used to go without a lot and sometimes the priest used to slip me a fiver to buy dinner. Our holidays were to a farm in the next county, where we picked fruit. For a lot of my childhood mum only had 1 outfit, she used to wash it while we were in bed. We had bailiffs around a lot, I was taught to walk past on the other side of the road and check no one was at the door or waiting around in cars before going in after school. We used to get beans in mince though, or rice, never porridge, Mum used to drop us at my grandmothers near school so we'd get breakfast as she couldn't afford it.

I was born in 1988. Funny thing is I didn't realise we were that poor til I was a teenager and got my first job, I earned £48 a week and felt like a millionaire.

maybe it's about controlling anxiety. I didn't grow up poor, in fact my parents were the sort who'd give you their last £ and pretend they had more just like it when they were on their uppers but my parents did lose everything when I was 13 - they ended up bankrupt and on benefits until I was in my mid 20s, there was no Christmas for years.

I like to hoarde nice things for bad times - the more food, clothes, nice toiletries, clothes and toys for the DCs I have, the better I feel. Whenever I feel down, I hoarde things I 'need'.

Of course, it'd be more rational to stop overspending and pay more off the mortgage...

My DH otoh, had parents like your DH's by the sound of it and they talked a lot about being poor despite living in a naice house in a lovely area - there was a kerfuffle about a credit card bill when his mum overspent when they were little that was somehow significant in his family history. DH feels anxious when he sees unnecessary spending, I feel anxious if I can't buy the shiny things.

TaggieRR

Contraception wasn't as effective and reliable then as it is now. And abortion was still illegal.

Op I don’t really know what you wanted from this thread? It makes me feel awful for myself and my kids and I don’t know what your point is?

You and your DH are well off and grew up well off.

Horrible thread. Seeking out stories of people who had it hard. To what? Gloat ?

I thought that we were poor but now realise that my parents were very careful with money - too careful - and had their own priorities. As a teenager I remember being desperate for clothes as I had grown out of my old clothes but Dad refused to buy any. We had ice on the inside of windows - but Dad wouldn't get double glazing. They now have lots of money saved which is lovely but even now my mum agonizes over buying a practical pair of shoes or a bag of screws to fix a table.