Hairzilla.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

The next thread...

Fingers crossed for a nice update for you all.

The old saying, 'Least said soonest mended', may have been adroit at some point.

Internet loves a drama though.

She’s a twat. You’re well rid.

I think you should get f2's comment left on her fb wall in case her bitchery affects your business. WHAT A COW! (*F2 is totally awesome, btw!)

Darnda I agree ... Pictish certainly sounds way too interested in firing OP. All the rest of us who has gone through the thread can clearly see that the OP choose to speak to F1 first to try sort out the prob and F1 refused to accept responsibility before she approached the pta..

@isitme88 Thu 19-Oct-17 23:48:19
No one is blaming the Op. they are saying they may have handled it differently.

OK, Genuine question.. How would you have solved this without loosing a mass of money/any money

I think that contacting the PTA now or engaging on FB would be stirring up drama for the sake of it, and don't agree with the posters recommending that. However, I disagree that contacting the PTA originally was over the top. Flyers had already gone out with kungfu's salon on, and any exposure was only going to increase from that point on as advertising for the raffle kicked up a notch. Kungfu needed to make it clear that her salon wasn't offering a prize before that happened. F1 wasn't engaging, and had clearly stated that she wasn't going to unless kungfu capitulated. On the basis of her behaviour up to that point, I wouldn't have trusted her to be direct with the PTA even if she said she was going to, so contacting the PTA herself was the best thing kungfu could do. I didn't get the impression that she did that deliberately to embarrass F1; it was just that it was the only option she had left, assuming she'd lost trust in F1 (which would be reasonable and understandable). She even went out of her way to downplay the situation by talking about miscommunication. Just because some posters were talking about trying to humiliate F1, that doesn't mean that's what kungfu did.

The old saying, 'Least said soonest mended', may have been adroit at some point.

I would have been inclined to agree had it simply been a case of hurt feelings and wounded pride, but the OP was at risk of being significantly out of pocket and possibly having the reputation of her business damaged if she hadn't resolved the issue swiftly and in light of the ex friend refusal to speak to her, going direct to the PTA was the most effective way to protect herself against the potential problems that her 'friend' had set her up for.

I would contact the PTA lady again and explain that you will be rescinding the voucher after all. This is in light of F1 coming into your place of business and verbally abusing you. As she was acting in her capacity as a PTA member at the time, that you are no longer able to support their cause.

I used to be the head of a PTA, and under the circumstances I would be LIVID and mortified that someone was acting this way in the name of our PTA. This sort of thing has a way of getting out, and it would most likely influence other local business owners from supporting our school/PTA if they think this is the way we operate(d). I would 100% support the abused business owner in this. I'd also kick the trouble maker of the committee.

I would support 100% the removal of the prize, and quite frankly, would consider anyone who did continue to donate their prize under these circumstances to be an absolute mug.

I really do think you were too soft on F1, OP. You bailed her out, and basically told the PTA lady to let her get away with it too (thankfully it sounds as though she ignored that). I hope you will cut her off permanently and never, ever, have anything to do with her again. Don't cover for her if someone else brings her up either.

This should also be a lesson for the PTA in making sure they have the prize in hand, or an actual official letter from the person donating, before advertising prizes. We never used to proceed without either of these in place, and am very thankful for that now.

I honestly can't see how anyone can judge op for taking the only actions that were available to her!

Op has stated that all f1 had needed to do is apologise and ask nicely if she could do it for her and she would have gladly donated! Instead, f1 refused to answer calls or texts from op leaving op the only option of communication through friends 2 & 3! She also made it clear that she would not apologise as she felt she had done nothing wrong!

Op gave her an opportunity to buy the voucher and f1 refused saying that was not possible with Christmas coming up (no concern about the cost to op!)

Friend 2 and 3 offered to pay £15 each, meaning op would have only £15 to contribute. F1 REFUSED!!! Saying she was going to stand her ground!!!

Op had to hear all of this through a third party!! F1 proved that she has zero respect for the op! Not only that, she proved that she felt the op was a walkover who could be bullied into donating!

When she finally contacted the op, her message was 'are you donating or not!' F1 has been unbelievably rude, presumptuous, selfish, showing zero concern for op and absolutely zero respect! Now I defy anyone to call that the actions of a friend!

Importantly, F1 was not prepared to withdraw the donation (which was hypothetical anyway as she hadn't the decency to ask op if she could make a donation!!!). Op has made it clear that she could not afford to lose that kind of money before Christmas (and why should she!!! Just to save face for a supposed friend who has treated her dreadfully!!!). Therefore op took the ONLY route open to her!!! She in fact was very generous, offering to donate an up do, when she was well within her rights to not donate anything! She even implied that it was a miscommunication and asked the pta lady to go easy on her!

How has the op been anything but generous in the face of a bully who has behaved appallingly?!!

What was agreed with the PTA after they found out weird friend had donated OP's voucher without agreement? (Save me trawling through the last thread!)

Cross posted with Rescuepuppy, who pretty much summarised everything, thanks!

I think you need to contact the PTA head, explain what has just happened, and say in the circumstances you can't donate anything and you hope she understands. Because I agree; to continue to donate at all after this is to allow F1 some figleaf after her behaviour. It's not okay.

Glad your other friends are being great.

Really sad and disappointed for you that this has happened. I've been let down by a friend I very much trusted before, and it hurts in a way nothing else does, doesn't it, because we are conditioned to believe female friendship is always supportive. Thankfully that remains true with the other two.

Go easy on yourself. This may be a horrible way to find out, but there are worse ways - at least she has openly made herself look terrible!

Of all the stories I've ever heard about PTAs, both good and bad, this is probably the most bizarre.

(Ex?)F1 is absolutely vile.

Jesus fucking christ Kung, I'm sorry she was such a monster to you tonight. I think you behaved impeccably and you're well rid of her. Also F2 sounds cool.

I don't think any level of "chatting" to (now ex)F1 would have made any difference.
The only thing she expected to come out of this was for Panda to cave and offer the donation she had already put forward - any other outcome wasn't going to work for F1.

Her reaction might be out of hurt, but I would imagine it's more out of fury that she's been exposed as a liar!

I'm so sorry that she's been so awful to you as a result - I do hope that this means she will think twice before donating other people's money though!

As I said on the last thread, I think that PTA chairperson will always check in future, that anything F1 offers is actually available before accepting it! Which will also be a reminder to her, every time, of how she tried to pull a fast one on you.

Glad your friends F2 and F3 were there for you. They sound much nicer. xx

Please ignore the advice to contact the PTA further. That side of this is all done now. You look magnanimous and further emails will undermine that.

Unfortunately it sounds like F1 is going to make a big fuss over this in your friend Group. I think it will end in sides being taken though I suspect they will all be on your side. Horrible for an old friendship to end this way but it is down to her actions, not yours.

Op. I know you said favours flow back and forth.

I'm just curious how many favours Ex-friend did for you ?

1 ? or 2?

Where I am going with this is that she may have always [ or more recent] been a CF'er

Oh yes, I have to agree - leave the PTA well alone now.

Withdrawing your offer now would look like petty spitefulness, and that's not who you are, judging by your posts.

Unless they contact you again for any reason re. your donation, let it lie.

I quite like pp's idea of honouring the voucher, but contacting the chair directly and (politely and very innocently) asking who you should give the voucher to - you'd have given it to CF but unfortunately your relationship has deteriorated and you won't be seeing her again.
Doesn't badmouth CF, makes you look like the bigger person, and is delightfully passive aggressive a way of making PTA aware they have someone a touch 'flighty' on their committee. Of course you'd be far too polite, businesslike, and professional to fill them in on the details but someone will

Plus, passive aggression aside, it is actually a valid question! Should you decide to honour the deal, then you will need someone to pick up the voucher!
Also, fb status about you being dead to her? Is she 12?? We've all posted fb statuses we regret, but that's ridiculous! Let her wallow in her own filth and rise above it. You've got lovely supportive friends, so concentrate on them, and making your business a total success! If, as pp suggests, CF decides she needs her roots done on Dec 24th at 5.02pm and tries to reconcile, I've got the perfect answer for you - 'I'm sorry. I won't be able to do it without a voucher!' smile sweetly, turn off the lights, turf her out, and lock up laughing maniacally is optional she'll be the type who'll try that sort of thing - let her have terrible roots!!

OP, I think you've seen a well hidden side of her these last few days and I would put money on F1 having gone power crazy and the PTA Chair already being fed up of her.

I'm sorry you've been treated like this, OP.

Now, I'd just hold my head up if I were you and continue on. You were kind enough to offer a different service as a compromise and should honour that, don't let F1 change that.

Don't doubt yourself. Based on this woman's attitude towards you before you spoke to the PTA and her behaviour since, it's clear that you were supposed to just shut the hell up and get on with it. She was never going to pay - not even a fraction of the cost - because she felt and still feels that you were being unreasonable and should have handled it. If she hadn't realised her donation was in jeopardy she'd still be ignoring you now.

I actually think that, "Are you being serious right now?" was the perfect response, and no more should ever be said by you to this woman.

I agree with all those urging you to quit while you are still ahead here (and you are miles ahead) - do not contact the PTA to take back the 'offer'.

Wait for them to contact you, and see which way the wind is blowing. Stay classy. You have the opportunity to look really good here.

Just read both threads and i would say i also agree don't rescind the new offer. This was agreed between you and the PTA lady so you should see it as an agreement entirely separate to anything to do with your ex friend.

If you decide not to contact the PTA again, don't be proactive in arranging to get the voucher to them. Let them do all the legwork. Hopefully they won't bother.