Dh always says he grew up poor. I’m sceptical.

[CredulousThickos]

He bases this on the fact they had a black and white telly until he was a teenager, no phone until he was 15, they never had a car and they went to the Isle of Wight on the train for their holidays.

He says I grew up rich because we had two tellies (one was black and white though!), a phone, two cars at times and a home computer. Oh and we went to France twice.

I reckon he’s barking. Our dads both had very similar jobs and bought their (very similar) houses for tuppence but then struggled through 15% mortgage rates. We both had piano lessons. Both wore handmade or hand me down clothes and never had Nike trainers or a Mr Frosty. Both families of five.

His parents are now minted (inheritance) and other than a few nice holidays a year they still live very frugally. Same for mine although they eat out a lot too and do have the latest things, Sky, big tv etc. ILs still have an old CRT tv and a video recorder.

So my theory is that they are just frugal people who don’t put any importance on technology or ‘things’, and that his tales of abject poverty are flights of fancy.

The funny part is, when we met he had a flat furnished with stuff he’d been given (most of it went in a skip when I moved in, I’m not kidding when I say it was grim, the sofa was falling apart). He didn’t have a landline or a pc and his mobile was a Nokia Brick (this was only 11 yers ago). He wasn’t poor at all. So his theory holds no water.

He won’t have it though. And he says I’m seeing it from my ivory tower of a privileged upbringing.

WIBU to ask his mum at Sunday lunch tomorrow?

(Lighthearted obviously before you all roast me).

If you think you grew up either poor or wealthy, what were the signifiers? Because IMO we both grew up in relative comfort.

Apologies if this has already been said but this thread seems to be a one-upmanship contest about who had it toughest. It's reminding me of that old sketch with the Yorkshire men. I had it tough, we'd work 25 hours a day and eat a cup of cold sick before my dad would stab us with a bread knife then dance in our graves. Try telling that to the kids of today!

You haven't read or understood this thread.

evan read the full thread, we've done the Monty Python sketch already. Then kindly do one...

I don't consider myself as growing up poor (70's kid) but we were a bit hard up. I grew up in a one bedroom rented flat, it was a good size though but meant various movements of beds to make it work for me, my Mum, older sister and step dad over the years. TV was rented but was colour. No washing machine let alone dishwasher! Never went on holiday with my family but I was taken on holiday with my friend and her family (camping in their VW camper van) certainly no lessons of any kind other than those that were part of school. No home telephone until I was about 15. Never had the latest toys (no Mr Frosty here either 😫)or clothes but my Mum made sure our home was always well kept and we were always well presented. She deserved so much more but sadly didn't get it. I have very fond memories of my childhood but at the same time I want more for my little ones. Your DH definitely did not have a poor upbringing. To live in a house with stairs was for rich people in my opinion as a kid 😂

Twat.

That message to Evan

Triggered! Will be anxiety next.

My family were farmers so we had food that we grew, bread my mother made....and a color television. Dh grew up in a nice neighborhood with store food and b&w tv. We laugh bc I was absolutely poorer...televisions are not good examples.

I can remember us living on chips and eggs or beans on toast for periods of time when money was tightest. Clothes were usually pass me downs. Crying at school worrying about how my Dad would pay for a school trip.

Posted too soon.

Holidays were camping. Presents were Christmas and Birthday only.

But then we passed our clothes on to another family and I went out to work at 16 so I could afford stuff. My Dad always worked until he retired from illhealth. I always worked until I had to leave to take care of my son.

There usually someone worse off than you ((obviously some people's lives are frigging awful) and usually a lot more people better off.

I think the positive message here is that people who grew up poor, lived to tell the tale and are richer in experience for it.

So fuck off Ever

Initially our family lived in 2 rooms, only cold running water, no bathroom and outside toilet shared with other families. We moved when we were all in primary school. It must have been so hard for my mum to look after 3 young kids in those conditions, but as kids, it was just normal.

My mum said the welfare used to give her vouchers for food that could only be spent in certain shops. There was a lot of stigma attached to using them, but my mum had no choice. I think when we were young kids,poverty was much harder for my mum than us kids. We were surrounded by other very poor families,so really did not know any different. I do remember when we moved into a council place with an inside bathroom, my mum doing all the washing in the bath. Even then I thought it was that a tough job.

Don't think your DH was brouğht up in a poor household he may have been in a working class family that did not do credit. Sounds like this was early 90s given the 15% mortgage rate when the reigns on credit became very loose and those who had never had anything on "tick" just never saw the point in paying more for something just to get it quicker. Coloured tv's then were horrendously expensive, most folk rented. Same with cars, always on hire purchase. I know I found it hard to afford a second-hand car and my DH had a very well paid job. Perhaps your parents were more risk takers than DHs hence they had all the luxuries. Kind of come full circle with credit going out of control

I think a lot of it is relative.
I grew up thinking we were poor, yet my parents owned their house, mum didn’t have to work, we had a colour tv, I never missed a meal, we ate out at least once a week.
However we lived rurally and my dad had a ‘rural’ job.
I felt poor as this was a time when people were starting to move from the city to the country. Our neighbours were the a high ranking bishop, the first violinist for a very prestigious orchestra, a bank manager and a Lord.

It doesn't sound like either family was poor in its truest meaning.
It sounds like your families had different priorities with the money they had.
I grew up in house where there wasn't vast amounts of money. But we ALWAYS had food, occasionally had new clothes (I was a second girl so got hand me downs) but we didn't do extra curricular activities that I remember. We didn't get a landline until I was 10, my mum had two jobs (aswell as dad's wage) to pay for things. Before that we'd go to the local phone box once a week with two p's to call my grandma!
It was very similar for most of my peers. There were a few alot worse off though. 😢

I think both of your childhoods were pretty good. Your DH's parents were frugal but it sounds as though they really didn't have money worries. I grew up in a family of 7 children where for much of it my dad was the only earner. Money or lack of it was a constant topic in our house. I was very aware from an early age that my parents worried about paying for things. Dad was a school teacher and on a decent wage but with 7 kids and a wife to support and a mortgage we were always skint. I remember once we had a home visit from a benefits advisor or it may have been citizens advice to go through our finances to see if we qualified for extra help. We didn't, but the advisor told my father he would be better off if he was unemployed and claiming benefits!

We never had a holiday abroad. Few camping holidays when things were a little better. Hand me down clothes, limited heating, sometimes running out of coal. Red letter bills were normal. Food was made to stretch and we were always slightly hungry. No extra school activities other than brownies / scouts.

Didn't have a TV at all for a while as couldn't afford the license.

I never could understand and still feel a bit bitter to this day why they kept having children when we lived in a little 3 bed terrace and really needed mum who was also a teacher to earn... it seemed that just as things would be getting a little better and she would be doing a bit of supply work she would go and get pregnant again and things would get worse.

When I got a part time weekend job at 15 I had to hand some of my money over so my father could have 'pub' money. I also had to pay for all my clothing, shoes, uniform, toiletries etc from it.

I now have a real fear of being poor, as do my older siblings who remember and experienced the worst of it and often tell my own DC that they are lucky and privileged, but unless you experience poverty yourself it is really hard to put yourself in those shoes.

I hate the " baiting benefit scrounger" programmes that try to soften us up to bring in savage cuts to the poor and working poor. Pure evil.

We used to "fiddle" the gas and electricity ..... To this day I still can smell that electrical burning aroma. We had FSM and my mum used to get a fiver a week and buy a sack of spuds and a tray of eggs....to this day I can't eat chips and eggs... Christmas was from a car boot sale as was all of our clothes and shoes
We would slide down the stairs in our sleeping bags and sit and watch TV sat in them as it was sooooooo cold. Ice in the windows.... Mum used to work for Princes as a cleaner so we would get fish paste going out of date for free...we'd hide from the rent man, gas man, leccy man......
Christmas was done by saving scheme .....
I even had a hand me down Spiderman lunch box....god I loved it ...even with fish paste butties.... But sometimes it's nice to pretend you are not poor by having FSM

I'm suprised a lack of meat, or mixing meat with oats, is seen as a signifier of being poor.

I never ate meat growing up, and went to private school. Meat is not a necessary part of a lifestyle.

As for real poverty, my mum experienced it. 6 living in a one bed flat, insufficient food, no hot running water, and leaving school at 12 (not in the uk). Most of these accounts don't sound anything like poverty in the true sense, but living frugally.

Well everything is relative and about your point of comparison, it doesn’t invalidate people’s feelings or the testimony of their experiences.

I don't think it sounds like your DP was poor, but on the other hand, it can be a bit grim growing up with extremely frugal parents.

For example, my parents have just bought a second home outright. They saved £10k towards each of our house deposits, plus wedding contributions. But when I was a kid, they'd keep an eye on every single penny, my mum actually stayed outside every single attraction we went to to avoid paying the extra entrance, we only had the clothes we absolutely needed, it was almost always sandwiches for lunch - never even a simple lunch in a cafe.

As a kid, it can feel pretty depressing to know you can never even ask for a nice thing you'd like because you know your parents don't like spending.

It's made me very 'four Yorkshiremen' as an adult, because we were made to feel like every single thing was a luxury. I wouldn't want to spoil my kids, but I wouldn't want them to feel like them having a few nice things was a burden.

Most of these accounts don't sound anything like poverty in the true sense, but living frugally
Iti set living frugally if there isn't actually any money though. So those of us with parents avoiding bills and loving on chips and eggs because there's literally no cash - that's not frugal. And no it isn't "poverty" compared to someone living on the streets or in a house with no running water or power but it is poverty in the UK if there isn't enough food to go round or money for the meters for heating

Living frugally is a choice, poverty is not.

And being told to hide when someone is at the door or not to answer it, because it will be someone to cut off your electric, is poverty.