Aibu to not invite them?

[Glittergirl1]

This is my first post!

So to add some context to my dilemma, here's a quickish overview.

I had been engaged for a few years and wedding had been put off for a number of reasons, redundancy, landlord selling up (quick move meant raiding the wedding pot) and very close family members ill health.

Early last year we found out that DH bonus holiday (in some industries this is quite common, apparently) was close to a popular wedding destination abroad. DH and I said if he was awarded it we would get married there. All close friends and family members were aware and supported us eloping, I literally banged on about wanting DH to win this holiday for months. During this time a friend of ours got engaged and asked me and our close circle to be a bridesmaids. I was so happy to be asked.

DH wins holiday and we share our firm plans (where, when etc)with family and close friends. So, this is where things take a bit of a turn. Close friends of mine and soon to be married friend start messaging me separately, 'i honestly can't believe you would even think about getting married before *' 'i find your sudden need to get married very strange' 'what would you do if I wasn't happy with this?' etc etc. The bitching went on for a few months, friends hen do was awkward to say the least. Even on my wedding day and the friends wedding day I had bitchy comments thrown towards me. No hen do for me, they couldn't even meet me for a drink as they were all busy with life admin and other bs reasons. I was flexible on the day, time etc. Some couldn't even say congratulations, instead sending 'sorry wrong group' type messages. After both weddings I was told from other mutual friends that they referred to me as the 'fat bride' and stated I was only getting married because she was. It was all very bitter and childish.

I distanced myself from them and then receive abusive messages from the main instigator and other bride about how my actions had hurt them all and how selfish I was. How we were wrong to share that we got married with other people. I cut off contact with them all at this point.

Anyway, next year we are having a bit of a vow renewal party.

One of the women asked me to meet her for lunch recently. I met her as I felt she was more of a bystander in it all. During lunch she apologies for her part and burying her head in the sand and asked me if she was invited to next years party. I was quite taken back to be honest, I said yes as I felt a bit cornered.

DH says I should invite them all and be the bigger person, put it all behind me. Honestly I don't want to see any of them at this party. Seeing them would bring back all those horrible feelings and memories for me.

Not so quickish!

Weddings cause so much madness! Please don't invite them- don't want to be a doomsayer, but could they have a vile plan to cause disruption?

We got married this year and vow renewal is on our 1st anniversary.

I don’t believe in such a thing as stealing thunder. People get married. It’s life. People speak volumes through their behaviour. This is who they are. They are nasty petty people. Keep them out of your lives

Is a 1year vow renewal common where you are? It's not in my social group and my first thought, if I heard someone was having a vow renewal after being married for just a few years, would be that one of them had an affair. So I wonder if your ex-friends are thinking along the same lines and trying to find out? But maybe the apologising friend was genuine, you're in a better position to tell than a stranger on the Internet!

It doesn't really matter in some ways because I agree with everyone else that they all acted appallingly, you're under no obligation to invite them and you don't want to, so don't. But if there's a possibility apologising woman wasn't genuine, you might want to be prepared for them trying to hurt you further.

OP out of curiosity whereabouts are you?

You are real rid of those so called friends. On no account should you invite them back into your life

sorry well rid!

The renewal actually started out as a first anniversary party (booked around the time we got married. We were thinking of a party when we came back but we had a few other weddings, christenings etc over the summer and our close friends and family couldn't make many dates, we decided to make it an anniversary party) the renewal part is a close friend saying a few words and is more of the request of parents who couldn't join us for a bit of formality. I can honestly say on both parts there has been no cheating or anything else sinister.

None of these people are your friends. Not even the one who invited herself to your renewal party - shes only going for a nosey so she can report back. Wash your hands of them all.

I would say anniversary party rather than vow renewal after only a year as others might assume the worse. I would ditch your so called friends

You deserve better than this IP, do not invite the bitches. They nearly ruined your wedding don't let their evil energy taint this day too.

Op

I'd call it a first anniversary party. It's effectively the home leg of your wedding celebrations, one year on.

OP sorry if I have made you feel like you have to explain or defend your marriage. I don't mean to. My point is more - is there a chance this woman could be less genuine in reaching out to you now, and if so is there anything you might want to try to do to protect yourself?

(I also think saying your vows again for your parents sounds lovely and very nice of you to do that for them.)

Good grief NO!! The OB and her mates were bitches of colossal proportions. No way in hell would I be inviting them - why on earth would you have such vile people to your party??

Sorry to hear your wedding was so stressful

Frankly - fuck that shit

Don't invite any of them. Don't let them intrude on another special happy personal day for you. Enjoy it with your close friends and family

I wouldn't even consider any of them being allowed anywhere near me

Is your DH out of his mind?? No you absolutey should not invite these nasty people to your party nor back into your life! Being the “bigger person” doesn’t come into it though if that is in some way important to you then you’ve achieved it by disengaging yourself and getting on with your life. These people were never true friends if they could treat you that way and bitch about you like that. You’re done with them, you have put it behind you in the sense that you’ve moved on.

Imagine having to paste a smile on and be friendly to these twats when you know exactly how horrible they are. Just no Op you’d be a fool to leave yourself open to their poison again. Oh and if anyone has the nerve to ask why they aren’t invited you look at then as though they’ve grown a second head and say “it’s just family and close friends”. You could even do the MN tinkly laugh .

I would be suspicious of this woman's motives. to be honest. Why would she be so desperate to come after helping slate you?

I wouldn't invite any of them. Forget about them all.

After both weddings I was told from other mutual friends that they referred to me as the 'fat bride' and stated I was only getting married because she was. It was all very bitter and childish.

Instant weight loss not having them in your life.

DH says I should invite them all and be the bigger person, put it all behind me. Honestly I don't want to see any of them at this party. Seeing them would bring back all those horrible feelings and memories for me.

Instant weight gain and more drama.

Why would you want to invite those toxic people back into your lives? You can be a bigger person by moving on but it doesn't mean you have to invite them. Just be cordial when you see them out and about. And that passive cow who apologised in order to get an invite....rescind the offer.

I agree with others: she may be up to something and is going to report back to the other horrible people. Disinvite her verbally or via text if you really can't muster speaking with her and then don't ever send her an invite. Beware these people, OP, they're up to no good.

Bloody hell, they behaved appeallingly and were abusive, I would have nothing more to do with any of them, let alone invite them to your party. Invite the friend you met up with, only if you want, if you don't just let it go. Doing nothing is just as bad tbh.

If I were you, I would not invite any of them. They are not your friends, it was very rude of that person to invite herself.

You don’t have much to do with them nw, do you? They are no longer a regular part of your life, only people from the past who were beastly and have been dropped.

Why on earth would you invite them? Do you want to make friends again? There are better safer ways to do that than opening yourself up for more nastiness on a special occasion.

don't invite them, and don't invite the friend who tried to invite herself along. keep your plans quiet and only ask people who genuinely have your best interests at heart.

the behaviour of the OB sounds very weird. is she like this with other things too?

I'd bet my house that if you invited them they would find some way to ruin your party. It also sounds like the woman you met for lunch asked to meet you expressly for an invite to your party, I wouldn't invite her either, and I wonder about her motives